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I received this feedback from my friends and colleagues more than once! I became a bit worried. I don’t consider myself THAT aggressive but I know sometimes I have short temper!

How do you people control your anger?

Hello Mel!
It's a difficult one! Now I don't know whether you are a lot different away from the forum, but i wouldn't describe you as aggresive at all! In fact I think you appear to be one of the least aggressive people here.
Now I think a lot gets lost in translation as Mahmoud has describe BM as being aggressive, when that was the furthest from my mind lately here on DF! I have to say I don't consider myself aggressive but I know I can come across as a bit fierce.I've had feedback on that at work LOL. I have to work on that.

As for controlling your temper Mel. Well I find the older I get, the more control of myself, I have. The best thing I find is to take a deep breath. There is a lot of truth in the saying 'least said, soonest mended'.
As far as DF goes, sometimes I want to rattle off a reply to a post I see, but I go away, have a think and come back. It's much more effective when you take time to reply Mel.

Bethsmum wrote:As far as DF goes, sometimes I want to rattle off a reply to a post I see, but I go away, have a think and come back. It's much more effective when you take time to reply Mel.

Well said BM...

I think there is a difference between being aggressive or being temper person, what do you think?
I think aggressive is more serious and doesn't need only an advice, but you have to read a lot about how to avoid it completely..
temper is nothing bad, but needs to be controlled, may be by holding your breath, changing your position (sit - stand - walk... etc), holding a stress ball.. I once walked 25 KM to cool down ...

I think to know if you are aggressive you got to keep watching decent or even sensitive people around you and see, are they avoiding you? i guess this could be a sign...

melika969 wrote:I received this feedback from my friends and colleagues more than once! I became a bit worried. I don’t consider myself THAT aggressive but I know sometimes I have short temper!

How do you people control your anger?

What makes you lose your temper?

One sure way to tell is if you find yourself wearing handcuffs and one of those masks like Hannibal Lector...



Knight

Well I think those who know me outside the forums should tell if I am different out of DF. What makes me lose temper??Usually people! Lol , I think sometimes I overreact too harsh. I don’t yell or abuse, but I can be very mean and bold, and that usually put people off.

Maybe it is our culture, people are not much frank with each other.

I remember once in a meeting, a guy said that my team hasn’t prepared a report on time. I went back to the office, had some talks with my colleagues and realized he was wrong. So I wrote an email and attached all the documents and reports and proved him to be wrong. I wrote to him that ,please do enough research before you accuse my department of something wrong! And I put all the people who participated in that meeting in CC too. It made too much noise; the guy said he almost got a heart attack because of my email. Still I think he deserved it!

Take a walk, or deep breath might not be very helpful to me. Because when I think I have to get done with something I will do it anyways, doesn’t matter how long it takes. I just wish I didn’t have to overreact so harsh. But the problem is when I don’t do it, I feel like I was being weak and didn’t defend my rights!

melika969 wrote:Well I think those who know me outside the forums should tell if I am different out of DF. What makes me lose temper??Usually people! Lol , I think sometimes I overreact too harsh. I don’t yell or abuse, but I can be very mean and bold, and that usually put people off.

Maybe it is our culture, people are not much frank with each other.

Might be a "timing" issue

^^^Maybe you are right Ambassador! but still other people can control it in that "time" too!

melika969 wrote:^^^Maybe you are right Ambassador! but still other people can control it in that "time" too!

Sometimes you just have to do this:

Dubai Knight wrote:One sure way to tell is if you find yourself wearing handcuffs and one of those masks like Hannibal Lector...



Knight

I've seen those outfits in the Anne Summers catalogue. Scarey!

-- Tue Apr 05, 2011 3:47 pm --

Take a walk, or deep breath might not be very helpful to me. Because when I think I have to get done with something I will do it anyways, doesn’t matter how long it takes. I just wish I didn’t have to overreact so harsh. But the problem is when I don’t do it, I feel like I was being weak and didn’t defend my rights!

