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gotta get some opinions about this:
i saw one of my friend's husband in a hypermarket with a woman that it sure didn't look close to my friend. i got shoked and i did not know what to do: tell her or stay out of it?! the shit thing is that the bastard was stupid enough to come to me and say hi, he was pretty sure i saw him and i was about to tell my friend. he told me: "listen, this is not what u think, try to understand me cause i don't wanna loose M (my friend), this is just some fun and i really love M!
well funny or not my friend just gave birth 2 months ago and i did not want to ruin her joy!
still i don't know what would be the best thing to do: to pretend i don't know, but if she finds out i would feel so shit cause i covered the love story between her husband and the "LADY", and on the other side i am affraid that if i will tell her i will ruin her marriage! damn thing! i wished i was not there to witness all that crap!
this made me wonder why some men r so stupid to risc their marriage for S>E>X only???? and what is that stupid excuse: i love her but i F**K another

alexandra wrote:gotta get some opinions about this:
i saw one of my friend's husband in a hypermarket with a woman that it sure didn't look close to my friend. i got shoked and i did not know what to do: tell her or stay out of it?! the shit thing is that the bastard was stupid enough to come to me and say hi, he was pretty sure i saw him and i was about to tell my friend. he told me: "listen, this is not what u think, try to understand me cause i don't wanna loose M (my friend), this is just some fun and i really love M!
well funny or not my friend just gave birth 2 months ago and i did not want to ruin her joy!
still i don't know what would be the best thing to do: to pretend i don't know, but if she finds out i would feel so shit cause i covered the love story between her husband and the "LADY", and on the other side i am affraid that if i will tell her i will ruin her marriage! damn thing! i wished i was not there to witness all that crap!
this made me wonder why some men r so stupid to risc their marriage for S>E>X only???? and what is that stupid excuse: i love her but i F**K another

it is so confortable for both women and men to blame the other woman if the husband is cheating. for us because we just can t admit and stand the feeling that we might have failed as women(which in 75% in the cases is not true), so its so much easier to blame her. and men...well, because they r chickenshit. so no man can be draged into cheating, unless he wants to.

about ur question...the answer is in the question, and because each and every society justifies when men full around. we raise our own boys with the mentality of having to be a macho. and machoes r all about f.cking around. just ask urself this question-what would u prefer? ur son being and acting like a "real" man, or showing his feminin side also with the risk of being taken for a gay? hmm? honestly.

She needs to know ..... so either convince him to confess or tell her yourself.

You will not be the one ruining the marriage by telling her - he has already ruined the marriage by cheating.

i would want to know if i were her, but i am not her, i am ME and the q that makes me go insane is : do i have the right to get involved in her life in a fragile topic like this and risk that she will blame me for ruining her happyness? she just had a kid, her Universe is her marriage and the kid, she looks so happy and maybe she will forgive him after all (u know how the romanians mentality works ) and i will become her enemy? i do have the courrage to tell her but i don't know if she will apreciate it!

ajb wrote:She needs to know ..... so either convince him to confess or tell her yourself.

You will not be the one ruining the marriage by telling her - he has already ruined the marriage by cheating.

good advice! i will speak to him tomorrow and maybe i can convince him to tell her everything! hope so!

It depends how close to her you are .... I mean is she a really good friend? or just someone you know?

If shes a good friend then I dont think there is much of a choice but to let her know ..... let her know that you will support her whatever decision she decides to make i.e. if she stays with him or not.

alexandra wrote:

ajb wrote:She needs to know ..... so either convince him to confess or tell her yourself.

You will not be the one ruining the marriage by telling her - he has already ruined the marriage by cheating.

good advice! i will speak to him tomorrow and maybe i can convince him to tell her everything! hope so!

either way, u will be the bad guy in this story. at this point with a 2 month old kid, there is NO way this information would be in her best interest. in my opinion don t say anything to her, at least for a while. u will not help her if u tell her now.

how do you see their relationship also? Is it shaky at best or are they so in love that if he says your lying then she will take his word as gospel?

ajb wrote:It depends how close to her you are .... I mean is she a really good friend? or just someone you know?

If shes a good friend then I dont think there is much of a choice but to let her know ..... let her know that you will support her whatever decision she decides to make i.e. if she stays with him or not.

she is a good friend and i will stand by her no matter what will be happened, but u know it's not easy for her to face this. he is the one with the money, she is not working cause she is home with the kid! so she can't say damn for him so easy! i know her situation but i guess i will insist that he will tell her, i will put some pressure on him!

she loves him enough to give up her parents and her college and have a kid with this hell man! i will see how things will develop and maybe she will descover by herself what kind of JEWEL he is!
i always hated this kind of situations..anyway maybe i can confince him to stop this before it will be too late, i will give him a chance for my friend and for the kid not for him(cause he is not worth a penny)

don't expect him to stop ... he won't

He may say he will and promise you he has stopped but he lies to his wife so lying to you will be no big deal.

