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How long should be the dating period before marriage?

I know this guy and girl, they dated for 2 weeks and they found out they are in love and got married! I was schoked! It was not an arranged marriage or anything like that, they just felt they are in "love"!

What do you think?

I think ,that time will only tell, obviously both of them were desperate and have been lonely for a long period of time.

zubber wrote:I think ,that time will only tell, obviously both of them were desperate and have been lonely for a long period of time.

Excuse me Dr. Phil. How did you come to the "obvious" conclusion?? Do you know the couple???

Bora Bora wrote:Excuse me Dr. Phil. How did you come to the "obvious" conclusion?? Do you know the couple???

haha E-Z their Blueeyes , An opinion was asked , and so i merely complied ,

Two weeks from unknown to spending their lives together, and that too not within the "context of arranged marriage, or anything like that", clearly something is not right here

zubber wrote:

Bora Bora wrote:Excuse me Dr. Phil. How did you come to the "obvious" conclusion?? Do you know the couple???

haha E-Z their Blueeyes , An opinion was asked , and so i merely complied ,

Two weeks from unknown to spending their lives together, and that too not within the "context of arranged marriage, or anything like that", clearly something is not right here

An opinion with logic would have been nice. Not every couple who meet and feel that in a short period of time they met the right person, are desperate and/or lonely, or on the rebound. I knew my husband for a matter of months before we got married and there has never been regret by either one of us. Everyone who knows us, knows that we are a very happy couple.

There are people who are "together" for years, get married, and divorce in a shorter period of time than when they were together. So, here are two people that should be "happy" and not "lonely" because they "knew" each other, but end up in divorce. There are people who are "together" and live together for years, get married only to end in divorce.

There is no "rule" book for a successful marriage/relationship. Yet, if you go to a bookstore there are hundreds of them and both men and women buy them, making someone a nice penny. I think the very last page of those books should have a declaration: "Forget everything you just read". LOL

As you have already mentioned bora, you yourself have taken a few months before committing to an LTR, this is what normally happens and is statistically sound.

But obviously someone in the relationship is emotionally weak, to make such a quick decision, the OP already mentioned that they "were in love", how sure is the couple that their "love" is not just a "fascination with each other's bodies" and nothing more ?

When the passion subsides, then the truth will reveal itself.

Oh and I disagree with your opinion that their are no "rules". Their ARE rules and if they are followed then mistakes will not occur, an example would be John Gray and his excellent book "Men are from Mars and Women are from venus" , a high acclaimed book rooted in psychology.

I had seen my husband eight times in total before we married. we were married for 20 years but i hated his guts at the end and probably for most of the time if I'm honest. I was only 3 weeks past my 18th birthday and he swept me off my feet. He was mega fit. The thing is that what you are looking for at 18 isn't necessarily what you want at 35. Having said that we had a great time and I have never ever regreted marrying him. It was a learning curve. Never look back in anger.

zubber wrote:As you have already mentioned bora, you yourself have taken a few months before committing to an LTR, this is what normally happens and is statistically sound.

But obviously someone in the relationship is emotionally weak, to make such a quick decision, the OP already mentioned that they "were in love", how sure is the couple that their "love" is not just a "fascination with each other's bodies" and nothing more ?

When the passion subsides, then the truth will reveal itself.

Oh and I disagree with your opinion that their are no "rules". Their ARE rules and if they are followed then mistakes will not occur, an example would be John Gray and his excellent book "Men are from Mars and Women are from venus" , a high acclaimed book rooted in psychology.

If there were "rules" and a book that can guarantee a marriage will work, then the divorce rate wouldn't be where it is. Those books out there may give "rules/guidelines" and a level of understanding, but every marriage is unique in and of itself, as is each person, and those "rules/guidelines" and the limited understanding provided in a book may not apply to every situation. It's like say there is one rule and one reason for EVERY situation.

I gather you have not been married.

You have my respect Bora

I agree with you 100% , but the reason for existence of marriage counselors and vast literature on this subject matter exists perhaps to cure the rising divorce rates, I mean from my own observation, some of my close friends commit these fundamental simple mistakes, which have be addressed in the "body of knowledge" and after they became aware and started applying the principles, there has been a marked improvement in their overall relationship.

I firmly believe everything in live can be boiled down to principles and laws, adherence to which has a positive impact and violation of which leads a to negative one.

