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Stressful day for BM at the seat of Government today!
At around 4.30pm last night a member of BM's team presented her with a problem.
One of BM's team is Hannah, a little blonde piece weighing about 6 and a half stone wet through with BIG BIG issues. Hannah must cycle 5 miles every morning, come hail, rain or shine, will not change her lunch hour for anybody, has fat days when she bins every single scrap of food in the cupboard, makes her mother stand when visiting in case she mucks her cushions up and is physically sick when she has to spend any money. Hannah is unattached and lives alone.
Hannah to BM 'I can't balance this'
BM to Hannah 'Whats the problem?'
Hannah to BM 'It won't balance'
BM to Hannah 'Yes, I gathered that, why?'
Hannah to BM 'dunno'
Leave it with me.
BM took a glance at the paper work. No light bulb moment. BM can see she will have to start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.
One hour later and no further forward I retreat to Casa BM, and looking forward to Friday.
Friday comes around and BM logs in at 8.20am. Two cups of coffee, a check of FB and DF and BM is ready for action.
I'm no further forward at 10am when Hannah shoves some paperwork in front of BM. 'sign that' Hannah is Cumbrian and they don't stand on ceremony. 'What is it?' asks BM. 'Unpaid direct debits' says Hannah.
At this point BM had an out of body experience. here was she running financial controls by the bucket load while Hannah was foiling every one of BM's efforts by altering the cash when it wasn't balanced from the night before. BM (in her mind) stood up and put both hands round Hannah's neck and squeezed hard.
In reality I looked up and stared out of the window at 'The Royal'. 'Gavlar, what time does that pub open today?' Gav is a nice young lad who BM employed last year and is grooming for better things, a 19yr old rugby player. '11am', 'oh' says BM, who, if can't have a drink will eat instead. 'will you go down to Geggs and get me a sausage roll? And get yourself some sweets while you're there'
At this point I had figured what the problem was.
'Hannah, I think you have posted this payment file twice'
No
No?
No
I think you have, it's the only explanation!
I haven't
Oh
At this point BM emails her manager who sits approximately 3 feet away. 'Is there any way the system could have duplicated the payments posted?'
Now BM's manager is a very intelligent man, a bit of a looker, tall, blonde and very well paid. his response came along these lines 'why can't she admit she has f--ked up? For Christ's sake don't upset her, she will end up in the toilets throwing last night's supper of 4 grapes up'
So the system was ok, no hick ups there!
BM decides she must go through all the duplicate payments and reverse them all, approx 750 in total. Oh joy!
At 4pm the process was complete, financial controls run again, oh no! BM is £40.00 out! It did cross my mind briefly to practise the creative accounting I have perfected with HSBC but thought better of it. BM is audited by Internal Audit, External Audit and the Audit Commission, this is public money we are dealing with here.
I like to avoid Tracey from the Audit Commission. She weighs about 26 stone and likes to engage BM in talks about children, not one of BM's favourite topics!
We have the type of email system that briefly shows an incoming email in the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen. The last time Tracey was sat with BM, I had an incoming email from the manager. 'Does she have to fart to give her husband a clue?' BM aged 10 years. Luckily Tracey was bleating on about her son and was oblivious to BM leaning forward to cover the screen.
Anyways back to BM's dilema, I started once again at the very beginning and eventually found the mistake. During the second inspection of the accounts, Hannah approached BM 'Can I go at 4, I haven't got anything to do?'
BM looks up and through a red mist says 'yes Hannah, no problem, have a nice weekend' In BM's mind she jumps up and chins Hannah.
BM balanced the books at 4.30pm.
'What's that bloody song you keep singing?' asks BM's manager. 'It wasn't me' says BM

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)

She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the scream get louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor

I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her it wasn't me

Can some explain to me why women cannot admit their mistakes even when they jump up and bite them on the their backsides??? Is it in their make up?

BM, does your question relate to the woman in the song? Or Hannah?
BTW,I have always wanted to know the answer to that one.....
Should be interesting...

Honey came in and he caught me red-handed
Creeping with the boy next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor
How could I forget that I had
Given him an extra key
All this time he was standing there
he never took his eyes off me

How you can grant the man access to your villa
Trespasser and a witness while you cling to your pillow
You better watch your back before he turn into a killer
Best for you and the situation not to call the beaner
To be a true player you have to know how to play
If he say a night, convince he say a day
Never admit to a word when he say makes a claim
And you tell him baby no way

Is that what you wanted Zonker? LOL!

