To my King , mysteries still remain.
Open letter to my love,
Its your birthday today. You would be 51 years old today. You still looked as beautiful as ever. Can it be that it has been 20 years since we fell in love? Time has past in a blink of an eye. My life has never been complete , since those five years you touched it. I think back at what happened.
What could I have changed?
If I had come to you ,would it had made a difference at that point?
Would it have mattered today?
I loved you deeply . I hope you always knew that, even in the stolen moments we shared after wards. It was what kept me sane for all these years. You were with me, in my thoughts, at every pinnacle moment in my life. I never expressed it to you, for fear of causing further pain.
I look back and realize I had a choice. I made the wrong one. I've said to myself "if only" , for so many circumstances. You never knew this, but I made up my mind to come back to you , no matter what the consequences. This is when I found out it was too late, I had waited too long. You had moved on so quickly , it stung. I was hurt by this, yet I had no right to be. It was my fault. I wish now I had just divulged to you my true intentions. Instead I stepped away so you could find the happiness you so deserved. Why didn't I know what you truly felt for me?
My heart has been in constant pain subsequent to hearing the news. I should have left six years ago when you asked me to. It was plausible to do so, but I thought you had changed. You wouldn't see me the same. You had loved again. I was scared. Again I cowered instead of taken the chance to once again find happiness with the only man in my heart. Please forgive me, my love. I am not ashamed of our love. I never was. When you said that I was, it killed me inside to think you would ever feel that way.
I will never forget the passion . I will never forget the way you made love to me, I hold on to it dearly. I will never forget that I've had your heart and you mine....for eternity.
I will be there for your children as much as it is possible. No matter what has happened, my family loved you dearly. I will always remember our time. I pray for you every single day, in this holy month, I pray you will be at peace with God.
your loving
"Zojti"
l will never forget what you stood for.