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This is a true story and is a slight caution to everyone out there that people can be more than they seem.

I had a female friend who I met through a mate who hung out with us from time to time. She was fun and bubbly and very attractive and, when I first met her, engaged to be married. Over the next few years I bumped into her from time to time. The wedding had been idyllic in the Carribbean and she seemed very happy except that he was based in the Netherlands and they met as and when they could. They were working on either him being posted here or her getting a job over there. Long distance relationships can work it seems.

Anyway, I did not see her for a long time and when I did, she was painfully thin and apparently the marriage had broken down and she had had a mental breakdown involving an attempted suicide. It was obvious she was desperately in love with this guy but the whole distance thing seems to have destroyed the relationship.
This is how it seemed...

Anyway, a couple of years later, she and I hooked up and it was only then that I discovered that she was an obsessive compulsive with a bi-polar personality and it was SHE who had caused the breakdown of the marriage by effectively driving the guy to distraction. She tended to fixate on people and things and I found myself the victim of a bombardment campaign. It was as if a large pillow had been dropped on me and she was smothering the life out of us. When it came time to break the bonds, she completely flipped, ended up in the emergency ward after taking a huge dose of drugs and drink and becoming a violent psychopath. They had to restrain her to a bed for 4 days before her employer could sort everything out as the police were waiting for her to be released so they could arrest her. When they searched her apartment, she had a huge stash of prescription drugs (supplied by a doctor in Europe for her mental condition) and it turns out she had been stockpiling them for a long time.

Her employer managed to keep the police at bay and immediately repatriated her under medical supervision and she has since spent a period of time in a rehabilitation clinic and is only now starting to pick up the pieces of her life.

So be aware that the normal, nice person who you know could have a darker side and it is worth spending the time to really get to know someone before you dive into any relationship.



Knight

Dubai Knight wrote:This is a true story and is a slight caution to everyone out there that people can be more than they seem.

I had a female friend who I met through a mate who hung out with us from time to time. She was fun and bubbly and very attractive and, when I first met her, engaged to be married. Over the next few years I bumped into her from time to time. The wedding had been idyllic in the Carribbean and she seemed very happy except that he was based in the Netherlands and they met as and when they could. They were working on either him being posted here or her getting a job over there. Long distance relationships can work it seems.

Anyway, I did not see her for a long time and when I did, she was painfully thin and apparently the marriage had broken down and she had had a mental breakdown involving an attempted suicide. It was obvious she was desperately in love with this guy but the whole distance thing seems to have destroyed the relationship.
This is how it seemed...

Anyway, a couple of years later, she and I hooked up and it was only then that I discovered that she was an obsessive compulsive with a bi-polar personality and it was SHE who had caused the breakdown of the marriage by effectively driving the guy to distraction. She tended to fixate on people and things and I found myself the victim of a bombardment campaign. It was as if a large pillow had been dropped on me and she was smothering the life out of us. When it came time to break the bonds, she completely flipped, ended up in the emergency ward after taking a huge dose of drugs and drink and becoming a violent psychopath. They had to restrain her to a bed for 4 days before her employer could sort everything out as the police were waiting for her to be released so they could arrest her. When they searched her apartment, she had a huge stash of prescription drugs (supplied by a doctor in Europe for her mental condition) and it turns out she had been stockpiling them for a long time.

Her employer managed to keep the police at bay and immediately repatriated her under medical supervision and she has since spent a period of time in a rehabilitation clinic and is only now starting to pick up the pieces of her life.

So be aware that the normal, nice person who you know could have a darker side and it is worth spending the time to really get to know someone before you dive into any relationship.



Knight

People who are diagnosed and suffer from bi-polar really need to be on their medication as prescribed. If she was "stock piling" then she wasn't medicating herself. Sometimes the need to medicate becomes overwhelming and people attempt to try and function without it. It also seems that when they are feeling good, they think they can do without the medication, but the feel good feeling is temporary and when the dark side starts to surface, by that time they were off their meds for a while (it doesn't take long). People who suffer bi-polar cannot attempt that. The mood swings go from one extreme to another. Even when they properly follow their medication there are still personality traits that surface that could make one think that the person is a "bit strange". There are degrees of bipolar from mild to extreme.