Maybe you can have one of those kind of abstract conversations where you dont mention any specifics and either plant the seed of doubt so that she checks up on him or maybe sound her out as to whether she would ever want to know if he was cheating etc

What a horrible situation ..... one of those damned if you do damned if you dont ones

Women are just as likely to cheat as men

Liban wrote:Women are just as likely to cheat as men

And if she gets caught cheating on him then he should be told to! But thats not really the dilema at hand here

Liban wrote:Women are just as likely to cheat as men

Liban, no one saied the only men cheat, i saied some of them!

Speaking from experience i would keep your gob shut and keep out of it or you will get dragged in.

At the end of the day it's their business.

And would you be saying the same had it been reversed and seen your friend with another bloke ?

arniegang wrote:Speaking from experience i would keep your gob shut and keep out of it or you will get dragged in.

At the end of the day it's their business.

And would you be saying the same had it been reversed and seen your friend with another bloke ?

i am glad i posted before speaking to her....i was having serious doubts about this! i called her today just to say hi and she sounded so happy about everything, she invited me to her place, so i guess i will keep my mouth shut for now!

alexandra wrote:

arniegang wrote:Speaking from experience i would keep your gob shut and keep out of it or you will get dragged in.

At the end of the day it's their business.

And would you be saying the same had it been reversed and seen your friend with another bloke ?

i am glad i posted before speaking to her....i was having serious doubts about this! i called her today just to say hi and she sounded so happy about everything, she invited me to her place, so i guess i will keep my mouth shut for now!

Hey alex,
I do agree with arnie.
I mean as long as ur friend doesn't know anything, u should keep it for urself, but in the same time, whenever u get a chance talk to her husband and discuss what he has done !! make him feel the guilt so he doesn't do it again !!! and pray that this marriage goes on without any problems !

Palkid7 wrote:Hey alex,
I do agree with arnie.
I mean as long as ur friend doesn't know anything, u should keep it for urself, but in the same time, whenever u get a chance talk to her husband and discuss what he has done !! make him feel the guilt so he doesn't do it again !!! and pray that this marriage goes on without any problems !

i agree with Palkid7

Alexandra you must tell your friend about her husband. If you will be in her situation do you want to know if your husband is unfaithful? I think you will want to know. So you must tell to your friend. Just choose the best method.

Iron Guard Reloaded

Alex,
Is there anyway that you can get your friend to find out accidentally?? I mean, if you didn't actually tell her it straight, but she some how was to find out by maybe "accidentally" seeing them together or reading a text message or something?? Is that a possibility?

the_zooter wrote:Alex,
Is there anyway that you can get your friend to find out accidentally?? I mean, if you didn't actually tell her it straight, but she some how was to find out by maybe "accidentally" seeing them together or reading a text message or something?? Is that a possibility?

the guy needs to be busted for cheating specially in time when both mother and child need the biggest attention. and for cheating at all. but not just yet. think of her. she just gave birth, she is much more vulnerable and sensitive to everything. and the kid also needs a satisfied, happy mother. if told at this point, she won t be one.

raidah wrote:

the_zooter wrote:Alex,
Is there anyway that you can get your friend to find out accidentally?? I mean, if you didn't actually tell her it straight, but she some how was to find out by maybe "accidentally" seeing them together or reading a text message or something?? Is that a possibility?

the guy needs to be busted for cheating specially in time when both mother and child need the biggest attention. and for cheating at all. but not just yet. think of her. she just gave birth, she is much more vulnerable and sensitive to everything. and the kid also needs a satisfied, happy mother. if told at this point, she won t be one.

that was in my mind raidah...i care about her and the kid and as much as all this it's just an ilusion she seems so happy, so who am i to ruin that???
i met her today but i didn't say anything, we talked about something else!
hope i wont witness thins kind of things in the future!

the_zooter wrote:Alex,
Is there anyway that you can get your friend to find out accidentally?? I mean, if you didn't actually tell her it straight, but she some how was to find out by maybe "accidentally" seeing them together or reading a text message or something?? Is that a possibility?

no zooter, i will stay out of this for now! and if things go out of control than i will tell her, but for now she needs to be calm and have al her mind for the kid as raidah saied, so i won't let her know accidentally or not! illusion or not she thinks her life is perfect and i don't have the courrage to destroy her dreams!
sooner or later the lie will come up into light and they will decide what to do!

