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They say what is important is inner beauty but that is not the real deal nowadays. People are always attracted to good looks first before personality.
Now if we are talking about internet, then people will know the person first before what he/she looks like. Will build friendship or more than that but what happens if this person see the physical traits of the other.
Two things, they can continue the friendship or the other one will get ditch.

It happened to me several time, I met some friends on the net, talked to them on the phone, had the grandest chatting moments and actually develop a deep feeling with one of them but after seeing me & my picture then everything change. He just stopped. I feel such a loser. That was two years ago and I told myself not to get involve in internet dating but just recently it happened again. No deep feelings but being dumped and rejected is terrible.
I’m not that bad looking, but are all these guys that I met are just too perfectionist?
And what’s in store for us not that good looking people? Aren’t we all deserved to love and be love in return? If all beautiful people wants good looking people and ugly people wants beautiful people as well, then where would the other ugly people go, in Antarctic Ocean with all the penguins.

I just need your opinions. I can’t share this thought to my friends actually. At least here you don’t know me...

Hope somebody will reply on this novel that I wrote

It shouldnt be that way but it is....the first thing that people will see is your physical appearance...specifically in Internet dating, there is no other way to judge.

And hey there is something you can do about yourself if your not that beautiful, I dont mean facial or other treatment, but you can try to improve yourself, its for you anyway. You can still be simple yet pretty.

isabela wrote:They say what is important is inner beauty but that is not the real deal nowadays. People are always attracted to good looks first before personality.
Now if we are talking about internet, then people will know the person first before what he/she looks like. Will build friendship or more than that but what happens if this person see the physical traits of the other.
Two things, they can continue the friendship or the other one will get ditch.

It happened to me several time, I met some friends on the net, talked to them on the phone, had the grandest chatting moments and actually develop a deep feeling with one of them but after seeing me & my picture then everything change. He just stopped. I feel such a loser. That was two years ago and I told myself not to get involve in internet dating but just recently it happened again. No deep feelings but being dumped and rejected is terrible.
I’m not that bad looking, but are all these guys that I met are just too perfectionist?
And what’s in store for us not that good looking people? Aren’t we all deserved to love and be love in return? If all beautiful people wants good looking people and ugly people wants beautiful people as well, then where would the other ugly people go, in Antarctic Ocean with all the penguins.

I just need your opinions. I can’t share this thought to my friends actually. At least here you don’t know me...

Hope somebody will reply on this novel that I wrote

Every persons way of thinking is different , cyberspace at most of the times is a big illusion, its a way to hide your actual self behind a psedo personality. I wouldnt say all are the same but its true in most of the cases.

If someone suddenly stops talking to you or changes his/her behaviour on seeing the real you, its very clear what the person was looking for. For him beauty was only skin deep. I understand the feeling of being rejected is one of the worst feelings, but try and use it to your advantage, grow out of it a stronger person.

I hope you find someone who doesnt look at you just as an object but sees the person within you.

Cheers,

Jerry

here r 2 threads dealing with pretty much the same issue:

http://www.dubaiforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=7631

http://www.dubaiforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=8570

in addition to this : we all r looking for beauty, admitt it or not, the question is what we understand by beauty. both beauty and ugliness r relative, so we all are good looking and not such a hot shot in the very same time.
at the 1st glimps we are always attracted to the looks and general impression of the other, not the goodness of the heart... unless smbody claims to be a psychic and read others immediately
my guess is u need a few more years Isabela to know not to give much credit to internet enthusiasm, and not let a man's opinion or choice shake ur self confidence.

well...in all relationships you have to think abt getting into a relation...i mean you cant just get into relation in 1 or 2 chats obvioulsy u take time share pics and have long long hours talking online befor actually having a date and if you feel that u r not of his type or he is not ur type that happens very offten then just back off anthat wouldnt hurt you. What i had experience that ppl who consider themselves not confident to face other ppl and think they r looser they try to hide themselves and are affraid to go infront others untill they get into very hard bonding with others and thats y it hurts u when some one back off or dump u...i would say that dnt hesitate to show urself and dont ever think that you have to hide urself ..say everything in open and share it with your friends..dont think that u r not pretty as my b some one is looking for u ...

I've personally always been against meeting people online. I mean with the purpose of ACTUALLY developing a relationship with someone (friendship or more) online. Of course there's nothing wrong with meeting ppl online and then meeting them in real life, the same way we're doing here on the DF.