I knew someone who was bi-polar, to the extreme, but very consciencious about her medication, food which could trigger a mood, and her health. Not knowing she was bipolar, when we would sit and talk she had trouble following the "story line" and needed every single detail to understand what was being said.

Early in the "friendship" she told me she was bipolar, on the extreme side. Most conversations revolved around her - her lousy marriage, her kids (who I couldn't stand!!), financial matters. Totally disinterested in what was going on with me. She drove me up the wall!!!! I tried to "deal" with it but when I realized after getting off the phone with her (which could be 2 hours of her talking) or having left after spending some time with her I felt exhausted (and depressed) so I had to distance myself from her.

I've become very leary of people who have mood swings on a regular basis.

Oh boy does this sound familiar! Bi-polar people are obviously into themselves as the girl in question only ever talked about herself. I just misunderstood it as being a 'drama queen' (which went down like a lead balloon when I told her!) Extreme hypochondria was another symptom and every headache became a potential brain tumour, every case of dispepsia an imminent heart attack!

She was reducing her medication on the orders of her medics here and it obviously didn't work, but having over 1000 prozac tablets in her apartment was just a tad excessive!

She is on the road to recovery now, but I am the spawn of the devil as far as she is concerned. Ah well, maybe time will heal her wounds?



Knight

Hang on a second. I think this is very one-sided. First of all the most important thing for people with any kind of mental illness is to have a strong support system around them, people who understand, that can be turned to when things don't go quite right. Most of these issues arise because the other person in the relationship/friendships don't understand or know how to handle the person in the first place.

Secondly, I don't believe that people need to be on their meds all the time and it is possible to function without them. Other was can be found to control the mood swings.

The thing you have to remember is that anything like bi-polar can be completely destructive to a persons life.

Its one sided because I was only one side of he equation. If I had known she was bi-polar or OCD before we got together, then maybe I could have looked into it, found out some of the background and been able to help. As it was, she said nothing and as far as I was concerned was just a normal person. It took a lot of pain and anguish, violent moods and finally her hospitalisation and deportation for me to find out.

Had I known the full story, we might still have been together.



Knight

LOL define 'normal'. But most people with mental illness do not tell others unless they can trust them 100%, because sadly many people have a misconception of the issues.

Chocoholic wrote:Hang on a second. I think this is very one-sided. First of all the most important thing for people with any kind of mental illness is to have a strong support system around them, people who understand, that can be turned to when things don't go quite right. Most of these issues arise because the other person in the relationship/friendships don't understand or know how to handle the person in the first place.

Secondly, I don't believe that people need to be on their meds all the time and it is possible to function without them. Other was can be found to control the mood swings.

The thing you have to remember is that anything like bi-polar can be completely destructive to a persons life.

I get the suport system and people understanding, but there are some illnesses Chocs that not only affect the person who is suffering, but can be debilitating to those around them. The only people who can "understand" bipolar are those who suffer from it and those in the medical field who have studied it and treat it. If you never had cancer, could you tell someone who does that you "understand" what they are going through, never having gone through it yourself?

As I also said, there are different levels of bipolar - from mild to severe. For severe cases there should be support groups for those who suffer bipolar as they can closely relate as well as understand each other.

As I pointed out, I found it exhausting and depressing when spending time with the person who suffered from bipolar and who took her medication regularly. As much as I felt for her, she was having a negative impact on me therefore I had to remove myself from being around her.

I have to point out a contradiction you made. First you say that meds are not necessary all the time. Then go on to say that people who suffer from bi-polar can be completely destructive. The destruction comes as a result of not being on the meds!!!