And as BM has pointed out - The need evolves over time , this concept is addressed very concisely in the body of knowledge, and there are suggestions as to how to deal with this issue if and when it comes up

Disclaimer - These are my "opinions" and in no way should be misconstrued as facts

zubber wrote:You have my respect Bora

I agree with you 100% , but the reason for existence of marriage counselors and vast literature on this subject matter exists perhaps to cure the rising divorce rates, I mean from my own observation, some of my close friends commit these fundamental simple mistakes, which have be addressed in the "body of knowledge" and after they became aware and started applying the principles, there has been a marked improvement in their overall relationship.

I firmly believe everything in live can be boiled down to principles and laws, adherence to which has a positive impact and violation of which leads a to negative one.

And as BM has pointed out - The need evolves over time , this concept is addressed very concisely in the body of knowledge, and there are suggestions as to how to deal with this issue if and when it comes up

Maturity speaks volumes in a relationship.

^^ I humbly agree bora

But on a more serious note Bora - do you honestly feel that all the information from these books is utterly useless ?

Well in this case they are not that young like 18. Both are in their late 20's. Both well educated and smart (I m not sure if they are smart in relationships tough!!).

So I agree with Zubber, it doesnt sound right to me, that s why I asked for others' opinions.

zubber wrote:^^ I humbly agree bora

But on a more serious note Bora - do you honestly feel that all the information from these books is utterly useless ?

I don't think it is useless, but they should not be viewed as "marriage/relationship bibles". If you take 10 books and refer to one instance, you would probably get 10 answers, and possibly none of them fit the situation, but an 11th answer can be drawn from the other 10. It all comes down to communication, talking, but more importantly, listening, keeping in mind: it's not what you say, but how you say it; and timing is important. Also remembering: it's not always about ME!!! and keep the focus on the fact there's another person in the room.

melika969 wrote:Well in this case they are not that young like 18. Both are in their late 20's. Both well educated and smart (I m not sure if they are smart in relationships tough!!).

So I agree with Zubber, it doesnt sound right to me, that s why I asked for others' opinions.

Best you can do is wish them well. Stranger things have happened.

Bora Bora wrote:I don't think it is useless, but they should not be viewed as "marriage/relationship bibles". If you take 10 books and refer to one instance, you would probably get 10 answers, and possibly none of them fit the situation, but an 11th answer can be drawn from the other 10. It all comes down to communication, talking, but more importantly, listening, keeping in mind: it's not what you say, but how you say it; and timing is important. Also remembering: it's not always about ME!!! and keep the focus on the fact there's another person in the room.

Yes I concur with you on this matter, See these things which you have mentioned, some guyz dont have a clue, and actually think that a ferrari is all you need to have a good relationship, nor do they realize the huge benefit from finding out the feminine perspective on things

-- Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:08 pm --

melika969 wrote:Well in this case they are not that young like 18. Both are in their late 20's. Both well educated and smart (I m not sure if they are smart in relationships tough!!).

So I agree with Zubber, it doesnt sound right to me, that s why I asked for others' opinions.

Well mel, if these are your best friends , perhaps you can prevent things from escalating to dangerous levels

-- Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:19 pm --

On a lighter note -

- From 1:04 , talks about relationships (COMICAL)

Its a little like waking up in a Vegas hotel room dressed like Elvis after a 3 day bender and finding a wedding dress draped over the end of the bed and a marriage license on the side table with your name and someone called Olga Veruka on it...

Or has this only happened to me?



Knight

Or the plot for The Hangover 2

(That was a hilarious movie - laughed my butt off when viewing the pics at the end.)

DK

Don't worry K, they were all a little more civilised than that.

However I did the whole Hunter S. Thompson Fear and Loathing thing in my youth!



Knight

Only the people in the relationship know if it's right for them. Some people just know when they've found their sould mate and the person they're meant to be with.

melika969 wrote:How long should be the dating period before marriage?

I know this guy and girl, they dated for 2 weeks and they found out they are in love and got married! I was schoked! It was not an arranged marriage or anything like that, they just felt they are in "love"!

What do you think?

Time is not a problem, important is two people together, mutual trust and mutual tolerance

Personally I'm against marriage as an institution, and I think that humans aren't designed to be monogamous but...


I think the answer really depends on the two people in the relationship, your two friends acted on a rash and spontaneous decision and might come to regret it later on...however, this may not usually be the case. Like I said though, it's all subjected to said couple.

No time constraint as long as they both mutually enjoy dating...let them date...marriage is the beginning not the end of love and romance .

i think this is not love marriage we can ask arrange marriage

ha ha ha