But the internet is very deceiving. The very nature of "chatting" makes it exciting yet dangerous. After all you're chatting with a complete stranger no matter how many hours of chatting, voice chat you've done. It is very tempting to start picturing the other in your head. So if you're "connecting" through chatting you might actually think the other person is a babe (male or female ). It's just your unconsciencous projecting your fantasies. That chick you've been talking to, who has so many things in common with you, who has the most sensual voice MUST be a babe too. Well it doesn't work like that. Unfortunately

In my opinion to limit the "dangers" of internet relationship exchanging pictures should be done as SOON as possible. Before getting attached to the person you're talking to.

First i wanna welcome u on DF, Isabela
2nd i feel like u have such a bad opinion about urself and i think u should do something to "cheer" up ur self esteem. i saied this before in a similar topic: that the image u create of urself and project on the others it is so important: what u will see in the mirror is what they will see also...if u r radiant and happy, kind from inside, even if u r not Miss Universe u will have that" something" that will make u special.
my advice to is is not to get dissapointed of what happens in the internet dating as it is not relevant at all!!!
ok, u may not be a walking beauty but u can try to improve ur looks: find the haircut or haicolour that looks the best on u, a nice make up to hide what u don't like, clothes that make u feel comfortable and suit u best...etc
stop complaining and do something about it!
and try to find a man who is available in "real" live ont only a few hours online!
best of luck

I have to agree with the other girls when they say it shouldn't be that way but it's very often the way it is.

Sadly the way someone looks gives the first impression and personality very often comes second, which is a shame.

But you know what, I hate to focus on the superficial stuff, but there are always ways in which we can improve ourelves, whether it's a haircut which better suits our face, what make-up we use, how we dress our body shape. You'd be surprised what a difference little tweaks make.

If you took two photos of me, one from my late teens/early twenties and one of me now it looks like two different people. Mainly because I'm now more confident in my skin and know what looks better on me now.

1st if the guy only going for your look, you can forget about him, no need to even think about him.

2nd like you said you are not that bad looking, maybe is not what you think the guys cut you off because of your look. Think about what did you say to him? were you too nervous so you overreacted? did you start talking about commitment too soon?

3rd if you think it is because of your look, were you over done your make-up or over dress for the date? trying to be natural and simple next time.

4th Confindence make you 5 times more beautiful, you got you have confindence about yourself. You might not be the most beautuful girl in the world but I am sure a great personality is more important. (imagine miss universe, swear every 2 words, spit on the street and picking her nose in public!!!!!!

Thanks guys ..you're all great.. I know I did not make mistake in choosing to post here...you all give good comments...

ZAM .. yeah ...i know i need to accept the fact that first good impression is always on physical appearance...about my looks ...i don;t know..what should I do? I don't usually wears make up cause I don't know how to put it ..especially the eye shadow...


JERRY hope i can find that person who will love me just the way i am (like bridget jones from collin flirth- i forgot his name on the movie)

RAIDAH i'll check the other posted messages..thanks...yes your right i should stop on depending on the internet just to look for someone to be a friend or more than a friend...perhaps its loneliness..need to find true hapiness by just being thankful for what i have right now...confidence . especially physically ..that i really need to develop...coz since childhood ..i never felt that i'm beautiful...(now i'm being too too personal )

LOSTGUY I know you can't just know a person or fall in love with him in 1 or 2 chats..actually the guy that i was talking about ..we're chatting for 1 year...w/out seeing each other...we're trying to be both in safe side ..and just decided to see each other after a year...nway ..he's gone now so ..forget him...
and about expressing myself...back in our country ...I have actually a lot of guy friends...and I dont; have hard time relating to them ...they actually always consider me as one of the guys but I always end up as just a friend ..they never see me as a potential lover...if you may call it that way...

NICK81 I think I'm done with internet chatting now...I mean getting too serious about it...actually this last situation that I have been dumped is a guy that was introduce to me by my uncle in Canada...i did not ask for it but because they want me to be happy by trying to match me but it turns out ...he doesnot like me as well...


ALEXANDRA..thanks for the advice and thanks for welcoming me here..
changing myself ...i can do it...as i;ve said since childhood i never felt beautiful that's the problem...you know the feeling that your in a big world and you feel invisible...


