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Well it's that time of year again, when we are fed stats from the Government of how well our children are doing at school. My little story just goes to show how stats can be manipulated to suit their purpose!

Now I hate the stories about how all British youth are a waste of space and how the girls are all pregnant at age 12 and looking for a Council flat. There are loads of lovely kids around and I'm convinced of that by Beth's friends. We have open house here and kids come and go every day. Never once, have I said to Beth, don't bring him/her here again.
Don't get me wrong! If anyone stepped out of line, I'd be first in the queue to give them a slap.

Beth is doing very well at school, or so I'm led to believe. She comes home with very good results, recently gaining an A+ in physics and constantly reaching A grades in Maths and English. She was even granted the status of gifted and talented in geography a couple of years ago.

Well today I was brought down to reality with an unexpected bump!

It's school hols here in the UK and I was tasked, by Beth, to come home at dinner time and give her and her friend, Georgie, a lift into town to get the train to Carlisle, to do a bit of shopping. ( bare with me)

We were in the car and Beth was telling me about her antics on Facebook and BBM. Thankfully we have a very good relationship and she does tell me a lot (if not all) about what goes on via the internet.
Last night she was talking to Hassan (aged 16) on FB and his very fit brother (aged 21) who appeared to be dressed only in his boxer shorts. Unfortunately I missed that one Beth reported that they looked as if they lived in a nice house Bless her!)

Anyway...we got talking about another of her Dubai mates who speaks very good English.
Says Beth 'he went to school here'
Says BM 'where?'
'Somewhere beginning with 'H'' says Beth 'I forget'
'Howtown?' says BM (Howtown being a hamlet of around 10 houses near to us')
'Don't be silly' says Beth 'as if he'd go to school in Howtown!'
Georgie pipes up in the rear of the beemer
'Halifax?'
'Don't be silly' says Beth 'that's a bank!'
At this point BM nearly breaks the speed limit.
'WHAT?'
'Oh my bloody Good God! I don't believe you just said that!!!'
'What?' says Beth
'that Halifax is a bank! It's a bloody town, you thick git!'
'Well where is it?' says Beth
'In London!' says Georgie

I still think it was harder to get a GCE than a GCSE!

Well BM, some felicitations are in order for your Beth doing so well in her studies! I bet part of the credit goes to her beautiful mom .
Quite obviously, the city of Halifax is far away.
There was a Halifax Building Society back when I used to haunt England. I am sure it would have turned into a Bank by now, considering that I left all my wealth in it when I left the UK, amounting to all of 125 Pounds Sterling plus change! I have never forgotten that princely sum, and some day I intend to reclaim what is rightfully mine!
As for what goes on over the Internet, remains such a mystery to me, but not to the younger lot. I've heard that people even get married over the internet now ! What next?
I met a dear old lady recently who solemnly declared to me that she knew nothing about computers, and (her exact words) didnt know what cyber-s.ex was. I started to laugh, but then checked myself when I searched her face for some signs of humour, but she appeared dead serious!
Is this the future of humanity???

Oh yay another BM bragging post, thinly veiled as something remotely interesting

Well Zonker, I do believe I had been lulled into a false sense of security as far as Beth's education goes. There was me thinking how well she was doing only to find out she didn't know where Halifax was. Dunce! I shall now bombard her with questions on geography every time she ventures forth from her bedroom. Its all very well admiring some young man's wardrobes, via webcam, in Dubai, if you can't find your way to West Yorkshire.
I'm still confident that she will go far though. She has a lovely face

I was relaying my story to friends at work Zonker, we were chillin, cause it was Friday! We were discussing the internet and the likes and I was recalling that when I was young, I had to go out to the phone box to make and receive calls. You put your money in and pressed button A or B. Phone boxes were drafty spots and always smelt of wee. Now Beth gets her lap top out and talks to some fit young man whilst lying on the comfort of her bed! Now that's progress Zonker!

Yes, the Halifax Building Society is now a bank. I'm not sure if, as a taxpayer, I own any of this bank, but if I do, I hope to return your investment soon. I can't say it will be any more than £125 mind! In fact, you should think yourself lucky to be getting the £125 you originally invested.

Of course it is. Oh look at me, my sprog gets straight A, I drive a beemer blah blah who cares! Once again a drawn out post with zero point than for you to pff out your chest and crow about how great you are. BORING!

Chocoholic wrote:Oh yay another BM bragging post, thinly veiled as something remotely interesting

Don't be jealous Chocs! I realise you can't claim to be best at motherhood. Never mind! Has the old biological clock stopped ticking? Have your polysistic ovaries got the better of you? Don't dispair! There's always adoption

-- Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:00 am --

Chocoholic wrote:Of course it is. Oh look at me, my sprog gets straight A, I drive a beemer blah blah who cares! Once again a drawn out post with zero point than for you to pff out your chest and crow about how great you are. BORING!

Take double dose this morning Chocs. Looks like you're in for a rough one

You're nothing more than an attention seeker. Virtually every post is some long winded story about YOU. With zero point.

What the hell did it have to do with the curriculum? NOTHING - as always.

I'm BM - crow crow, look at me crow crow.

Chocoholic wrote:You're nothing more than an attention seeker. Virtually every post is some long winded story about YOU. With zero point.

What the hell did it have to do with the curriculum? NOTHING - as always.

