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I have read the book, its short . I finished it (which already says a lot for me) within half an hour. The story is quite simple. I don’t know, I guess I expected a bit more. I don’t like all those moochi smoochi stories, but perhaps a deeper exploration of the inner turmoils. You are right that love shouldn’t be a sin, that was a nice closure.
When I think about it, the feeling it left is about a holiday fling that didn’t work out in the end. In the end I found Elena quite stalkerish, keeping checking up on Tarek and following him. If I would notice an ex would do that with me, I’d call the cops on her. So, there she lost my sympathy.
By the way, I didn’t know DXB passport control had separate lines for EU passports.
All and all a cute, little story.

I haven't even started it FD.

The introduction says that all characters are ficticious. Is that just to protect everyone?

DXB doesn't have seperate lines for EU passports but it does have seperate lines for GCC passports. (I've got egate!)

Herve had a couple of things in 'Escape' that weren't strictly correct. He said you needed a residents visa for Utility bills. You don't.

It all adds to the story.

Hello Flying Dutchman ,

I just read your feedback and I appreciate it more than positive feedbacks as yours is more constructive.

I wrote a very short story as giving details in a book might put people's life in danger, and the aim was to pass a general message. In fact I had to delete a lot of the story.

The real Elena never checked on Tarek, the fictional character yes. You made me think about it so will give it a thought how to make it more realistic.

Its a shame that it sounds as a moochi smoochi story, or a holiday fling that did not work out. In reality it was two people that lost nearly everything trying to make it work out - but realised that it was impossible. perhaps having to "delete" all the facts and leave only the emotional struggle makes it sound as you say.

The trueth is the people who know very well the culture of the local people from Dubai will "understand" the story. My aim though is that others do to. Any ideas?

And finally, There are seperate queues for Europeans and the rest of the world; will see if it looks like there are separate ones for europeans from the way i have written it.

Thank you very much

Kohar

I didn't mean to say that currently it's a moochi smoochi story, I meant to say when more emphazise is giving to the emotions, it might easily turn out moochi smoochi, if care is not taken.

About Dubai culture, I have to say that I have some understanding of it, but was never close nor am I currently with any local, so I know it from a more distance. Contant with locals were and are only work related, not personal. But, it would be nice to see more 'Dubai culture' in there, and also some more specificalities (is that a word?) of Dubai. IMO, Dubai is a unique place, and could give the book some extra's, an extra touch.

As a personal opinion, I donot think all the 'facts' have to be real, that's not the point of story. I know how messed up people can become because of forbidden love, how confused, like all the ground they are standing on is trembling, the hope, the fear, and frankly I didn't find that back in the book.

I like you r writing style, and am looking forward at reading more.

Thank you again for this very helpful feedback

--- Apr 22, 2012 ---

Dialogue after publication...

The two girls were sitting face to face. They always had had a lot to say to each other. This time their roles had changed. One was trying to keep calm before exploding into angry accusations. The other one was trying to build argumentative defences to legitimate questions.

- I know how you are feeling Elena, but this is no longer your story. There are hundreds of romances in this world. You did not want me to write a romance book. You asked me to write an eye opening story so that people could see the reality of impossible love because of different religions and cultures. I thought you wanted to make people aware of the effect that religion has in their freedoms, whether living in religious or laic countries. Are you saying that I did not do that?

- I am no longer sure you achieved that purpose because of the way you transformed my character. People are even calling my character a stalker. They are saying Elena did not have the right to infringe the privacy of Tarek and his family.

- Elena, we did manage to pass the messages we intended to. They just went unperceived. People discovered the bottom of the iceberg without even realising it.

- What do you mean?

- Yes it is true that people in the West got angry with Elena and accused her of "stalking" Tarek. They said that had she been in Europe or America she would have gone to prison. But did it not their debate also lead them to realise that even in Europe she could have done just the same because of the veil that was covering and hiding her parallel life? Europe is boiling with the debate whether France infringed religious and personal freedoms by banning full veil in public. Your story just added a little example to the debate by showing that in either case there would be "someone's freedom" at play.

- What about the readers that are saying that Elena never loved him, otherwise she would have just stayed and married him, or let him free. They are saying that this ending makes it sound like a holiday fling. They could not feel the whole ground shaking under the feet of the characters, as it happens in forbidden love stories.

- There are people that know that to marry was simply impossible. Let them take your character's defence. As for the emotional suspense of forbidden love stories, You and Tarek set eachother free the moment you saw the ground trembling in each other's feet. I guess the reader felt just the way it was meant to be. Whether setting free is an expression of true love or holiday fling, is up to everyone to decide according to their personal definitions of real love.

- Should you have put more descriptions of places and events, the story would have been less idealistic and more real.

- You wanted a short story so that everyone could find the time to read. You asked me to use a simple language that would have as an audience not only the professional writers and book lovers, but also the people who never have the opportunity and time to read a book.

- Readers think the character of Tarek is not well developed and we learn nothing about him apart the scene where he is cooking eggs for her.

- Tarek does not represent only one person in the story. How can you attach personal characteristics to one character who represents all the men who are not able to love and live in Freedom? There are hundreds of books written on the women who had to fight for their love. Everyone knows how difficult life can be for women who do not comply to their family's and society's norms. Tarek, teaches us that the religious impact on people's lives is bigger, because he is a man and not a woman. He is what people would perceive to be the one strong and in control of his life choices. Only to discover that he is not.

- I just do no longer know what to think... Sometimes I feel like we failed the purpose. Probably Tarek would have written a much better story than we did. Just like he wrote Bittersweet memories...

- I know you might feel hurt and disappointed, but perhaps your expectations were too high. There are hundreds of books written trying to promote cross cultural tolerance and understanding. How could you have possibly thought to achieve that purpose with a short story only?