CHOCOHOLIC..I hope i can get your confidence...


FEIPO i think the solution here is for me to get self confidence...
but how should I start???
make up ...need to learn how to apply it...clothes...i'm quite good in dressing up i think...
actually I'm a bit chubby as well...( gosh..too much revealing myself now ) and anther problem is ..I'm an emotional eater...

Ok, I'm going to reel off what I think as I sometimes feel the same way (as some of my buddies on here who know me will vouch for)!!

When it comes to guys, I'm terribly unlucky. The majority of my friends are guys and they give me a lot of advice (as do my wonderful girlfriends). I've been told to play the game, be a b*tch, not be as open as I am, be mysterious etc etc. But it's not something I can/want to do, as I believe whoever I'll end up dating will genuinely like me for me... warts 'n' all. Not that I have warts, so lets say flab 'n' all!

I've been on internet dates, met guys at work, university, friends of friends or even just friends. It's not the medium you meet people through that's the problem. It's about two people being at the right place at the right time mentally/physically/emotionally. And that in itself is not so easy to find.

Don't take rejection too hard. I know it's easier said than done but if the person was truly right for you, as my friends tell me, you would be together. Someone more suitable who will take your breath away is probably just around the corner, maybe you already even know him... I believe things happen for a reason and it's all about enjoying the ride in the meantime. Meeting new people, experiencing new things and knowing yourself as a person. Don't get too hung up on it as it can be destructive and soul destroying.

Whenever I get rejected or upset, I think of all my positive points both physical and mental. You soon realise that the guy who's just 'dumped' you isn't that bright, as he turned down the chance to spend time with, get to know and enjoy some of lifes finest moments with a wonderful person.

I disagree with people dating people for their looks. I know from my experience, I've fancied guys who I initially didn't find attractive but over time I did. On the other had I know some stunning guys who I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. There needs to be some kind of attraction but I'm uncertain if it needs to begin with a physical one. I've also seen a lot of gorgeous women with what I consider to be not so good looking men and vice versa. Do what makes you happy. If you think you could do something to make yourself more attractive which would increase your self confidence and make you happy, I'd say go for it. Don't change for others, only change for yourself.

Now if only I could take my own advice!!!

I know some couples who have met online and they fell in love with each other's personalities. None of them were terribly disfigured so there was no risk of scaring someone off completely, but some are rather average looking, some overweight etc. It didn't matter though because they found someone who liked them for their personality. Looks are important for s.e.xual attraction reasons, but who is to say that someone can't fall in love with both your personality and looks (even if you aren't conventionally beautiful)? Brains are s.e.xy too! My advice then is to not worry about the few people who see your picture and then never speak to you again. You will get those kind of people. There are still a lot of people out there who are interested in other things than just stunning good looks.

kanelli wrote:I know some couples who have met online and they fell in love with each other's personalities. None of them were terribly disfigured so there was no risk of scaring someone off completely, but some are rather average looking, some overweight etc. It didn't matter though because they found someone who liked them for their personality. Looks are important for s.e.xual attraction reasons, but who is to say that someone can't fall in love with both your personality and looks (even if you aren't conventionally beautiful)? Brains are s.e.xy too! My advice then is to not worry about the few people who see your picture and then never speak to you again. You will get those kind of people. There are still a lot of people out there who are interested in other things than just stunning good looks.

True K. but I still think it's important to get the "looks" part out of the way as early as possible. Sure there might be exceptions when 2 ppl really connect and looks REALLY couldn't change the relationship between the 2 but disappointment is part of human nature. To limit the risks of this happening, just exchange pics... I personally don't see what the big deal is in showing pics when you first "meet". If I don't give a **** about the person what he/she thinks of me won't matter at all.

If the guy left you for the way you look, he wasnt the right guy for you anyway. Good Riddance , I say.

ZAM .. yeah ...i know i need to accept the fact that first good impression is always on physical appearance...about my looks ...i don;t know..what should I do? I don't usually wears make up cause I don't know how to put it ..especially the eye shadow...

----- Im no barbie too you know but for sure you can find some part of you that needs improvement. Confidence is one topic...



If the guy left you for the way you look, he wasnt the right guy for you anyway. Good Riddance , I say.

---- Eros is a man of few words.