I'm BM - crow crow, look at me crow crow.

When I was at school, Chocs, we were always advised to write about things we know. I've always heeded that advice You would do well to do the same as you often write about things you don't know about and it shines through on your every post!

If you could put your jealousy to one side and were able to digest anything you may have gathered that my post was saying how kids are marked highly these days, when in fact they aren't doing aswell as we are led to believe by their results.
They come out with A's (hence the 98% pass rates) and don't know what's going on around the corner.
I realise this may have gone over your head tho. After all, you do claim to have had a wonderful University education.
As they say where I come from, you are an intelligent thick f*cker.

Crow crow crow.

Chocoholic wrote:Crow crow crow.

Yes, I can certainly see the likeness

Crow crow crow and crow some more

Chocoholic wrote:Crow crow crow and crow some more

C'mon Chocs! You can do better than that! Give it both barrels. It's not like you to hold back!
You did tell DF you were a fully trained marksman

Crow crow crow I'm Bm look at ME. I'm great, my kids are great, I've got everything, let me tell you about it all in the minutest detail - CROW CROW CROW

Chocoholic wrote:Crow crow crow I'm Bm look at ME. I'm great, my kids are great, I've got everything, let me tell you about it all in the minutest detail - CROW CROW CROW

Well they do say, if you've got it, flaunt it

You could always add to the list of your achievements Chocs! There's a list of them on another post somewhere, I wonder if I can find it

crow

Jeez Chocs! Is that your most recent photo?

You really should get the number of the lady that does the facial hair waxing!
They do say dark haired people can suffer with that facial hair thing.
Thank God I'm blonde!

Crow

crow

Give me a minute, I'm just searching for the list of your achievements Chocs!

Caw caw

And the point of that is what? Everyone else mentions stuff in passing - you go out of your way to blow your own trumpet. I don't know anyone else who deliberately starts threads, apart from you, just to big themselves up.

Chocoholic wrote:And the point of that is what? Everyone else mentions stuff in passing - you go out of your way to blow your own trumpet. I don't know anyone else who deliberately starts threads, apart from you, just to big themselves up.

I don't know anybody that tries to big themselves as much as you do and fails so miserably!
If you aren't bigging yourself up here, you're attempting to do it on expatwoman. When do you actually get the time to achieve all the things you claim?
Been followed by the Police again lately?

I'm so glad you wasted much of your precious time scouting the forum for stuff. So what? Still does't change the fact that you're the only member who starts threads to brags about themselves. Everyone else's stuff is mentioned in passing or in response to something. Guess you don't understand the concept.

Chocoholic wrote:I'm so glad you wasted much of your precious time scouting the forum for stuff. So what? Still does't change the fact that you're the only member who starts threads to brags about themselves. Everyone else's stuff is mentioned in passing or in response to something. Guess you don't understand the concept.

I didn't waste my time on you, you silly girl, or I would have reposted the post. Are you totally thick or do you just do a good impression?

I'll spell it out again should I? Seeing as your brain cells aren't coping today. How is saying that your daughter doesn't know where Halifax is, bragging?
It was a small story about children achieving results that don't reflect their true capability.
The fact that I mentioned my car seems to be giving you a problem today. I think I've mentioned before that I drive a BMW. Its grey, a four wheel drive and goes very fast indeed. I hope that hasn't sent you over the top Chocs. I paid cash for it too. Hope that hasn't caused a further hemorrhaging of your jealousy.

yawn

Chocoholic wrote:yawn

Well you could always follow your own advice!

I once had a conversation with a colleague who lived in Reigate, Surrey, during the discussion he enquired where I was from, after I told him Huddersfield, he declared ‘ere! oi got sam friends ap nouf, (meaning, I have some friends who live in the North of England!) oh, I asked where in the North?...Yer, Readin’ he said.

I and another Northern colleague then went on to convince him that Huddersfield was in fact in the Welsh Valleys of Northumbria!

Obviously Dillon you have been mixing in the wrong social circles in Reigate!

Quite clearly Huddersfield is in Pakistan.

‘ere! oi got sam friends ap nouf

That's quite a good Somerset accent for a boy from 'uddersfield!

patience wrote:Obviously Dillon you have been mixing in the wrong social circles in Reigate!

Quite clearly Huddersfield is in Pakistan.

There is some of Huddersfield in Pakistan Patience, mainly looking for spouses to marry and take back to dear old Blighty and introduce them to the social welfare system there, but I think there’s a lot more of Pakistan in Huddersfield unfortunately!



-- Sat Aug 06, 2011 4:39 pm --

Bethsmum wrote:

‘ere! oi got sam friends ap nouf

That's quite a good Somerset accent for a boy from 'uddersfield!

No BM, a Somerset accent would be “Yrr, oi gaa’ sm frens op nrrth”

I was a guest at the Two Bridges Hotel in Two Bridges in Devon many Years ago and Breakfast was served to you from a buffet style servery, and as the waitress was handing me my plate of bacon and eggs, I said to her jokingly, ooh look! There’s just enough room on there for another slice of bacon and some tomatoes, what do you think? And the reply with a most serious look ” Ooh I don’ know ‘bou’ thaaat, you beddrr go see mesr den’”

Mr Dint, was the Manager, affectionately named after his Kirk Douglas like dimple in his chin.