Mel, don't get mad, get even. it's much more effective

If you are going to send an email which you consider may be thought of as harsh or aggresive, minimise it for 5 minutes, or go and make a cup of coffee or whatever, come back to it, reread it, and if you're fine with it, press send. I bet you change some of it on hindsight.

Bethsmum wrote:Mel, don't get mad, get even. it's much more effective

If you are going to send an email which you consider may be thought of as harsh or aggresive, minimise it for 5 minutes, or go and make a cup of coffee or whatever, come back to it, reread it, and if you're fine with it, press send. I bet you change some of it on hindsight.

Yes BM, will try that. But usually I dont find my emails harsh and aggressive, others find them that way!

melika969 wrote:I received this feedback from my friends and colleagues more than once! I became a bit worried. I don’t consider myself THAT aggressive but I know sometimes I have short temper!

Yes you need to improve on your debating skills no doubt , I suggest finding a toastmasters club in your area to help you with that. And ur most probably single too, So see if you can solve that issue.

melika969 wrote:How do you people control your anger?

The source of anger are 2 qualities , Arrogance & Ignorance,

Arrogance is rectified when you stop giving yourself too much importance and are able to keep you ego in check

Ignorance is rectified by first accepting that you dont know something, and then seek to find out about it, And if you insist on talking about it , State clearly "These are my opinions and are subject to a variety of errors"

Good luck

melika969 wrote:I received this feedback from my friends and colleagues more than once! I became a bit worried. I don’t consider myself THAT aggressive but I know sometimes I have short temper!

How do you people control your anger?

Am I aggressive? Nopes...I just get what I want, by hook or by crook And what people say is merely water under the bridge. give it no thought.

So habibi, you are too aggressive they say? Naa i think the people who've said that are just too laid back to ever want anything out of life.

On the flip side try Milk with Honey hear it's a darn good remedy for everything

I was very aggressive when I was younger and fighting all the time.
But I have mellowed now.
Before expecting to become a bit short tempered again in my later years (like most old people), except DK and Sage of course.

How do you know if you are aggressive?
Answer: You imagine an insult where non was meant; you are willing to fight on the slightest provocation; you browbeat your colleagues, and bully your juniors. You suck up to your seniors with the sole purpose of getting ahead and getting that pay raise/promotion by next week. As a result, you are strung up; you dont sleep too well; your work output falls; you unerve your colleagues; you have high blood pressure. You drive as if you own the road, cutting off other drivers, and getting ahead of them and trying to beat them at traffic signals. You make rude signals to the other road users. If you hold this pattern for long enough, you begin to get ulcers, heart problems, or a stroke. Or you meet another aggressive person and then the fireworks really start!
If you have non of these signs and symptoms, then you are not aggressive, and you can relax. You will be alright!

zonker wrote:How do you know if you are aggressive?
Answer: You imagine an insult where non was meant; you are willing to fight on the slightest provocation; you browbeat your colleagues, and bully your juniors. You suck up to your seniors with the sole purpose of getting ahead and getting that pay raise/promotion by next week. As a result, you are strung up; you dont sleep too well; your work output falls; you unerve your colleagues; you have high blood pressure. You drive as if you own the road, cutting off other drivers, and getting ahead of them and trying to beat them at traffic signals. You make rude signals to the other road users. If you hold this pattern for long enough, you begin to get ulcers, heart problems, or a stroke. Or you meet another aggressive person and then the fireworks really start!
If you have non of these signs and symptoms, then you are not aggressive, and you can relax. You will be alright!

Good "definition"...

Ambassador wrote:

zonker wrote:How do you know if you are aggressive?

Answer: You imagine an insult where non was meant; you are willing to fight on the slightest provocation; you browbeat your colleagues, and bully your juniors.

You suck up to your seniors with the sole purpose of getting ahead and getting that pay raise/promotion by next week. As a result, you are strung up; you dont sleep too well; your work output falls; you unerve your colleagues; you have high blood pressure.

You drive as if you own the road, cutting off other drivers, and getting ahead of them and trying to beat them at traffic signals. You make rude signals to the other road users.

Good "definition"...

Good definition....of someone from Beirut!