Dacus wrote:Alexandra you must tell your friend about her husband. If you will be in her situation do you want to know if your husband is unfaithful? I think you will want to know. So you must tell to your friend. Just choose the best method.

Iron Guard Reloaded

for sure i would like to know rather than to be taken for a fool and have the ppl laugh at by back! that is me, but i am not the one in question now, she is and she is vulnerable now, and there is not a best method to tell someone that the person that they consider their axis mundi is lieing and cheating...u know a good method to do that? if u know than tell me!

Palkid7 wrote:

alexandra wrote:

arniegang wrote:Speaking from experience i would keep your gob shut and keep out of it or you will get dragged in.

At the end of the day it's their business.

And would you be saying the same had it been reversed and seen your friend with another bloke ?

i am glad i posted before speaking to her....i was having serious doubts about this! i called her today just to say hi and she sounded so happy about everything, she invited me to her place, so i guess i will keep my mouth shut for now!

Hey alex,
I do agree with arnie.
I mean as long as ur friend doesn't know anything, u should keep it for urself, but in the same time, whenever u get a chance talk to her husband and discuss what he has done !! make him feel the guilt so he doesn't do it again !!! and pray that this marriage goes on without any problems !

from now i will stay closer to my friend and for sure i will take all the chances to make him realise what a mistake he is doing and how much is not worth it to risc his marriage and his kid for S>E>X . hope he will come to his senses!

i'd say you talk to the husband and try to convince him to tell his wife about what he was doing, it's the only way that she can't blame you for not telling her, but not right now.

Alexandra I think that you should tell her gradually. First tell her you saw her husband talking to a girl. Tell her that she should keep an eye on him just as a prevention. Tell her not to be worried but to check his behavior. Do not give her the impression that you know that he is cheating her but you must open in her mind a little idea of this possibility. If she will be panic-stricken try to calm down and tell her not to exaggerate. During a few weeks you may tell her more. After any 4-5 days you can talk to her about your supposition. Just a little.

He will try to make you to be a part of his cheating by not telling her. Do not let him to do that. If he will find out that you are telling to your friend about his cheating he will try to harm you.

I would take my camera and do some surveillance on the husband to find out if he is cheating. What a mistake it would be to accuse him of cheating without proper evidence! I'd get any photo evidence that I could that proves the two aren't just "friends". I'd leave an anonymous envelope with the evidence, or send the pics via an anonymous e-mail so that my friend could see for herself that her husband is cheating. This way I wouldn't be getting dragged into the situation by either party and would still be looking out for my friend.

Many of you might think that no one should speak up, but how would it feel to find out that your friend had a sexually transmitted disease, possibly HIV, because his/her husband had been having an affair that you knew about but didn't say anything?

Cheaters would love to get away with their devious behaviour, but most get careless and are caught by their spouse or spouse's family or friends. Cheating doesn't pay - it just ruins relationships and causes mental and possibly physical harm to others.

kanelli wrote:I would take my camera and do some surveillance on the husband to find out if he is cheating. What a mistake it would be to accuse him of cheating without proper evidence! I'd get any photo evidence that I could that proves the two aren't just "friends". I'd leave an anonymous envelope with the evidence, or send the pics via an anonymous e-mail so that my friend could see for herself that her husband is cheating. This way I wouldn't be getting dragged into the situation by either party and would still be looking out for my friend.

Many of you might think that no one should speak up, but how would it feel to find out that your friend had a fun transmitted disease, possibly HIV, because his/her husband had been having an affair that you knew about but didn't say anything?

Cheaters would love to get away with their devious behaviour, but most get careless and are caught by their spouse or spouse's family or friends. Cheating doesn't pay - it just ruins relationships and causes mental and possibly physical harm to others.

the tought came in my mind also, Kanelli...and for sure i want the best thing for my friend and now u made me realise something that i did not keep in mind: her health!
maybe i can tell her gradually like Dacus saied cause i dont have time to spy on him and take pictures, but somehow i have to make her realise what's going on

ajb wrote:She needs to know ..... so either convince him to confess or tell her yourself.

You will not be the one ruining the marriage by telling her - he has already ruined the marriage by cheating.

Ugh this kinda happened 2 a frnd of mine, they ain't married tho,
I did wat i thought was right & told her about it. BUT she's so blind she didn't believe me, after all the crap he said 2 her when she talked 2 him about it!!!!! Weird huh