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Hey people, this is an interesting article about relationship phases. Please share do u agree that these stages exist and do u have a memory of any stage to share?

http://www.relationship-help.com/articl ... 64&cat=All

I always seem to remember the 'her being carried off in the back of an ambulance barking at the moon and trying to bite the psychiatric nurses' phase...



Knight

you need to write your own article Knight!

There is not enough space on the internet for me to describe the relationship wreckage I trail behind me, like a sailing ship that has been caught in a storm and is slowly dragged under by the weight of its masts and sails strewn in the water.

I am 'complicated'.

Apparently.



Knight

[quote="Dubai Knight"]
I am 'complicated'.

Apparently.



Knight[/quote

I can believe it.....if you drive them to insanity!!!!

Just kidding!!

Well admittedly there have only been a couple of total nutters!

Problems seem to come when they start thinking that, because I am with them, that they 'own' me. That they are able to dictate actions and requirements. Er...no. I do what I want, when I want.

If that involves getting on a motorbike and disappearing for 3 months on an adventure to Beijing, then this seems fair to me. I don't need them to be there or even to care how I am. I am fine. It seems to be a problem for them, even if they know I am going to do it. Unlike some, I don't just dream of things...I do them!



Knight

The OP article is rubbish, the Author of it assumes and generalises about life’s experiences and applies them to everyone, regardless of gender, indiscriminately.

The stages of a relationship he speaks of exist, but there are many more to consider, individuals experience them at different times and in a different order on their personal relationship timelines!

The author talks of partners being of a ‘sameness’ then on to talk of a ‘Power Struggle’ but fails to identify the basic differences and requirements of Men and Women.

I was advised many Years ago to read a book about relationships and it was the best peer advice I was ever given and still today, I refer to that publication by John Gray, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, read and understand the content of that book and you will start to understand how your partner perceives you and just exactly how much you really don’t know about the opposite gender.!

The following incident made me understand women a bit more:

*FD promised to make diner for the wife
*7 pm wife comes home, but FD forgot to make dinner
*Wife is angry
*FD realizes their is a problem and goes straight to the solution solving
*FD runs outside and gets some take-away that he knows the wife likes
*When coming home again, FD thinks wife will be happy again, as the original problem seems to be solved
*But the wife is now even more angry. Apparantly she didn't mind so much that dinner wasn't ready, but more that FD didn' think about it. She just wanted attention and to feel somebody cares about her and understands her. Instead FD ran away to get some food.

Flying Dutchman wrote:The following incident made me understand women a bit more:

*FD promised to make diner for the wife
*7 pm wife comes home, but FD forgot to make dinner
*Wife is angry
*FD realizes their is a problem and goes straight to the solution solving
*FD runs outside and gets some take-away that he knows the wife likes
*When coming home again, FD thinks wife will be happy again, as the original problem seems to be solved
*But the wife is now even more angry. Apparantly she didn't mind so much that dinner wasn't ready, but more that FD didn' think about it. She just wanted attention and to feel somebody cares about her and understands her. Instead FD ran away to get some food.

good example!

Dubai Knight wrote:Well admittedly there have only been a couple of total nutters!

Problems seem to come when they start thinking that, because I am with them, that they 'own' me. That they are able to dictate actions and requirements. Er...no. I do what I want, when I want.

If that involves getting on a motorbike and disappearing for 3 months on an adventure to Beijing, then this seems fair to me. I don't need them to be there or even to care how I am. I am fine. It seems to be a problem for them, even if they know I am going to do it. Unlike some, I don't just dream of things...I do them!



Knight

Women are possessive by nature!

Don't judge them too harshly, sweetheart!!

Give'em slack. Will ya!!!

I actually love them when they're possessive -- but not to the point of being too controlling!!

LOL.. with all due respect Knight.. you're a man: how complicated can you be?? food, s.e.x., work, sleep, sports, drink, that's about it...

as if guys can survive without women.....
noway ....

cami wrote:LOL.. with all due respect Knight.. you're a man: how complicated can you be?? food, s.e.x., work, sleep, sports, drink, that's about it...

