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I need a little objective insight on my latest dilemma.

I have a massive crush on someone at my office. This would not be too terrible aside from the fact that he's actually at a relatively senior level.

Now, he's extremely professional and I'm quite sure has no clue that I think he's absolutely divine. He IS single!

We've connected from the day we met. We will have hour long conversations about specific projects I'm working on with/for him. And he will always ask me about me. How I'm doing this week, about my family, etc. We've had a very similar upbringing though his was about 8 years before mine!

Where as all his peers are lovely people to work with too, he takes a personal interest.

Basically we connect. But I'm very wary of office romances and absolutely refuse to show any interest.

But should I? And if so, then how? There must be a way to determine if the feeling is mutual? We have an excellent working relationship and we really enjoy working together cause we have an easy chemistry.

What do you think?

If it feels right, do it !!!

find out if he feels the same. if he does, talk it over how u can keep this to urselves. cos if it comes out in the office, ur done...

The question is ... how do I approach it with him in the first place? There must be some way which wouldn't embarass me beyond belief if the feeling wasn't exactly mutual.

Raidah

With respect thats bollox. If both are single then there should be no issue whether or not 2 people connect and date in the same office.

Saying "your done" is crap and you cannot possibly know this.

If they dated and remained professional when in work, it shouldn't matter one bit.

uve got to be kidding. 1st, they would be the gossip target of the whole office. 2nd, she would never know from then on, who will be honest with her, and who will try to take advantage or mess up for them. 3rd, if as superior he would ever side with her on anything, lots of ppl will say its only cos they r together.
the best way is to keep it to urselves.

dont try to force out a situation, let things be. and if ur talking for hours, i assume many times alone, than at some point smthing will happen, if its meant to be.

When you are in possession of the facts Raidah, maybe your observations would have some merit.

You cannot possibly comment on something you have no knowledge. You know nothing about her office or the people that work there.

Maybe you have experianced this, but it doesnt give you "carte blanche" to make it applicable to every office in the world.

I agree that its important to tread carefully but I also know that the office environment is supportive for the most part if people choose to date. I personally would be extremely discreet no matter what. But the issue at hand is, how do you determine that he's in fact interested?

what is ur problem? she asked a question, i made a comment to her post. and as much as i don t know if her office is a propper ground for the possibilities i described, u don t know either that its not.
so u give ur oppinion, i give mine, and maybe others do the same. at the end its her choice to listen to one or the other, not urs to say that mine is incorrect.

but i am not telling her in a summary that "her job could be on the line" Raidah"

There is a huge difference between "giving an opinion" and "being opinionated"

it is a question of interpretation. i never said "ur job is done"

u understand what u please. and since this thread is not about u lecturing me, i would kindly ask u to stop doing it.

If someone on here asks for advice on a public forum, i reserve the right to interviene, this applies to all of us.

If you do not wish to be subjected to scrutiny, then do not post advice if there is a possibility someone may oppose your views.

oppose my views. i have nothing against it, but don t lecture me. neither ur moderator status, not ur age r excuse for that.

and since no matter what, u wanna have the last word...be my guest. not sure though why is it of any good to u, if u make smbody better avoid u, rather than have anything to discuss with u...

now if u whish, pls go on with the lecturing.

PrettyPenny wrote:The question is ... how do I approach it with him in the first place? There must be some way which wouldn't embarass me beyond belief if the feeling wasn't exactly mutual.

Go out together.

i say just go for it, tell him how you feel and get this relation going.
life is too short to waste.

What you are faced with is something so similar to the situation I was in at my office. There was a girl who was an excellent friend but I was unaware that she was in love with me until the time she proposed to me.

It came as such a shock and since I didn’t feel any chemistry between us I refused in the politest of ways but she was so annoyed that she never spoke to me again.

Now the other situation was a lovely lass who was a new recruit and her designation was the same as my boss. I fell in love instantly and used to call her up and speak about anything under the sun when she was on her way home every night. To cut a long story short, the friendship turned to mutual love and we are soon to be married.

But.. she joined another company a little before we started dating so it was very easy to continue the relationship. We often wonder how difficult it would be if we both were still working in the same office !

I'm with raidah, you have to be careful about dating people from the office. Couples dating at the office definitely become gossip fodder, and if the couple have to work together there can be strain, accusations of favouritism etc. Finally, if the relationship doesn't work out, then the work environment can be strained, which isn't nice for the ex-couple or the coworkers if there is too much tension in the office. Having said this, there are lots of stories of things working out wonderfully, but it does seem that one person usually decides to switch companies so that all of the above becomes less of a problem.

Your heart ...

PrettyPenny wrote:I have a massive crush on someone at my office.

Your head ...

PrettyPenny wrote:This would not be too terrible aside from the fact that he's actually at a relatively senior level.

PrettyPenny wrote:Basically we connect. But I'm very wary of office romances and absolutely refuse to show any interest.

You can't control what you feel, only what you do.

There must be a reason why you're wary. Is it a good one? And what would you say to a friend who came to you with the same question?

Some companies frown on relationships between different level employees - for good reason. Would you (or he) quit jobs/change departments to be together?

Instead of worrying about whether or not a relationship is a good idea, why not try and arrange a social event that's not a date (eg go watch one of the world cup games with a few others) and see how it goes from there.

Crushes are not unusual, we all get them at awkward times - that cute teacher you had when you were 15 for example. And we usually get over them one way or another.

Get him drunk and jump his bones is an alternative strategy to consider .

Well I have been in your situation before. You should first find out what company protocol is concerning relationships within the workplace. Secondly, do you notice him dropping any hints what so ever? He might be trying to play it cool. I always believe in pursuing these massive crushes because they give us such a rush. My best advice to you is to look as hot as possible everyday to work. Strut that stuff!

Hahah .... You guys are great! I'm not sure if I'll ever work up the courage to actually drop a hint, and I'm not quite sure if the hints he's dropping are actually hints or my hopelessly romantic head playing tricks on me. But if anything does come of it, (this has been going on for 6 months!) I'll be sure to share the joy!

yeah..u should give him really sutle hints like, a wink or dressing up hotter, ask him for a casual outing and stuff like that .

That's another point, some companies don't like office relationships as they find it a hassle to deal with.

And the saga continues .... this man has me VERY confused .... they say its the cat and mouse games that make it so exciting .... I think this is more like hide and seek .... so many mixed messages ....

Whats to tell .... I can't get past my confusion and he's giving me mixed messages .... I'm sure men have SOME intuition .... I'm not exactly unreadable .... if its meant to be I suppose it'll happen ...

I think there is a long-term girlfriend in the picture .... recent discovery .... and also .... am a bit old fashioned, he should do the asking I think its kind of clear that I have a soft spot for him

Chocoholic wrote:That's another point, some companies don't like office relationships as they find it a hassle to deal with.

Unless you work in a big mnc with 300+ staff. Its no prob!

Well plenty of fish in the sea .... in the end he makes for an interesting diversion .... shouldn't take these things to seriously unless its actually transpiring into something ...

PrettyPenny wrote:Well plenty of fish in the sea .... in the end he makes for an interesting diversion .... shouldn't take these things to seriously unless its actually transpiring into something ...

reminds me of the Fox and the Grapes story