Will take me another 20 years to catch up with Sage (in both age and post counts!) but interesting to note I am still behind Liban who was a prolific poster...until his wife found out!
So I thought I would save this one for something profound and deep and meaningful (no, that's 'profound', not 'profane' Arnie!)
The only thing I can think of, as I sit with a fine glass of Chateau Nuit St Wogga Wogga, is to wish all DF members:
Eid Mubarak,
Happy Hunnukah,
Merry Christmas,
Happy Independence Day (where applicable to all nations that were once owned by someone else but are now owned by themselves but have sold their souls to the someone else who used to own them),
Happy National Day (where applicable to all nations that didn't exist until someone took a pencil and a map and created you),
Happy Take Your Dog To Work Day (for those who enjoy being covered in drool and walking home with a Rottweiler carrying a kids arm),
Happy Stick Hamsters Up your Bum Day (to all our gay readers),
Happy First Day Back in Prison or Shooting Everyone in the Playground Day (to all our student members...and legal eagles!),
Happy 'Wear a Tea Cosy On Your Head Day and Get Mucked Up on Ganja' Day (to all our erzatz Rastafarian gangsta readers),
Happy Knock a Mountie off His Horse and End Our Sentences With 'Eh?' Day (for all our Cannuck readers), Happy Eat a 100 Year Old Rotten Duck Egg and Say SirMaaam Day (for all our Phillippino readers),
Happy 'I Live In a Totalitarian State But Claim to be Free and am Waiting to be Bombed by Both the US and Israel' Day (to all our Iranian readers),
Happy 'Smiling At You Wobbling My Head But Fully Intending to Ignore You Then Rip You Off' Day (to our Indian readers)
Happy Doped to the Eyeballs Is That a Hooker on My Windmill?' Day to our Dutch contingent...and last, but not least;
Happy 'I Am a B'Stard Who is Going to Ruin Your Day Just Because I Can' Day to all:
parking wardens,
civil servants,
French air traffic controllers,
health and safety executives,
tax collectors,
accountants,
lawyers,
forum mods,
Icelandic volcanoes,
immigration department officials,
telecoms operators,
cheap Chinese coffee machines,
those wooden chopsticks that never break evenly when you part them in a Japanese restaurant,
small bits of gravel that get in the gusset of your flip flops and rub like billy-oh,
wine corks that break half way down when you try to pull them out,
oven gloves that don't keep out the heat,
irons that squirt water when you don't want them to and leave shiny seams on your favourite black trousers, Americans that say goodbye with 'Have Nice Day!' when they really mean 'Screw You Dirtbag!',
radio stations that broadcast Happy Happy Joy Joy music and advertising that makes you want to throw up in your Cornflakes and Chardonnay,
satellite TV that advertises the same crap shows on their other stations repeatedly on every channel every 5 minutes rather than playing the slightly interesting programme you have paid a small mortgage for every month,
clients who tell you the cheque is ready for collection when they know full well that they have no intention of paying you for another 90 days because the Indian accountant decides he will lose his job if he were ever to pay a supplier even though he is in the procurement department whose job it is to 'procure' the service of outside suppliers,
people who drive 2 inches from your back bumper at 120kmph on Sheikh Zayed Road flashing their lights for you to get out of the way even though there is a queue of traffic as far as the eye can see ahead all moving at the same speed and the next lane is as full as this one,
Lady Gaga...just because Grace Jones did it first and better than you,
manufacturers of cheap cigarettes whose lit ends fall out and land in your lap when you are driving causing consternation to all as you weave across 3 lanes trying desperately to fan out the flames in your groin,
airline check-in staff who seat you next to gargantua the snoring body odour king just because you travel solo and ask for an aisle seat,
kamikaze pigeons,
real estate salesmen,
and Jehova's Witnesses!
'Have a Nice Day'...dirtbags!
Hahahahahahaha!
A 5000 post old Knight!