Good point Nick, actually, I'm not sure how soon into the relationship they sent pictures. They all started out as friends first - they weren't in dating chatrooms I don't think.

kanelli wrote:Good point Nick, actually, I'm not sure how soon into the relationship they sent pictures. They all started out as friends first - they weren't in dating chatrooms I don't think.

I could tell you a funny story.... but I won't

Needless to say, many years ago I gave the whole internet dating thing a spin. But it just wasn't invented with cynical people like me in mind. Having said that, I have a friend who is constantly dating girls off the internet, but he's never settled into a committed relationship with any.

Of course the internet has moved on now.

isabela wrote:

FEIPO i think the solution here is for me to get self confidence...
but how should I start???
make up ...need to learn how to apply it...clothes...i'm quite good in dressing up i think...
actually I'm a bit chubby as well...( gosh..too much revealing myself now ) and anther problem is ..I'm an emotional eater...

Well... makeup you can learn by experience, buy some magazine to get some idea, look in the mirror and practise a few times. TIPS: natural is the best, put natural color eye shadows and lipsticks and fondation that match your skin tone.

Chubby? Does it bother you? do you think this is the reason why you are not confidence with yourself? (coz it always mine) if it does, no one can help you with that, you can only help yourself to lost weight.

Princess Banana Hammock wrote:Ok, I'm going to reel off what I think as I sometimes feel the same way (as some of my buddies on here who know me will vouch for)!!

When it comes to guys, I'm terribly unlucky. The majority of my friends are guys and they give me a lot of advice (as do my wonderful girlfriends). I've been told to play the game, be a b*tch, not be as open as I am, be mysterious etc etc. But it's not something I can/want to do, as I believe whoever I'll end up dating will genuinely like me for me... warts 'n' all. Not that I have warts, so lets say flab 'n' all!

I've been on internet dates, met guys at work, university, friends of friends or even just friends. It's not the medium you meet people through that's the problem. It's about two people being at the right place at the right time mentally/physically/emotionally. And that in itself is not so easy to find.

Don't take rejection too hard. I know it's easier said than done but if the person was truly right for you, as my friends tell me, you would be together. Someone more suitable who will take your breath away is probably just around the corner, maybe you already even know him... I believe things happen for a reason and it's all about enjoying the ride in the meantime. Meeting new people, experiencing new things and knowing yourself as a person. Don't get too hung up on it as it can be destructive and soul destroying.

Whenever I get rejected or upset, I think of all my positive points both physical and mental. You soon realise that the guy who's just 'dumped' you isn't that bright, as he turned down the chance to spend time with, get to know and enjoy some of lifes finest moments with a wonderful person.

I disagree with people dating people for their looks. I know from my experience, I've fancied guys who I initially didn't find attractive but over time I did. On the other had I know some stunning guys who I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. There needs to be some kind of attraction but I'm uncertain if it needs to begin with a physical one. I've also seen a lot of gorgeous women with what I consider to be not so good looking men and vice versa. Do what makes you happy. If you think you could do something to make yourself more attractive which would increase your self confidence and make you happy, I'd say go for it. Don't change for others, only change for yourself.

Now if only I could take my own advice!!!

really great advice..

this is like I'm in Oprah Winfrey Show...listening to a lot of advices from psychologists...
you should write some compilations of these advices...

That's another lesson I;ve learned in the passed...I keep on changing my self for others to like me...How many times I;ve tried gym, aerobics, taebo....diets...slimming pills...you named it...
It's like everyone around me wants me to lost weight and be beautiful..expecially my mother...but what happens after I lost several pounds..I gain it back again because I just don;t feel the change yet...
Till now ..I'm trying to rediscover myself...

zam wrote:ZAM .. yeah ...i know i need to accept the fact that first good impression is always on physical appearance...about my looks ...i don;t know..what should I do? I don't usually wears make up cause I don't know how to put it ..especially the eye shadow...

----- Im no barbie too you know but for sure you can find some part of you that needs improvement. Confidence is one topic...



If the guy left you for the way you look, he wasnt the right guy for you anyway. Good Riddance , I say.

---- Eros is a man of few words.

Anyway , I appreciate the message Eros

kanelli wrote:Good point Nick, actually, I'm not sure how soon into the relationship they sent pictures. They all started out as friends first - they weren't in dating chatrooms I don't think.

Yup, we are not in dating room and we did not change pics either..
we just decided to meet

Actually ...we click at first because we've discovered that we have the same birthday...how sad ..now every time my b-day comes...i just remember him....

