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Hi guys - I would like to hear your opinion on this one...

I arrived in Dubai on July 1st after having broken up a 3-year relationship in April. On the 5th night I met somebody at work (related companies - separate offices) and we had a nice chat and went for some drinks in the evening. The last thing I had in mind was to start a new relationship, but something clicked and I wanted to get to know her better.

The next day we met for lunch, shopping and dinner and a few days later for dinner. After dinner we went to her place and started holding hands (sounds silly, but it was great to feel like in high-school again ).

Her parent's live in Beirut and when the fighting started they had to leave their home and I just told her to give me a call whenever she thought I could distract her, but that I would leave her alone. She called after 10 days and invited me over for dinner when friends where there too. After that we had some sms's back and forth and some phone calls, but never met up because some members of her family came to Dubai and she spent all their time with them.

So I didn't expect to see her anytime soon as I'll be traveling quite a bit now until mid-October.

Then on Thursday night I bumped into her in a bar where she was with friends (me with colleagues) and we talked for 10 min. But the moment I saw her I knew that I REALLY liked her and my stomach told me - (another high-school moment)

Then on Friday morning I sent her an SMS to tell her what my stomach had said when I saw her and she thought it was sweet, but that she still needs to get over her ex. They broke up in March, but he lives in the US.

Now my question is: Where do I take it from there, I have the impression that she likes me too, but does not want to use me as her rebound guy. I'll be out of the country now until Sept 1st, but then I need to do something about it for my own sake, otherwise I go crazy...She's impressed by me being so open and respects that a lot; although she's a little more reserved.

My plan is to let her know that she needs to decide about whether she WANTS to get over him and then I'd be happy to help her and I'm sure I can charm her slowly. Or she decides she does not want to get over him and I'll leave her alone...

Any thoughts are appreciated - Thanks

hahaha i wish i could help my dear , its so complicated ...i hate emotions they just make u wonder and feel confused and this funny thing in ur stomach it will never go i believe u need to let things take their time dont force urself on her and dont give up on her also "she will appreciate it later " ooh come on who am i to advise when i ve been walking in circles for ages

apl wrote:My plan is to let her know that she needs to decide about whether she WANTS to get over him and then I'd be happy to help her and I'm sure I can charm her slowly. Or she decides she does not want to get over him and I'll leave her alone...

Any thoughts are appreciated - Thanks

Do you want her to be your rebound girl? I didn't see anything about that.

Whatever, I don't think you can help her get over her relationship AND be the new guy in her life if you don't want to be Mr Rebound.

That's why it's called a rebound. You talk about ex with new partner, unload your baggage, then flap away to the next one leaving your rebound partner weighed down with your excess luggage.

Sometimes it works out though. Good luck to both of you whatever happens.

thanks - and no, I don't want her to be my rebound girl. I've been thinking a long time about it before I actually broke up, because we lived together. I'm over my ex (at least I'm convinced about it)

But I guess you're both right: I'll give it some more time and see what she comes up with.

Good thing is that I'm really busy at work and then I need to find a place to live.....in October

Corcovado wrote:hahaha i wish i could help my dear , its so complicated ...i hate emotions they just make u wonder and feel confused and this funny thing in ur stomach it will never go i believe u need to let things take their time dont force urself on her and dont give up on her also "she will appreciate it later " ooh come on who am i to advise when i ve been walking in circles for ages

at least emotions give me something to think about

what circle are you walking around? isn't that dangerous with the traffic here?

apl wrote:

Corcovado wrote:hahaha i wish i could help my dear , its so complicated ...i hate emotions they just make u wonder and feel confused and this funny thing in ur stomach it will never go i believe u need to let things take their time dont force urself on her and dont give up on her also "she will appreciate it later " ooh come on who am i to advise when i ve been walking in circles for ages

at least emotions give me something to think about

what circle are you walking around? isn't that dangerous with the traffic here?

i used to walk into walls so circles are cool

I think she's interested but may have something else going on that isn't really even in the past yet. You're definitely at risk of getting hurt. However, give yourself a little time to understand the situation better and if you're still having the highschool moments, pursue it. I don't know many women who don't want to be gently persuaded. Just don't push too hard, you may scare her away. And don't go too slow, she may lose interest.

It can take along time to get over an ex and some people never let their feelings go completely. If you push her for a decision too quickly, she won't appreciate it and you'll end up pushing her away from you.

You have to be patient. She needs to get her feelings in order to be able to move on, and if it's a long term relationship she's come out of, that could take months.

She's being sensible not jumping straight into something else. Just be there for her when and if she needs you and go out for casual drinks, meals whatever. If she really likes you she'll come around.

apl wrote:Then on Friday morning I sent her an SMS to tell her what my stomach had said when I saw her and she thought it was sweet, but that she still needs to get over her ex. They broke up in March, but he lives in the US.

Without trying to be nasty, I would think you've just been sold a line along the lines of "I'd like to go out with you but I have to wash my hair."

Yet another example that men have no clue how women think or feel

Chocoholic wrote:Yet another example that men have no clue how women think or feel

Oh come on Chocs, I've been around the block enough times to know a few things about how the female mind ticks. Women are either interested or not, it's a fact of life.

And even if they do want to potter around while they make their mind up, its totally unfair to leave a guy hanging on while you do this. So it's either yes or no. No room for maybe.

Just give it time ... dont rush into anything

Eros wrote:Just give it time ... dont rush into anything

Yep, just keep hanging in there until one night you see her out with someone else.

Ian, your attitude is probably why you've been around the block so many times! You can't rush someone into getting over an ex, it doesn't work like that. Men get over things far easier than women do. After reading the guys posts, the girl is clearly interested, but just needs a little time to put her feelings in order.

Keep going with your attitude and you'll chase all the girls away being a heartless unfeeling guy.