Knight

zonker wrote:How do you know if you are aggressive?
Answer: You imagine an insult where non was meant; you are willing to fight on the slightest provocation; you browbeat your colleagues, and bully your juniors. You suck up to your seniors with the sole purpose of getting ahead and getting that pay raise/promotion by next week. As a result, you are strung up; you dont sleep too well; your work output falls; you unerve your colleagues; you have high blood pressure. You drive as if you own the road, cutting off other drivers, and getting ahead of them and trying to beat them at traffic signals. You make rude signals to the other road users. If you hold this pattern for long enough, you begin to get ulcers, heart problems, or a stroke. Or you meet another aggressive person and then the fireworks really start!

That's scaryy!

-- Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:34 am --

Misery Called Life wrote:

melika969 wrote:I received this feedback from my friends and colleagues more than once! I became a bit worried. I don’t consider myself THAT aggressive but I know sometimes I have short temper!

How do you people control your anger?

Am I aggressive? Nopes...I just get what I want, by hook or by crook And what people say is merely water under the bridge. give it no thought.

So habibi, you are too aggressive they say? Naa i think the people who've said that are just too laid back to ever want anything out of life.

On the flip side try Milk with Honey hear it's a darn good remedy for everything

I like to agree with you MCL, They are just thin skinned!
Milk with honey sounds good!

zonker wrote:How do you know if you are aggressive?
Answer: You imagine an insult where non was meant; you are willing to fight on the slightest provocation; you browbeat your colleagues, and bully your juniors. You suck up to your seniors with the sole purpose of getting ahead and getting that pay raise/promotion by next week. As a result, you are strung up; you dont sleep too well; your work output falls; you unerve your colleagues; you have high blood pressure. You drive as if you own the road, cutting off other drivers, and getting ahead of them and trying to beat them at traffic signals. You make rude signals to the other road users. If you hold this pattern for long enough, you begin to get ulcers, heart problems, or a stroke. Or you meet another aggressive person and then the fireworks really start!
If you have non of these signs and symptoms, then you are not aggressive, and you can relax. You will be alright!

according to this def. I am not aggressive at all... but apart from the list of diseases, it sounds fun to be aggressive...

melika969 wrote:Well I think those who know me outside the forums should tell if I am different out of DF. What makes me lose temper??Usually people! Lol , I think sometimes I overreact too harsh. I don’t yell or abuse, but I can be very mean and bold, and that usually put people off.

Maybe it is our culture, people are not much frank with each other.

I remember once in a meeting, a guy said that my team hasn’t prepared a report on time. I went back to the office, had some talks with my colleagues and realized he was wrong. So I wrote an email and attached all the documents and reports and proved him to be wrong. I wrote to him that ,please do enough research before you accuse my department of something wrong! And I put all the people who participated in that meeting in CC too. It made too much noise; the guy said he almost got a heart attack because of my email. Still I think he deserved it!

Take a walk, or deep breath might not be very helpful to me. Because when I think I have to get done with something I will do it anyways, doesn’t matter how long it takes. I just wish I didn’t have to overreact so harsh. But the problem is when I don’t do it, I feel like I was being weak and didn’t defend my rights!

Aggressive behaviour means standing up for your rights, but in a way that violates the rights of other people, it means saying what you believe in a way that assumes that it is the only truth, and that any contradictory statement is wrong. Aggressive people often use anger, aggressive body language and other threatening behaviour to bully, subjugate, control and dominate other people, they will use punishing language to infer guilt and create shame, they will use overt techniques of conversion to create unquestioning compliance. These people have a low EQ, (Emotional Intelligence)

Assertive behaviour means standing up for your rights, but expressing your truths in a way that neither shrinks from what you want to communicate nor assumes that they are the only valid truths.
Assertiveness also includes recognizing and respecting the equality, rights and truths of other people. You need to be assertive to deal successfully with aggressive behaviour. Assertive people have a high EQ.

I think your response to the aggressive accusation, was assertive.

^^^Thanks Dillon, I Agree!
Here they don’t differentiate between assertive and aggressive.

I'm assertive!!!! But because of other people's aggresive behavior, I respond in kind.

I'm a wimp and proud!!!