Chick, diets just don't work. The trick is to just eat healthy and balanced meals and mix with execise. Which don't forget will also make you feel better.

Self-confidence is a big thing. Sure we all chage to try and pelase the ones we like, I defy anyone to say they haven't made an effort to make themselves more attractive to their partners. But you have to be happy with who you are, once you crack that, your confidence will shine through.

FeiPo wrote:

isabela wrote:

FEIPO i think the solution here is for me to get self confidence...
but how should I start???
make up ...need to learn how to apply it...clothes...i'm quite good in dressing up i think...
actually I'm a bit chubby as well...( gosh..too much revealing myself now ) and anther problem is ..I'm an emotional eater...

Well... makeup you can learn by experience, buy some magazine to get some idea, look in the mirror and practise a few times. TIPS: natural is the best, put natural color eye shadows and lipsticks and fondation that match your skin tone.

Chubby? Does it bother you? do you think this is the reason why you are not confidence with yourself? (coz it always mine) if it does, no one can help you with that, you can only help yourself to lost weight.

Chubby? yup bothers me a lot...since childhood i have been chubby...so i experienced being called up with different names...ugly names...and have cried out myself with that...
BUt how can you loose weight here in Dubai...
you go home tired...and eat ...
now I think i need another topic...
HOw to loose 10 lbs in 2 weeks or a month? and how to keep it...

U are what u think u are. Its all in the state of mind and how you feel about urself. If u feel ur beautiful , u are. There are so many 'chubby' people i know who dont let their chubbiness get in their way. Just look at Queen Latifah (the singer and actress). If u are not going to believe in urself, who will?

isabela wrote:

FeiPo wrote:

isabela wrote:

FEIPO i think the solution here is for me to get self confidence...
but how should I start???
make up ...need to learn how to apply it...clothes...i'm quite good in dressing up i think...
actually I'm a bit chubby as well...( gosh..too much revealing myself now ) and anther problem is ..I'm an emotional eater...

Well... makeup you can learn by experience, buy some magazine to get some idea, look in the mirror and practise a few times. TIPS: natural is the best, put natural color eye shadows and lipsticks and fondation that match your skin tone.

Chubby? Does it bother you? do you think this is the reason why you are not confidence with yourself? (coz it always mine) if it does, no one can help you with that, you can only help yourself to lost weight.

Chubby? yup bothers me a lot...since childhood i have been chubby...so i experienced being called up with different names...ugly names...and have cried out myself with that...
BUt how can you loose weight here in Dubai...
you go home tired...and eat ...
now I think i need another topic...
HOw to loose 10 lbs in 2 weeks or a month? and how to keep it...

I don't think to loose 10 lbs in 2 weeks is a good thing?? mmmhh I can't really tell you how to loose weigth as I think I need to loose weight too<--- I just tell myself I am a pig when I want to eat any junk food, it stops me eating junk most of the time.

Girl friend must be beautiful and wife must be ugly.


Girl friend is for showing to others "look what a beautiful bi.tch i have" but we can not have same remarks about wife and I dont want my wife spend 2 hours every day infront of mirror and i have to pay her bills

HP wrote:Girl friend must be beautiful and wife must be ugly.


Girl friend is for showing to others "look what a beautiful bi.tch i have" but we can not have same remarks about wife and I dont want my wife spend 2 hours every day infront of mirror and i have to pay her bills

you are sick!! you have absolutely no respect for any female at all. You don't call your gf princess and you don't say your wife ugly!!!!!!!

Let say princess to wife and ugly to girl friend , is it okay . Its true dat i dont have respect for anyone , not even for my daddy

HP wrote:Let say princess to wife and ugly to girl friend , is it okay . Its true dat i dont have respect for anyone , not even for my daddy

grow up will ya .. and dont u dare calling a woman a princess , its just sick

Corcovado wrote:

HP wrote:Let say princess to wife and ugly to girl friend , is it okay . Its true dat i dont have respect for anyone , not even for my daddy

grow up will ya .. and dont u dare calling a woman a princess , its just sick

damn i thought u wouldnt tell the poeple that you are not Jorden but u are in Denmark and we both are married here . Offcourse i have respect for my wife.

U jst ignore my political statement , outside the white house i am all yours wid all sweet words