Nucleus wrote:lonelyndubai wrote:muslimahs for that matter(the practicing non dating ones etc) because for some reason they have emotional issues of attachment, etc. But there are girls who are down to earth, for those type if you are muslim, you'd have to chugg the dating scene, ask your parents to find you a nice wife
I cut out the "white" part on purpose because I don't want to make it about race. What I've seen is the one with religious muslim values are the best ones, they have a very high sense of loyalty to the marriage and spouse. But is not that easy to assess that before marriage at first glance, hence, there are lot of mismatched couples and the loyal one suffer. Same goes for a guy.
For converts they usually go to Imam, and non-converts, they usually do through parents or relative.
With the people I've come to know over the years and whose marriages were done through imam, one main issue I've noticed, where there were problems, that imam also goes for a nice talker guy. Nice talker I don't mean by nice-sweet guy, I mean a guy who is good at making connections and friends but may not be loyal to the values in a marriage. Imams are humans, assuming Imam is not shoddy, they suffer from same short comings of judgement, but when converts are taking that route they usually have high expectations and overlook that side.
With parent or a relative, at least it doesn't have the shoddy part, but depends on the parent or relative what they are looking for. Many parents these days, even they are not looking at the right things, they might also looking for somebody in a "trophy" sense for the family; or they might have bias for somebody they know who might not have the high sense of loyalty to the marriage relationship but they like that person for whatever reason. Latter is more common problem in such arrangements.
So it is not that easy as it sounds, even in an arranged way; but this world is like that, it is not fair or just for many. But I guess it can be improved.
In my case, the girls I sense who would be loyal to the marriage relationship are very difficult to approach and they don't trust easily, which is understandable. The girls that are approachable, well, I don't trust them with loyalty side.
lonelyndubai wrote:Hence, a well educated mannered man will treat his ill mannered, pampered, princess wife with respect, honor, and luxury, whereas a harsh and ill mannered man will treat his golden wife with patience, values, and selflessness harshly....
I see this a lot, sad really. I my opinion, these guys are stupid (but from my observation most are like that) they have little sense or intelligence; the woman who makes them miserable they treat her so well, on the other hand, woman who makes their life happy they don't even give her her due respect.
But this is not just related to marriages, I see this even in normal friendships with both men and women. Exploiters are treated much better than true and loyal ones.
Makes me think, true and loyal spouse and friends are a blessing, if a person can find them. Not easy to find though.
lonelyndubai wrote:The whole dating relationship scene is flimsy.
True, but many people go to these channels (I mean night clubs) these days because that's the only way they can find somebody, even if they don't like this route. Especially true for Dubai, people seem not interested or seems to have trust issues. Only people seem interested are the ones who are after your money. Abu Dhabi I heard is better than Dubai in this area.
lonelyndubai wrote:In the end when she raises your kids on good values you'll benefit the most.
Well said!
--- Thu Mar 14, 2013 1:45 pm ---lonelyndubai wrote:the muslim men chase other women because their 'wives' were not chosen based on the above mentoned principles.
I'll add something to that from my observation -- it is not really related to "not chosen part," because it is not exactly like "not chosen" as it was in the past. Even with arranged match-making there is a choice. So two common reasons I observed:
(1) Men who chase other women (same goes for women) they do it anyways. Probably not the loyal types.
(2) Bad company and advisers. There are lot of people who seems to be friends but really all they do is try to ruin a good life of a person, persuading to have fun (in a wrong ways) etc... But the guy who takes up these wrong friends and their advises shows poor thinking and weakness in character.
Just my $0.02
so why would I take offense, which by the way i did say i warn my non muslim friends to stay clear from muslim men anyways.....which by the way are not really being true muslim men in the first place.
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