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On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-- Sun May 23, 2010 8:14 pm --

Chuck Norris wipes his @ss with chain mail and Sandpaper

-- Sun May 23, 2010 8:16 pm --

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.


Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer !

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take sh!t from anybody.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship !

Flying Dutchman wrote:Perhaps Shafique is a bit shy about this, but apparently he implemented a new forum rule: no more off topic posts. Or he WILL delete (obviously, this only apllies to the subforums where he is modding)!

Are you aware of shafique deleting his *own* off-topic posts?

Or is this a case of where it ultimately comes down to shafique deciding that his off-topic posts aren't really off-topic?

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.


Chuck Norris never has a 'sense of Humour failure' -Chuck Norris never fails.


Chuck Norris is ALWAYS On Topic and round house kicks anyone who says otherwise!






Chuck Norris CAN handle the truth

Are you aware of shafique deleting his *own* off-topic posts?

no I m doing it for him!

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.


Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.


Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Where Chuck Norris can leap over a tall building in a single bound, Superman just makes a dent quite high up!



Knight

Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

^PML!!


Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to break up after watching a Delta Force marathon on satellite TV.

my hovercraft is full of eels

arniegang wrote:my hovercraft is full of eels

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

shafique wrote:^PML!!

me too

^^^Berrin once claimed that Chuck Norris kicked his a$$ twice, but it was prompty dismissed as false. No one could survive it the first time.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Not so long before we are all watching the World Cup

Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ and ... any off-topic posters who are celebrating the sudden disappearance of a load of Americans!

Americans will be the first to go in the World Cup

...unless they draft in Chuck Norris!

Haha yeah right with 'certain' people round here that's like asking Homer Simpson not to eat the muffin or drink the beer in front of him.

Impossible!

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't farking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

-- Tue May 25, 2010 12:56 pm --

P.S : Chuck has already won the world cup. Everyone else is playing for second place !

DD - you're killing us!



Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Yeah, but Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

USA will obviously need him in the opening game.

My forcast - Englad 2 - USA 0

sage & onion wrote:USA will obviously need him in the opening game.

My forcast - Englad 2 - USA 0

Nah 1 all with a penalty shoot out.

Chuck recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. It is known as Red Bull.