BM, I think so!
I'll try and wrap my mind around that one.......
I could never understand a woman....so ....

Simple they are all mentalists,but luckily also very gulible

zonker wrote:BM, I think so!
I'll try and wrap my mind around that one.......
I could never understand a woman....so ....

Just words from 'It wasn't me' Zonker!


I often have random songs going round in my head, For some reason, today, it is Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre, I don't even like him particularly.

Your personality alone light up de room
Just one kiss alone a make me heart go boom
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Mysterious girl
I wanna get close to you

LOL, women aren't so hard to understand! They just can't admit their mistakes. A friend once told me 'Don't admit anything unless he has photographic proof' A very good piece of advice from another woman.

-- Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:17 pm --

busa wrote:Simple they are all mentalists,but luckily also very gulible

Yes Busa, I agree, most are mentalists. I'm not so sure about gulible tho'. On the whole I think men are more gulible than women.

BM, just out of curiosity, there is no consequences for making such mistakes in your office?!

BM if you can perhaps you could suggest your purchasing department to come up with a budget for the installation of "Enterprise Accounting Systems" , If you already have it , your IT dept are not doing doing there job properly , Such errors can be easily avoided

melika969 wrote:BM, just out of curiosity, there is no consequences for making such mistakes in your office?!

Hi Mel, no there doesn't seem to be any consequences for making mistakes where I work. At the end of the day anyone can make a mistake, I've made a few I can tell you! But what gets me is when someone cannot told their hand up and say 'yes, I'm sorry, that was me, I made a mistake'.
If anyone has real issues where work is concerned then they are offered retraining. The only time i have seen anyone get the push has been for spending too much time on the internet, that is a big no no where I work.
I had issues with one of my team, she was absolutely rubbish, I took her through a period of retraining, as we have to do before they are put on report, and in the end she took the hint and left. She was heading down the route of being offered an alternative position, I recommended 'toilet cleaner' in her appraisal.

LOL @ 'toilet cleaner'

zubber wrote:BM if you can perhaps you could suggest your purchasing department to come up with a budget for the installation of "Enterprise Accounting Systems" , If you already have it , your IT dept are not doing doing there job properly , Such errors can be easily avoided

Zubber, we have checks and more checks in place for our accounting procedures.
As is the manner of the way the Government operates in admin situations, our IT department do not support either IT system I was working with. Our main one is supported by an outside company and I am the administrator of the Cash Receipting system we operate, backed by a company based in Manchester. There is nothing simple where I work.
Hannah would have got a warning message that she was about to import a file already processed but such is the person that she is, she would have head rushed past it at warp factor 5 and went on to deny any knowledge. If she had said what she had done it would have saved me hours of work and thoughts of doing her a serious injury (just thoughts mind you! I will have forgotten it all by Monday!)

hmm... sounds odd to me BM, With all those tax pounds i would have imagined a more state of the art , streamlined system, usually such systems have a log sessions where all activities are recorded with a date and time stamp , your PC also also has it , anyway... , Perhaps this hannah lady does seem to be a ditz

zubber wrote:hmm... sounds odd to me BM, With all those tax pounds i would have imagined a more state of the art , streamlined system, usually such systems have a log sessions where all activities are recorded with a date and time stamp , your PC also also has it , anyway... , Perhaps this hannah lady does seem to be a ditz

Zubber, the Government is broke, we don't have state of the art anything. We are too busy paying benefits to the great unwashed.

Bethsmum wrote:Zubber, the Government is broke, we don't have state of the art anything. We are too busy paying benefits to the great unwashed.

The Great unwashed what ? and what is this thing that needs washing that is taking all the tax pounds ?

zubber wrote:

Bethsmum wrote:Zubber, the Government is broke, we don't have state of the art anything. We are too busy paying benefits to the great unwashed.

The Great unwashed what ? and what is this thing that needs washing that is taking all the tax pounds ?

The great unwashed refers to people who are not usually very clean, in England that would mean the "commoners" as opposed to the aristocracy!
In 1868, Thomas Wright wrote a book called "The Great Unwashed," about
the working class in Victorian England. But before him, a famous Brit writer, a contemporary of Charles Dickens, but not as well-known or popular, called William Makepeace Thackeray, made reference to the Great Unwashed in his book.
We are all Google Scholars, and we can thank BM for it!