Chocoholic wrote:Ian, your attitude is probably why you've been around the block so many times! You can't rush someone into getting over an ex, it doesn't work like that.

But you can't hang around waiting for them either. I don't think its very fair to serve someone a "I need some time line" at all. It's like saying, I'm interested but not right now, hang on for a month or so.

Men get over things far easier than women do. After reading the guys posts, the girl is clearly interested, but just needs a little time to put her feelings in order.

I don't think men get over things easier at all. I think it's dependent on the relationship previously and individuals regardless of sex are affected in different ways.

Timing is important, but it should be yes or no, not maybe. That way, less people get hurt.

Keep going with your attitude and you'll chase all the girls away being a heartless unfeeling guy.

Well, if they run away, they obviously weren't Miss. Right in the first place. I am a take it or leave it kind of guy Chocs, and I always believe in this line:

"Never chase women or buses, you'll always get left behind."

OK, I also admit I'm not a sensitive new age guy.

Well sadly things are never as cut and dried as that are they? Relationships are complicated. And by forcing a 'yes' or 'no' answer you could be missing out on Miss Right, because you didn't have the patience to give a little bit of time.

Chocoholic wrote:Well sadly things are never as cut and dried as that are they? Relationships are complicated. And by forcing a 'yes' or 'no' answer you could be missing out on Miss Right, because you didn't have the patience to give a little bit of time.

Or, you could have your heart torn out of your chest, stepped on, jumped on, burnt with laser beams, ripped in two, stitched back together with chicken entrail twine and then thrust back in between your ribs, which is exactly what will happen to the original poster if he sees her out on town with another guy.

Of you could just shrug your shoulders and move on.

Wow, someone really did a number on you huh!

Just want to react on the subject "If its not complicated its not fun"

hmmm arrrmmm errrrr Not really. Complicated scenarios are only fun in the begginning. After some time it will tire you out.

As for your situation...relax a little. Are you sure you want to go down the road again for a serious one? Try to ease and hop from here and there. No pressure.

Chocoholic wrote:Wow, someone really did a number on you huh!

Hrmm... I've had some tough and messy relationships, but nobody ever did a major number on me, but I have had my shoulder cried on so many times I'm sure I've lost a few good shirts and potentially have sclorosis of the shoulder.

My point is though, you only get one chance in life at some things, and if it's not the right time now, it will never be.

I wouldn't say I was insensitive, but more of a realist not a rationalist. If a women says to me "I need some time to get over my past relationship" it means they haven't moved on or are unable to move on, which should be a warning sign in itself.

Why should it be a warning sign? I'm sure you'd be quite offended if you split with a girlfriend that you really cared about, and she went straight out and found another bloke, wouldn't you?

There's warning sign of anything, people take time to heal that's all. It would be even more detrimental to a relationship to start something with some that was still hurting, feelings get confused.

Chocoholic wrote:Why should it be a warning sign? I'm sure you'd be quite offended if you split with a girlfriend that you really cared about, and she went straight out and found another bloke, wouldn't you?

Such is life. So long as the ownership papers were invalidated, I'd have no control as to what she does. No I wouldn't like it, but you can't hang out on these things forever.

There's warning sign of anything, people take time to heal that's all. It would be even more detrimental to a relationship to start something with some that was still hurting, feelings get confused.

OK, but don't lead people on. Yes or no, no room for maybe.

apl buddy,

time and patience are the key, you know u like her and u think ur ready for another relationship. but i guess this trip will do you good by giving you and her some more time to think about it.

By the time ur back if the feelings still linger on then move ahead

jerry

Your Answer

NEVERNEVER give a woman an Ultimatum. Like the saying goes "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, its yours, if it doesn't it never was"

Giving a woman an ultimatum is like you been given a choice.. death by a gun or knife?

Just let it be.. you're a guy.. be strong about it.. Put your mind in some other place.. hang out with other friends, go to movies, join a club.. keep busy. Thats the key! Go to a 5 star hotel, get a spa treatment, feel good about yourself.

Let her see that you have given her, the space she needs. Send her an email once a week saying hi and talking about jibber jabber. Do not write you miss her, blah blah blah or anything concerning you and her.

History has shown that Guys go after girls. Think different.. let the girl chase you for a change

All this crap about time and patience.. now finding a job requires time and patience

When it comes to girls.. Live NOW..

"Make your own life through time, don't let time make it for you" -Written by me.

-Soupie

Thanks guys - I like the discussion

I had no intention at all to get into a serious relationship again this soon, but it just happened and I won't just miss out on getting something great out of it, even if it requires some time and dating warfare

Two of my best female friends have given me, independently from each other, the same reasoning and advice than the other girls on this thread. So I guess they are right - as always (NEVER EVER quote me on that!)

There definetely won't be an ultimatum involved, but she knows me well enough to know that I won't be a little bunny waiting for her until she makes up her mind.

She's definetely worth waiting for, but I'm not putting my life on hold while I'm waiting. I actually appreciate that she does not jump into it while she's not ready as she doesn't want to get us off on the wrong path.

We talked last night and she did say that she feels very comfortable around me - so that's the good news and wants to spend time with me, so I haven't scared her away.

Thanks again for the advice

aPL 1st of all your avatar looks weird LOL

and its good to hear you seem to be getting along with this newly found girl of yours. keep it cool

Uh Oh - double post.

Zam, do you mean to say you've never come across the 'Crazy Frog' bee ding ding ding ding emmmmme emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think it's funny they edit out his little willy on the videos - hehehe

Chocoholic wrote:Zam, do you mean to say you've never come across the 'Crazy Frog' bee ding ding ding ding emmmmme emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think it's funny they edit out his little willy on the videos - hehehe

No Chocs, not yet. Im still a newbie here LOL