Re: Sages Copied & Pasted Joke of the day Version 2
Apr 19, 2010
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and
says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the
night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix
his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but
they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes
about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his
car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had
heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply,
"We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm *dying* to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the Earth and tell us how
many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand
pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a
monk."
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he
returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I
have traveled the Earth and have found what you have asked
for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the Earth."
The monks reply, "Congratulations! You are now a monk. We
shall now show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the
man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is
right behind that door."
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He
says, "Real funny. may I have the key?" The monks give him
the key, and he opens
the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of
stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The
monks give him the key, and he
opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He asks for yet
another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door
is *another* door, this one made of sapphire. So it went
until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver,
topaz, amethyst . . .
Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last
door."
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the
source of that strange sound.
But I can't tell you what it is because . . . you're not a
monk!
-- Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:48 am --
The Board of Trustees of a nearby University, decides to test the Professors, to see if they really know their stuff. First they take a Math Prof. and put him in a room. Now, the room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of softballs. They tell him to do whatever he want with the balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, he comes out and the Trustees look in and the balls are arranged in a triangle at the center of the table. Next, they give the same test to a Physics Prof. After an hour, they look in, and the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, they give the test to an Engineering Prof. After an hour, they look in and one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.
-- Mon Apr 26, 2010 6:42 am --
Three friends - Aboriginal, Jew and Australian, spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub. One night as they're leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three. The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Australian - who assumed dead - walked through the door. The Australian tells him, "Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20."
"Well, obviously, you paid up, but what happened to your friends?"
"The jew's trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it."
-- Mon Apr 26, 2010 6:44 am --
-- Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:48 am --
The Board of Trustees of a nearby University, decides to test the Professors, to see if they really know their stuff. First they take a Math Prof. and put him in a room. Now, the room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of softballs. They tell him to do whatever he want with the balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, he comes out and the Trustees look in and the balls are arranged in a triangle at the center of the table. Next, they give the same test to a Physics Prof. After an hour, they look in, and the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, they give the test to an Engineering Prof. After an hour, they look in and one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.
-- Mon Apr 26, 2010 6:42 am --
Three friends - Aboriginal, Jew and Australian, spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub. One night as they're leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three. The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Australian - who assumed dead - walked through the door. The Australian tells him, "Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20."
"Well, obviously, you paid up, but what happened to your friends?"
"The jew's trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it."
-- Mon Apr 26, 2010 6:46 am --
Three friends - Aboriginal, Jew and Australian, spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub. One night as they're leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three. The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Australian - who assumed dead - walked through the door. The Australian tells him, "Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20."
"Well, obviously, you paid up, but what happened to your friends?"
"The jew's trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it."
-- Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:26 pm --
When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.
I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.
I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.
I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.
When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."