Dear Managers of DEWA
One of the things I love about Dubai is that, in many way, it's a marvellously progressive city. You can pretty much find wi-fi anywhere you'd reasonably expect to. We have a driverless Metro system that (odd timetabling aside) serves those who use it well.
One of the things I hate most about Dubai, is DEWA.
It is indicative of all those things that make life in this city so much more stressful than it need be. Water and electricty are (with the exception of sewerage and roads) the two most vital things required by a civilised society to thrive. Their availabilty (subject to cost) should be immediate to all those who need it. No 'if's, 'and's or 'but's.
So then why, everytime I am required to call upon your 'services', am I left feeling like the only reasonable response to my experience is to acquire a gas-cooled assault rifle and come stalk the halls of your head office Columbine-style? That's not how your customer service experience should leave me. Or is it?
Are you guys trying to lay a few people off the old fashioned way?!
But ultimately, in my dealings with DEWA I have been fobbed off, insulted and flat out lied to. On BOTH occasions that I've needed a service (at 2 year intervals).
Nice going. Seriously.
To be incompetent is easy. Virtually all companies are at some point. But to be systematically structured to fail your customers at each request has to be applauded. If there were awards for sucking, DEWA would win the lion's share (and DU would probably pick up a few too). You guys would be the Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian of sucking. So how do you do it? How do you manage to consistently disappoint and flat-out infuriate.
Well, for starters, you tell people their electricity will be connected "within 2 hours" but then actually, despite 12 phonecalls and over 3 hours on the phone over a 48 hour period, you don't do it at all.
But that's not all. Not even nearly.
You need to hire a "Customer Service" department that on the surface has a vague idea of what a customer is, but no real experience dealing with them or desire to help them. Then you train your "Customer Service" team to be obnoxious, wilfully dumb and so mind-numbingly arrogant that they say things like, "well, that's YOUR problem."
That's. Your. Problem.
My "problem" is that in a city of 1 and a half million people, I have to deal with a company that in any other country, would have been removed from service years ago.
My "problem" is that when someone tells me that my electricity is going to be switched on "within 2 hours", nearly 48 hours later, it still hadn't.
Now I know what you're going to say, and you're right. I should just use candles until you're less busy and can send someone over. I shouldn't be so girly and precious about wanting to use a washing machine or a fridge. And you're right, because 50 years ago, Dubai didn't even have a washing machine or a fridge in the entire city. You guys managed, right?
So in closing, I would like to thank you DEWA managers. Thank you for managing a company that actively adds to the already abundent strain of living in this city, by being so hopelessly clueless, I had to get the security guy in my building to switch on my electric.
Thanks for employing staff who are so openly contempuous of customers, that their phone manner basically says "go forth and multiply".
Thanks for sucking 110%*.
And thanks for ensuring that wherever I travel in the world, I will always refer to Dubai as a third world country**, because (justice issues aside) basic services are provided so consistently poorly.
Yours, in awe of your suckiness.
Doctor Strangeglove
* Yes, I know. There's no such thing as 110%. I understand the contradiction.
** I'm aware that Dubai is not a country, but abroad, most people think that it is.