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Is there anyone here who have had relationship with a narcissistic person or has been a friend or workmate to one of them. I'd like to read your experiences and advice pls.

What would you like to know Berrin?

Concerning cluster B people, if you have the choice: RUN! These are the most impossible people to deal with. Any r/s, friendship with these kind of people will be toxic!

Did someone acccuse you of being one Berrin???

OH, where to begin???

Mr BB and I had a friend - who was like a brother to us - for about 15 years for me, a childhood friend to Mr BB. He was not a good looking man by any means, but a charmer. He was also a serious controller - went through 4 wives - that I know of. He sought women who were insecure and lacked confidence which enabled him to have total control over them. They were incapable of doing anything right where he was concerned. He controlled them right down to giving them an "allowance" in spite of the fact that they worked, their paychecks went into his acccount - no joint account - and they had to account for every penny they spent. I was always aware of his personality disorder, but he never "used" it on us. I was totally shocked at how he turned when our friendship hit the skids. He showed himself to be a very ugly, mean, individual who lived in total denial when I pointed out his behavior and his wrongs.

He had numerous problems at work and it was always someone elses fault. I had asked him to hold some money for me (almost $10,000) and I told him that IF he ran into a problem he could borrow from it. I said that assuming if he did need money he would at least check with me first. I asked him to wire the money to me and he informed me that he had used it - ALL of it. I was very upset and asked why he didn't inform me. His answer: you told me I could use it. I pointed out that he should have called me to check with me as I could have been in need of it at the time. OK.........then I asked what he used it for and he got very indignant and I was told it was none of my business!!! I eventually got it all back except for $1,500. I had borrowed a laptop from him and I "hit" the disc drive, knocked it off track and told him to get it fixed and I would repay him for the repair. He came back and told me that the laptop was a total loss and he was keeping the money to replace it with a new one. I told him to give the "broken" laptop to someone I knew and he said he couldn't because it contained extremely confidential information. So.........if the laptop was useless how would he get the info off of it?? What it came down to was he screwed me.

He doesn't trust anyone. He thinks everyone is out to screw him, and this comes from his own behavior because he's always looking to get over on people. He is a person who knows everything, is never wrong and has a false sense of being superior to people and is very judgmental of people, when the truth of the matter is he knows very little, is wrong more times than right and is in no position to judge anyone. During our on-line fight, I pointed out where he screwed over people and told him he was a very shady person, he justified it by saying that people ask for it, it's an opportunity and if he didn't take it someone else would. HUH???

It's a personality disorder that doesn't allow them to form long term friendships. Over time the personality gets stronger and the disorder because more and more obvious to people. In general they are unhappy, lonely people and eventually they end up all alone.

In my opinion there is a high degree of comorbidity between other cluster B disorders. ASPD (the sociopaths and psychopaths), Borderline PD and NPD. They lack empathy (and often a conscious), they are needy and its all about them. They can mimic normality (which makes them so dangerous), but cannot keep this up for the long-term for them close to them. These are the people known to be able to fool the most experienced therapists.
People with NPD are very insecure and have a very low esteem. They need to fill this void with others. They are emotional vampires, emotional parasites constantly looking for new hosts. They are the best manipulators.
They can be charismatic and intellectual, they can be very high functioning. Their emotional development, though, stopped at a age of between 3 and 6. People with NPD are emotionally very stunted.
There is no cure, no real effective treatment. If you need to deal with it, set your boundaries very firm and keep a very healthy distance.

This is a very serious mental illness, not somebody with issues or something. Its a very serious PD, ingrained behavior.

So what it boils down to: they are just plain crazy and dangerous!!!

Berrin wrote:Is there anyone here who have had relationship with a narcissistic person or has been a friend or workmate to one of them. I'd like to read your experiences and advice pls.

Just read any of BM's posts

desertdudeshj wrote:

Berrin wrote:Is there anyone here who have had relationship with a narcissistic person or has been a friend or workmate to one of them. I'd like to read your experiences and advice pls.

Just read any of BM's posts

I thought you didn't read my posts munchkin?

I have known narcissistic people over my life. Their defining trait is that they love attention but have no empathy for others. It means nothing to betray someone's trust or cause someone pain. They usually don't enjoy the suffering they cause others, they simply don't care.

These people aren't all evil and are capable of acts of extravagant generosity and tend to be extroverted and entertaining, but you should never trust them. A friend of mine from way back, loved the attention of others. He was also cronically short of money and came up with the most elaborate acts for gaining the sympathy of others. As entertaining as he was, it became apparent that everything he said and did was fake and he just wasn't a good friend.

blueshift wrote:These people aren't all evil and are capable of acts of extravagant generosity.

Its fake generosity to try to cover their lack of empathy and manipulate. People with well meant generosity donot make a show out of it.

Berrin wrote:Is there anyone here who have had relationship with a narcissistic person or has been a friend or workmate to one of them. I'd like to read your experiences and advice pls.

I would focus more on the advice rather the the definition or the experience.

With such kind of people, I believe it hurts more when you feel that they are using you in a way, and / or using anything around for their satisfaction, a$$holes, I knew few of them. could be wrong!

so you have to whether cut the relation completely, or be tough with them, not rude, just tough, give them no attention, if they call ignore it for a while, and above all try to find humble people, they give hope and support.

Always put in mind, if something / someone annoys you, you come first.
good luck.

Thank you all, it's just that a narcissistic male has joined one of my social environment and quite enjoys hanging around me. And it just didn't take me long to notice that he has mental problems, and thanks to a psychologist I met on twitter she soon told me that he was narcissistic. Tough I don't know how to avoid or drop him, his feet are certainly off the ground, almost godly behavior and somehow finds the weirdest ways to grind my thoughts/opinions, quite emotionally as well. while I am trying to stay away from him, I rather feel sorry for him as well, cause this disorder is not his fault, his personality must have been shaped by genetically inherited temperament which must have been induced by wrong behavioral pattern that shapes his character,forming this disorder eventually..

Bora I haven't experienced him as much as you have explained but I entirely witnessed what FD has said.

Blueshift I cannot stop loosing trust in him. I feel everything is kinda fake about him no matter how generous and charming he might be. he is wealthy btw and enjoys spending too....really sad..

Thanks Mahmoud, well since he will be around, I will just have to learn to set my boundaries and not allow him to overtake me.. This psychologist told me that there is no way I can manipulate to change their thought or behavioral pattern , to cope with him, it 's me that have to adjust my behavior to be in control of him!...Nice job! eh...

Why should you set boundaries and adjust your behavior to tolerate another person or to cope with them?? That doesn't allow you to be you. You will always question his actions and words, which means having to be on guard with him. Is his "friendship" really worth it?? I couldn't be around someone that I don't trust - if I can't be me, then it means I can't be with them. I would rather be around someone who doesn't have money and is genuine and sincere with good motives rather than someone who has to spread money around to impress people.

Give it time Berrin, you will get sick and tired of it and you will look to distance yourself from him. People like him can be exhausting - they can be a drain on you. The longer you wait and the more time invested, the harder it will be to get rid of him. Don't feel bad about pulling the plug now, you will be doing yourself a favor, and eventually he will move on. Also keep in mind, he won't care if he loses you as a "friend" because people like that don't make "friends" with other people. They attach themself to people who they perceive as being an opportunity. Do you really need someone like that in your life???