Not quite the mix I like!

I am the one who cooks. Always.
I hardly sleep.
My sports are 'alternative'.
My drinking is highly refined and comes with the proviso of 'Premier Grand Cru'.
Work can often be done from home and is highly 'creative'.

So that only leaves one category left to define...see point 2!

So what is the difference between these classifications and those for a girl? Apart from shopping, these all apply to the female gender too...



Knight

Dubai Knight wrote:

cami wrote:LOL.. with all due respect Knight.. you're a man: how complicated can you be?? food, s.e.x., work, sleep, sports, drink, that's about it...

Not quite the mix I like!

I am the one who cooks. Always.
I hardly sleep.
My sports are 'alternative'.
My drinking is highly refined and comes with the proviso of 'Premier Grand Cru'.
Work can often be done from home and is highly 'creative'.

So that only leaves one category left to define...see point 2!

So what is the difference between these classifications and those for a girl? Apart from shopping, these all apply to the female gender too...



Knight

4 out of 5... and they still don't like you??

Well... they must've been "loonies" before you even met them. You need to do a better job pre-screening them Buddy!!!!!

Tom Jones wrote:

Dubai Knight wrote:

cami wrote:LOL.. with all due respect Knight.. you're a man: how complicated can you be?? food, s.e.x., work, sleep, sports, drink, that's about it...

Not quite the mix I like!

I am the one who cooks. Always.
I hardly sleep.
My sports are 'alternative'.
My drinking is highly refined and comes with the proviso of 'Premier Grand Cru'.
Work can often be done from home and is highly 'creative'.

So that only leaves one category left to define...see point 2!

So what is the difference between these classifications and those for a girl? Apart from shopping, these all apply to the female gender too...



Knight

4 out of 5... and they still don't like you??

Well... they must've been "loonies" before you even met them. You need to do a better job pre-screening them Buddy!!!!!

Nah, they aren't loonies. Just silly emotional women who doesn't see that there is no relationship with a self-absorbed, emotionally detached man whose idea of a relationship is based on one thing: lust.

Nothing wrong with being 'in lust' with a girl is there?

As for being self absorbed, well not really. It's all a question of perspective. If a girl is attracted to a guy because of what he does, the way he acts and the lifestyle he chooses for himself...why then attempt to change him and mould him to the way she thinks he should be? It changes the very thing she initially sees as attractive in him.

After long and hard experience, I will never EVER change what I do or how I do it. Its what makes me 'me' and if you try to alter it, then the door is the hole in the wall over there. Try not to let it it hit you on the 4rse on the way out.



Knight

Dubai Knight - reading your posts it seem to me you're not interested in relationships but more interested in satisfying your “lust” which is fine.

But then what confuse me about you is why do you go into relationships if you don't want them?! You know you don’t need to be in a relationship to satisfy your lust don’t you? And I’m not talking about going and getting hookers or cheap women, I’m talking about normal women here

Dubai Knight wrote:As for being self absorbed, well not really. It's all a question of perspective. If a girl is attracted to a guy because of what he does, the way he acts and the lifestyle he chooses for himself...why then attempt to change him and mould him to the way she thinks he should be? It changes the very thing she initially sees as attractive in him.

Agree 100%, but unfortunately thats whats happening a lot. There is huge difference though between wanting to change somebody and asking somebody to be considered.

Flying Dutchman wrote:

Dubai Knight wrote:As for being self absorbed, well not really. It's all a question of perspective. If a girl is attracted to a guy because of what he does, the way he acts and the lifestyle he chooses for himself...why then attempt to change him and mould him to the way she thinks he should be? It changes the very thing she initially sees as attractive in him.

Agree 100%, but unfortunately thats whats happening a lot. There is huge difference though between wanting to change somebody and asking somebody to be considered.

It's a two-way street. Men are just as guilty in getting women to change certain things to suit them.

What changes are you talking about? I wouldn't change a thing about my husband, but I have been working for years on him making changes in his habits, such as: not having to pee in every bathroom (we have gone from 1 toilet in an apartment to 4 toilets!!!) and wipe up the "dribble"; when putting something in the sink, soak it; stop using chairs for a place to put clothing, but, alas I have failed. As he has failed in getting me to change certain habits I have. such as me asking all of the above.