There are other illnesses where there is alternative treatment but medication is the only treatment for those who suffer bipolar and it is necessary for them to continuously be on their meds. Bipolar is not just about mood swings. The good swing moods are temporary and less frequent as opposed to the dark swing moods. The dark moods play on paranoia and severe depression along with "bad thoughts". The point of adhering to the consistent intake of meds as prescribed is to basically "level" the person out. Doing so will not bring them to "normal" behavior, but help them to be functional.

Sorry Bora but no, sometimes meds are not the way to go. It can take months maybe even years to find the right drugs in the right doses, there are other ways to control the symptoms. In many cases the drugs have a severe negative effect. Imagine walking around like and unfeeling zombie and all you want to do is sleep? What kind of life is that?

Yes it can be destructive, but there are many ways and means, meds are not the only route. Yes people with these illnesses can be exhausting and not everyone can handle it, which is why many find themselves alone - which is a crying shame.

I'm sorry but I have great insight into this and I get very annoyed at people's miscomprehention of the situation and what is best and what is not.

Chocoholic wrote:Sorry Bora but no, sometimes meds are not the way to go. It can take months maybe even years to find the right drugs in the right doses, there are other ways to control the symptoms. In many cases the drugs have a severe negative effect. Imagine walking around like and unfeeling zombie and all you want to do is sleep? What kind of life is that?

Yes it can be destructive, but there are many ways and means, meds are not the only route. Yes people with these illnesses can be exhausting and not everyone can handle it, which is why many find themselves alone - which is a crying shame.

I'm sorry but I have great insight into this and I get very annoyed at people's miscomprehention of the situation and what is best and what is not.

You contradict yourself again. First sentence: "sometimes meds are not the way to go." Then you say "It can take months many even years to find the right drugs in the right doses....."

I don't feel the need to apologize for having great insight to this illness Chocs. I am certainly not under any miscomprehension of the illness regarding treatment. I actually do know what I am talking about. And at the sake of repeating myself, bipolar has ranges - from mild to severe. Either way, medication is a necessity.

Treatment of bipolar is pharamcological intervention - medication is a must in the treatment of bipolar. Finding the right dosage and the right meds needs to be closely monitored by a doctor. If you are walking around like an unfeeling zombie then the doctor is remiss in monitoring the patient. Monitoring the affects of medication on a patient is a procedure doctors should take in general when giving medication to most patients, regardless of the illness. It doesn't take "years" to find the proper meds or dosage if closely monitored. Therapy is also used in the treatment. Changes in lifestyle is incorporated. There are instances that trigger episodes that need to be identified. Bipolar is a series of manic and depressive episodes. To remove medication from treatment even for a brief time can be devastating to one who suffers from it.

You need to stop thinking that you are generally better informed to the point of being an expert and possess more experience in matters than everyone else.

After having read this story I am feeling very sorry for her.
I believe she must be a loner all her life, because people who are obsessive about others are loners.

Bora, I am well aware of the ranges - from Cyclothemia, to Bipolar 1 & 2 - and the fact is there is a whole range of medications, some work for some people others don't, any psychiatrist will tell you that and sadly with many people it is still a case of trial and error, you start at one dosage and either increase or reduce, but they take at least 2 - 4 weeks to even start making a difference to a patient. What you say is true, but it does take time, it's not an overnight quick fix.

Of course there are triggers, most people whilst they're stable and happily living their life are fine, until there's an emotional upset, which is usually the cause of the problem, which is why the support of family/friends/therapist are of utmost importancy.

I'm not contradicting myself, sometimes they are useful in the short-term, but not a long-term solution. It's not a black and white situation, there are soooooo many grey areas.

But it's still a fact that meds are not always the answer - and I for one do not believe in them. Take me for example, they do absolutely nothing for me, and believe me I've been through virtually everything there is! Most mood stabilizers are actually medications for epileptics but the side effect is mood stabilization, hence why they tend to use them. It's mostly the antidepressants that are the problem. They are addictive and can make you feel horrific. It can be like living your life through a haze - who wants to live like that? No me thanks.

