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The following is a list of things I hear all the time in Dubai and it's driving me batty.


1. "It's like that, only" - this one can actually throw me into a rage. It seems to be a favourite of mid to low level Indian management types. They mindlessly blurt this out everytime you question them on the weird official procedures of their company.

2. "Hello maaaaam, helloooo sirrrrrrr" - we can attribute this to the service sector. Not hating on them but sometimes they just need to cut the saccharine sweet levels of politeness down.

3. "Ve need 4 Bassbort sized bhotograbhs?" - why the hell does every govt department here require so many photos. They took 12 for my visa!

4. "No Warranty" - you'll usually hear this AFTER something breaks and you take it back to the shop. Of course before buying the item, the guy will have reassured you that the item is fully covered with 1 year warranty etc. etc. The moment you pay them though, it's like they don't know who you are.. they'll tell you to take it to some crappy warehouse in Deira.

please feel free to add on...

Ahhhh.... The Middle East....

Most of you won't get this but cause I'm mixed I get Filipinos following me in malls going:

"Kabaiyang, Kabaiyang" I think it means countrymen or some crap like that.

Another one is that hand gesture people make, and no not the middle finger salute. [Hand gesture] + [shaking of head] + "please, please". Annoying when all you want to do is drive into your driveway and you have 5 buses blocking it.

and yeah, there's the drivers. let me stereotype, categorize, generalize and segment this oh-so-important market.


The Chinese Crawler - Canadians will know what I'm talking about. Thankfully most Chinese people aren't allowed outside of Dragon Mart. But when they do venture out, they're so scared it looks like they're paralyzed.

the Loco Local - enough said.

The Psycho Expat - highly frustrated at the traffice here after coming from the hills and dales of North London so think that they can do what they want, say what they want. Typically it's an overweight caucasian lady showing wayyyyyy too much freckly skin for our good.. and god forbid you run into one of these who's late for her appointment at Mercato.

Sleazy Lebanese Guy - sorry Liban but it had to be done. This is usually a guy in some upper end european car with more gel/oil/brylcreem in his hair than Ru Paul. In the middle of the day, he'll be driving around in his BMW wearing one of those bands you get at nightclubs just to let you know he's a frequent flyer at Trilogy / Boudoir. Likes to play cat and mouse with poor people such as me who are trying to cross the street! (Yes, I almost got run over by one fool in a Cayenne so I'm a bit bitter)[/b]

I think it must be something to do with owning a BMW (or other "top" marques). I used to have a BMW and, for some reason, I began to think I was better than others on the road, didn't use my indicators (not that anyone does in Dubai!!), and generally had no patience for lesser road users and pedestrians (for which I now apologise for!!). I've not got my BMW now, and I like to think I've become a more caring driver again (if you believe that, you'll believe anything!).
So, to summarise - its the cars fault, definately not the drivers!
Terranova - your "encounter" with the Cayenne would not have been the drivers fault at all really - he's just trying to live up to his cars stereotype!

Oh yes, and it really gets me when shop assistants are so damned helpful and polite!! If I'm in a bad mood and just want to be left to angrily look for something in a shop, then don't come upto me every 30 seconds asking how I am, asking if they can help you, and wanting to talk about the weather!! You'd think at the very least, that they could read your mind!!!
Surely not too much to ask??

Oi T! There's nothing wrong with freckles!

The whole queing thing ( or lack of it ) really gets me fuming..Why cant the some people in Dubai learn how to que and be polite..

perhaps workshops should be set up to fix this problem.....

Because their time is so much more important than yours! 'sigh'

Queuing??? You have to be joking-people can't even merge into traffic here-I look into the RH side mirror to see some loop 50 metres away put their foot flat to the floor to see if they can beat the concrete barrier and squeeze in with their corolla or echo at least 100 metres down the road. Saw a guy down SZR do it trying to beat a massive 4wd towing a huge boat (the boat driver was driving slowly I might add). Needless to say the corolla hit the back of the trailer and the barrier. DUH!!

terranova wrote:
Sleazy Lebanese Guy - sorry Liban but it had to be done. This is usually a guy in some upper end european car with more gel/oil/brylcreem in his hair than Ru Paul. In the middle of the day, he'll be driving around in his BMW wearing one of those bands you get at nightclubs just to let you know he's a frequent flyer at Trilogy / Boudoir. Likes to play cat and mouse with poor people such as me who are trying to cross the street! (Yes, I almost got run over by one fool in a Cayenne so I'm a bit bitter)[/b]

Chocoholic wrote:Oi T! There's nothing wrong with freckles!

Thats your opinion...

Oh yes, queueing - some people genuinely seem to either have no concept of this or are just ignorant (probably the latter!). I actually had some success whilst in Dubai (albeit limited) whilst queueing. When people pushed in, I gave them my intimidating look, and a few of them actually moved back. Sometimes, a look is all you need!

Because they were in a rush to exit heaven and missed out when God was handing out brains.

the_zooter wrote:Oh yes, queueing - some people genuinely seem to either have no concept of this or are just ignorant (probably the latter!). I actually had some success whilst in Dubai (albeit limited) whilst queueing. When people pushed in, I gave them my intimidating look, and a few of them actually moved back. Sometimes, a look is all you need!

My usual comment to them "theres a que, get to the back" Then that stupid hand gesture again, "please please". Take that hand and shove it where the sun don't shine u rude feather.

hahahaha, the sleazy leb thing made me laugh, although there is nothing wrong with bryl cream, it is a quality product!!!