We are very opposite in many ways - for one thing he is very social, I'm not. He enjoys being in social situations and being around people much more than I do. I have never tried to change that about him because he enjoys it. But we are also very alike in many ways, those ways that are important to us - for one thing: we share the same values.

We all make changes, mostly habits, to try to please the other person. But when someone tries to change someone's identity, their very fabric as to what makes them the person they are, well that's just wrong.

Many Muslim men are guilty of having a hidden agenda when it comes to marrying non-Muslim women. After the marriage, talk of converting to Islam takes place, then covering, then all the other "traditional" ways come into play until the woman doesn't recognize herself. These women do it "out of love" only to find that it wasn't love that caused it, but one's need to control. I knew of a Muslim woman in the states who didn't cover, wore low cut blouses, short skirts, sleeveless tops and when she married, she was told what she needed to do to show her respect for her husband. He wanted her all covered up, expected her to pray 5 times a day, blah, blah, blah - because how would HE look in front of his friends -- her not doing so would send a message of disrespect to him (especially in front of his friends) if she didn't do as he wanted and said (not asked). She was also expected to turn over her salary to him as he would manage the finances. Marriage didn't last a month. And that was wife #3. Wife number 2 was a Muslim, but he locked her in the house when he would go out. She was not a happy camper and he sent her back home because she wouldn't "obey" him.

If you stop and think about it, I'm sure your wife made changes to make you happy, even if in small ways.

Bora Bora wrote:What changes are you talking about?

Basicly what makes a person a person, basic characteristics. I have a weakness for free spirits, but also notice that after I while some of the free spiritness starts to irritate me. I shouldn't want to change that though, because the reason for liking a person is the free spiritness in the first place. I also like my freedom. I like to have my spontaneous evening outs or weekends away with the buddies, and nobody should want to change that. I do realize, however, that I should be considered and inform the ones waiting at at home that all is fine and should let them know where I am.

Bora Bora wrote:If you stop and think about it, I'm sure your wife made changes to make you happy, even if in small ways.

Correct, she made most of the adjustments, not me. Bless her.

No one's spirit should be suppressed. To do that either the person won't survive or the relationship will die. I would have to say that your wife doesn't look to tackle or contain that spirit for a very good reason - she trusts you. I truly believe that if you can't trust the person you are with, then you shouldn't be with them. Too much effort goes into jealousy, and jealousy is really, really ugly - right up there with pity.

My husband thinks he is difficult. I let him think he is if it helps.

P.S. Women are very flexible, as long as it doesn't compromise who they are.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

We men are BAAAAD, VERY BAAAD!!!!!

What is the difference between a Man and a Woman?

The answer is: You take a happy 'Man' and add 'Woe"!

I am not against relationships per se, and have had many long and fulfilling ones, but more against the ideal that two independent people who, when they become a 'couple' should then fall into a situation where one or the other compromises the things they did as a single person for the other party.

I admire a girl who says to me 'sorry I can't see you tonight because I am doing something I feel so strongly about I will not compromise.' That is independence.



Knight

Dillon wrote:I was advised many Years ago to read a book about relationships and it was the best peer advice I was ever given and still today, I refer to that publication by John Gray, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, read and understand the content of that book and you will start to understand how your partner perceives you and just exactly how much you really don’t know about the opposite gender.!

I thought it was a great book when I read it .... but now I think it's rubbish. The only thing I remember from it is advice to men to take the rubbish out to please his partner. Trite.

Hmmm, maybe I'm being too harsh. There is a lot of good stuff in his book. But ...

Men are from earth, women are from earth. The more I talk to people of different genders and sexual orientation, the more it seems there are way more similarities than differences when it comes to relationships.

Sure, don't ignore the differences but by focusing on them, it's easy to neglect what's important in a relationship. ... Not that I know what that is ...

Stages in Love Relationships
Gary Brainerd

Brainerd ? Is that a real name? Better than bonk I suppose ...