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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

"Two plus five, that son of a bitc* is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitc* is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,

"What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked,

"And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitc* is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

It was a meal time during a trip on a small airline in the south.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attended asked the man

seated in front of me.


"What are my choices?" he asked.


"Yes or no," she replied

thats one of the funnest jokes i have heard in a long time.
Simple fast and very funny

"Kids, ya gotta love em"

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

(",)

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad......." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

(",)

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

(",)

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

(",)

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says i t's a princess to iron."

(",)

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your arse?"

(",)

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy s... a talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

(",)

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

(",)


A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

(",)

Men vs. women
Ongoing battle

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about a blow job. 99.9% of them said, "the 10 minutes of silence"!
Advantages of having an affair with a married woman?
They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell.
Women have to be more beautiful than smart, 'cos men see better than they think.
Woman's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
a HEART to love him,
a DIAMOND to marry him,
a CLUB to smash his freaking head in, and
a SPADE to bury the bastard!
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: What's the definition of a gynaecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place where most other people find pleasure!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless later.
A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party. Later after knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him: "So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"
The new husband replied: "It isn't that bad. Past the first three inches,
it's all brand new."
A lady bought her ex a present for his birthday.
He opened it and said, "What the hell do I want with a rocket?"
She said, "You wanted space... now fcuk off!"
It's funny how, as we get older, our priorities change. The other morning I awoke to see my wife standing beside the bed, dressed in very skimpy underwear and holding several pieces of velvet rope.
"Tie me up and you can do anything you want", she purred.
So I tied her up and went fishing.

Jupiter wrote:A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

"Two plus five, that son of a bitc* is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitc* is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,

"What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked,

"And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitc* is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

think this was the funniest of all here.

I loooove the Chicken Little story!! Very funny!

My friend is a teacher at a primary school and the kids had to write a story about the sea and the creatures that live there.

One little girl wrote a story about an octopus that had 8 huge testicles instead on tenticles!!

How funny is that?!

One little girl wrote a story about an octopus that had 8 huge testicles instead on tenticles!!

How funny is that?!

soooooooooo funny

A b0y asks other ...What is the difference between a woman underwear in 80's & 90's ...
in 80's one has to open the underwear to see the ass and 90's u have to open ass to see underwear..

SheikhaS wrote:I loooove the Chicken Little story!! Very funny!

My friend is a teacher at a primary school and the kids had to write a story about the sea and the creatures that live there.

One little girl wrote a story about an octopus that had 8 huge testicles instead on tenticles!!

How funny is that?!

have u heard of this one..

a man goes to a doctor, says.. doc. doc. yours and mine make five..

the doc says.. r u sure u have none...

arniegang wrote:

One little girl wrote a story about an octopus that had 8 huge testicles instead on tenticles!!

How funny is that?!

soooooooooo funny

Cool! Sounds like a big load of b*llocks to me!!!!



Knight

Octoballs

ajoy wrote:have u heard of this one..

a man goes to a doctor, says.. doc. doc. yours and mine make five..

the doc says.. r u sure u have none...

hahahah its funny..!

ok I found these couple of jokes I hope u like them !

JOKE 1
A little boy asked his father "Daddy, how was I born?" Dad responds, "Ah,
my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway.

So here goes.Well,
you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.Then I set
up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. Then we
sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my
hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one
of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete
button,

nine months later a blessed little Pop-up appeared and said 'You've
got Male'."

JOKE 2
After marrying a young woman, a 90-year-old man told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he brought an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged at him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."
"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed. "Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly," replied the doctor.

JOKE 3
There was this gas station in "Redneck Country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't giveaway free sex". The buddy replied "No, it's not rigged-my wife won twice last week".

**********************

* TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
* PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
* TEACHER : What are you talking about? PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !



* TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
* PAPPU : Here it is!
* TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS : PAPPU!



* TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
* PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
* TEACHER : No, that's wrong
* PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!



* TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
* PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."



* TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
* PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"



* TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
* PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I have got another pair just like that at home.



* TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
* PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.



* TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
* PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !



* TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
* PAPPU: A teacher

Okay now check your IQ yourself!

How much is 1+1 = ?


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