Medications certainly are not a necessity at all, they can be used as a short term thing for stability. There are great alternatives and I am a walking testament to that. And yes I can say I am well informed and know alot, because I have to live with it everyday of my life.

But it is wrong to say that pill popping is the only answer, because it certainly is not.

So there is no easy answer?

I agree with Bora that being around someone who is severely bi-polar is incredibly debilitating and my relationship (albeit short) created major problems in my private and work life. However it is often simply impossible for one individual to be able to dedicate the time and patience needed to guide a bi-polar person through the incredible cycle of mood shifts. The high's are thankfully excellent, but the lows are just self destructive and affect everyone around so severely that, it is sad to say, many will find themselves alone.

It also seems that a bi-polar person takes no heed of the people around them when a depressive swing hits and retracts into themselves in a well of self pity? This was a common factor I encountered and its hard for a positive life loving guy to understand why someone who is vibrant and attractive could have such a low opinion of themselves. To me, it simply does not compute.

Mind you, the internal mental workings of most females are a complete mystery to me anyway!



Knight

Chocoholic wrote:Bora, I am well aware of the ranges - from Cyclothemia, to Bipolar 1 & 2 - and the fact is there is a whole range of medications, some work for some people others don't, any psychiatrist will tell you that and sadly with many people it is still a case of trial and error, you start at one dosage and either increase or reduce, but they take at least 2 - 4 weeks to even start making a difference to a patient. What you say is true, but it does take time, it's not an overnight quick fix.

Of course there are triggers, most people whilst they're stable and happily living their life are fine, until there's an emotional upset, which is usually the cause of the problem, which is why the support of family/friends/therapist are of utmost importancy.

I'm not contradicting myself, sometimes they are useful in the short-term, but not a long-term solution. It's not a black and white situation, there are soooooo many grey areas.

But it's still a fact that meds are not always the answer - and I for one do not believe in them. Take me for example, they do absolutely nothing for me, and believe me I've been through virtually everything there is! Most mood stabilizers are actually medications for epileptics but the side effect is mood stabilization, hence why they tend to use them. It's mostly the antidepressants that are the problem. They are addictive and can make you feel horrific. It can be like living your life through a haze - who wants to live like that? No me thanks.

Medications certainly are not a necessity at all, they can be used as a short term thing for stability. There are great alternatives and I am a walking testament to that. And yes I can say I am well informed and know alot, because I have to live with it everyday of my life.

But it is wrong to say that pill popping is the only answer, because it certainly is not.

Chocs, forgive me, but you are bi-polar along with all your other afflictions?? If you suffer from depression then there are ways to deal with it without medication. To state as fact that medication is not necessary to treat bipolar is just wrong. I know you are going to tell me that depression and bipolar are the same thing, but they are not.

The person I referred to that I met who suffered from bipolar was very diligent with her meds. Sometime later I met another person who also suffered from bipolar, who was not so diligent. Being off the meds even for the shortest length of time put her in a manic depressive state for the most part and had to be convinced to return to her meds.The meds are given so that they are functional. The meds are not a cure, nor is homopathy.

When I say you contradict yourself - you stated that it takes years for find the right combination. To say it takes years is a bit of a stretch, unless you are talking about switching medication as new meds are introduced. That would result in success of a new drug or returning to the previous drug.

DK

do i know/have i met her ??

arniegang wrote:DK

do i know/have i met her ??

No mate, not one of my usual harem of convivial concubines!



Knight

Dubai Knight wrote:She is on the road to recovery now, but I am the spawn of the devil as far as she is concerned.

You sure could use a pill mate. You look bleak after your bi-polar encounter.

In my student and touring days maybe, but with age comes maturity and the ability to handle these things without chemical stimuli. My cure comes in bottles and is normally labelled 'Red'!



Knight