My biggest loathing right now is people who refuse to reverse, this is a new phenomena for me, as you know with the shit load of construction, double parkers ect. there are going to be points in time where you will need to reverse. I'm not being sexist but the 5 times I’ve witnessed arguments it has always been with Arab women. I'm sorry but when there are 35 cars (not an exaggeration, I counted) queued one way and one lady queued the other who needed to back up 14 feet, i think she should back up. The police came; she shouted at them for 5 mins and then backed up her car.

Road rage is only becoming more prevalent here and it is only going to make driving conditions that much worse.

fayz wrote:hahahaha, the sleazy leb thing made me laugh, although there is nothing wrong with bryl cream, it is a quality product!!!

Yes Fayz... I saw that king sized bryl cream you have in your home... But you should only use it for your hair buddy... Its not good for other uses...

Fayz, in that instance I agree but overall I think too much reversing happens when it shouldn't. Like idiots that miss a turn and decide to reverse against on coming traffic instead off going 100 meters (or longer) up the road to make a u-turn and come back. Just because ur hazard lights are on doesn't make this ok.

Gab, Yeah theres some crazy loons on SZR that feel its a competition to see how many lanes they can change in one journey.

I personally find it highly amusing on the approach to Garhoud bridge where changing from 4 lanes into 2 confuses everyone to such a degree that panic sets in and all driving rules are thrown into the wind in a race to get onto the bridge first.

Priceless!

Liban wrote:Yes Fayz... I saw that king sized bryl cream you have in your home... But you should only use it for your hair buddy... Its not good for other uses...

Some people prefer to go for a trim there, some people want the cotoure' look

XRW-147 wrote:

Liban wrote:Yes Fayz... I saw that king sized bryl cream you have in your home... But you should only use it for your hair buddy... Its not good for other uses...

Some people prefer to go for a trim there, some people want the cotoure' look

lmao yes i hear the spiky hair look is in, I'm going for a rooster look, oh remind me what a rooster says again HAHAHAHA.

thorntonashley wrote:Gab, Yeah theres some crazy loons on SZR that feel its a competition to see how many lanes they can change in one journey.

I personally find it highly amusing on the approach to Garhoud bridge where changing from 4 lanes into 2 confuses everyone to such a degree that panic sets in and all driving rules are thrown into the wind in a race to get onto the bridge first.

Priceless!

Somebody needs to come here and film it to show it to all the world-it is phenomenonally bad!

XRW-147 wrote:Fayz, in that instance I agree but overall I think too much reversing happens when it shouldn't. Like idiots that miss a turn and decide to reverse against on coming traffic instead off going 100 meters (or longer) up the road to make a u-turn and come back. Just because ur hazard lights are on doesn't make this ok.

Agreed, all my instances are similar to the one i mentioned above two people pulling into an alley that is wide enough for only one car, the person who pulled in second should back out and give right of way but certain people do not. they expect you to move back 200 meters instead of them 10.

If you miss your turn take the next one, the roads here are actually pretty good so 100% agree that reversing in the situations you mentioned is a no no.

I think that if people drove the way they do in Dubai in the U.K, the police would be handing out disqualifications willy- nilly

I think we would have to double the number of county courts to keep up with the demand and perhaps have the largest recruitment drive for traffic cops in the history of the Police!

Gabs - i think you should be the one to film the driving on SZR - then set up your own T.V show in the U.K called ' Danger and Death in Dubai ' 'AKA 3D'

They would love it on the BBC ! lol

If people drove in the UK like they do in Dubai, half the people would be killed or seriously injured in road rage incidents.

Very true chocs !

especially trying stunts like that on the M25,
also people have a tendancy to keep wheel braces, tools and other long metal instruments of pain in their car.

Big trouble !

XRW-147 wrote:

the_zooter wrote:Oh yes, queueing - some people genuinely seem to either have no concept of this or are just ignorant (probably the latter!). I actually had some success whilst in Dubai (albeit limited) whilst queueing. When people pushed in, I gave them my intimidating look, and a few of them actually moved back. Sometimes, a look is all you need!

My usual comment to them "theres a que, get to the back" Then that stupid hand gesture again, "please please". Take that hand and shove it where the sun don't shine u rude feather.

Couldn't Agree more !!!

i came up with another one while I ate a yummy bbq chicken pizza from pizza express.


The Cranky Canadian - Comes from an emotionally sterilized country where people wake in the grey cold jump into 2 hour commutes to hell through the Don Valley Parkway (aka Don Valley Parkinglot) as ethnic thugs rain bullets in the 'burbs. However, they have come to Dubai becuase it is "intellectually stimulating and shows a desire to be internationally mobile". In other words, it's all about the benjamins. ANd yes, I'm Canadian.

The Sad Saf - These guys like to think that they're British. But everyone sees through them. And really, Cape Town isn't paradise or you wouldn't have run away to live in Jumeirah 3.

Noxious Ozzies - I actually like them though.

I have a confession.

Last night in a rush on way back from Battuta Mall, i took the wrong exit road and realized i was on way to Jebel Ali/ AD. Sooooooooooo......

I stopped, thought eeeeeeekkkk what choices, go to next interchange and do a U'er or.......................?

Reverse back up the slip road, over the SZR and back down to where i went wrong.

Its not easy doing 40 in reverse in the dark

Note to self: Don't get in the car with arnie ever again.

Don Valley Parkinglot - Good one terranova!