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i do believe that the most important thing in a relationship is trust, above love.

say your spouse/bf/gf that you really trust & love cheated on you, or your best trusted friends telling/reveal your secrets where you trusted him/her not to. can you ever be able to re-trust him/her again? if for some strong reasons both of you want/have to be together again, what's the "best" way to forget, accept, and trust again?

Sadly in both cases to with relationships and with friendship, once the trust has gone, very often it is impossible to get it back.

I am a kind of person who tend to forgive and offer a second chance... but all this depends on who is the person in question and what they did?

mind you... I may forgive but I may not be willing to continue the relationship... lost trust is extremely hard to get it back...

Time will heal.. this is the answer...

maybe after a year or two or maybe more if that person came back to me asking to fix things back I would consider...

time will heal... and people change... and no one is perfect

quatroporte wrote:I am a kind of person who tend to forgive and offer a second chance... but all this depends on who is the person in question and what they did?

mind you... I may forgive but I may not be willing to continue the relationship... lost trust is extremely hard to get it back...

Time will heal.. this is the answer...

maybe after a year or two or maybe more if that person came back to me asking to fix things back I would consider...

time will heal... and people change... and no one is perfect

But don't you think it is human nature to not forget what was done if it was a betrayal of a relationship or the trust of a friend.

To me I would always be on my guard and I think it would be human nature to scrutinize behaviour.

I would always keep a barrier up so as not to let that person in to my life as before. For me, that takes way too much energy if I have to be guarded around someone.

dont trust anyone

Bora Bora wrote:

quatroporte wrote:I am a kind of person who tend to forgive and offer a second chance... but all this depends on who is the person in question and what they did?

mind you... I may forgive but I may not be willing to continue the relationship... lost trust is extremely hard to get it back...

Time will heal.. this is the answer...

maybe after a year or two or maybe more if that person came back to me asking to fix things back I would consider...

time will heal... and people change... and no one is perfect

But don't you think it is human nature to not forget what was done if it was a betrayal of a relationship or the trust of a friend.

To me I would always be on my guard and I think it would be human nature to scrutinize behaviour.

I would always keep a barrier up so as not to let that person in to my life as before. For me, that takes way too much energy if I have to be guarded around someone.

Miauwww

trust is a matter of respect of privacy and love for one another...

oh right so privacy and keeping secrets from your partner is a good way to build trust is it? Wrong, so very very wrong!

Chocoholic wrote:oh right so privacy and keeping secrets from your partner is a good way to build trust is it? Wrong, so very very wrong!

try to look on the brighter side, would you want your bf/gf surveilling you every time is that what you one, would you want hi/her to check on your things and smell you everytime, thats not trust , the privacy that im talking here is not about keeping secret to one another, its a privacy of the heart and mind where you can freely move privately and discuss what ever your differences are, not the privacy where you can hide all your junks. Its an open trust privacy where both enjoy their relationship not a stalkers or jelous type of privacy where you keep on suspecting that your partner is doing something wrong with your relationship. One important thing in a relation ship is privacy and trust. All of us have his/her own world, to ponder, grow thats the beauti of life. If you want a healthy relationship learn to learn to have respects and trust your partner, at the sametime giving a space for your partners privacy, for him to grow. This will keep you young and happy, and will not grow old and wringled worrying too much that your partner is doing something silly. Let her/his concience tornment her/him if his doing something...

You shouldn't give your other half a reason to distrust you in the first place.

It only makes sense that your too paranoid if you cant learn to give your partner his on space of privacy in terms of emotional growth and for him to retreat and check himself if his still phycologically healthy...

Not really getting the point are you? Never mind!

I think its not me who's not getting the point.

See here, when you meet your man/woman, didn't you have your own private life and privacy? then you decided to build a relationship or be togehter. Simply what im implying here is that in order to have a healthy relationship while having your on space to grow to, so called privacy, you just need to learn to trust and respect your partner, and dont be paranoid. because most of the relationships failure is not just because he/she lacks trust but its because you try to take away his on space of privacy.

The privacy im talking here is for your partner to have a place where he can evaluate himself and your relationship emotionally to gain trust and respect to him/her self. You cannot be all over him/her like a leach everytime. That is if your idea of a relationship with trust is putting a leash/collar in your partner...

portland wrote:I think its not me who's not getting the point.

See here, when you meet your man/woman, didn't you have your own private life and privacy? then you decided to build a relationship or be togehter. Simply what im implying here is that in order to have a healthy relationship while having your on space to grow to, so called privacy, you just need to learn to trust and respect your partner, and dont be paranoid. because most of the relationships failure is not just because he/she lacks trust but its because you try to take away his on space of privacy.

The privacy im talking here is for your partner to have a place where he can evaluate himself and your relationship emotionally to gain trust and respect to him/her self. You cannot be all over him/her like a leach everytime. That is if your idea of a relationship with trust is putting a leash/collar in your partner...

I think I agree with this, mostly.

portland wrote:I think its not me who's not getting the point.

See here, when you meet your man/woman, didn't you have your own private life and privacy? then you decided to build a relationship or be togehter. Simply what im implying here is that in order to have a healthy relationship while having your on space to grow to, so called privacy, you just need to learn to trust and respect your partner, and dont be paranoid. because most of the relationships failure is not just because he/she lacks trust but its because you try to take away his on space of privacy.

The privacy im talking here is for your partner to have a place where he can evaluate himself and your relationship emotionally to gain trust and respect to him/her self. You cannot be all over him/her like a leach everytime. That is if your idea of a relationship with trust is putting a leash/collar in your partner...

On most points I agree, except one. I disagree when each of the couples have "own privacy" in terms that "I have my own friends, it's none of your business what I'm doing or where I go, etc".

I don't like this kind of relationship. If a relationship is like bonding two people into one (I'm talking about serious relationship or marriage), why not just share and be open to each other while still giving freedom and respecting the time and boundary?

For example, at least I'd need to know where and with whom my partner is going. My/your friends are our friends. But that's all, not to try to interfere or anything, but just to feel secure and responsible. After all, I don't see any reason why one must "hide" or "protect" it. And on the other hand my partner would expect the same from me.

I believe in trust and openness in relationship. If all fails, then why having a relationship in the first place? What's the difference than a friend?

xty wrote:

portland wrote:I think its not me who's not getting the point.

See here, when you meet your man/woman, didn't you have your own private life and privacy? then you decided to build a relationship or be togehter. Simply what im implying here is that in order to have a healthy relationship while having your on space to grow to, so called privacy, you just need to learn to trust and respect your partner, and dont be paranoid. because most of the relationships failure is not just because he/she lacks trust but its because you try to take away his on space of privacy.

The privacy im talking here is for your partner to have a place where he can evaluate himself and your relationship emotionally to gain trust and respect to him/her self. You cannot be all over him/her like a leach everytime. That is if your idea of a relationship with trust is putting a leash/collar in your partner...

On most points I agree, except one. I disagree when each of the couples have "own privacy" in terms that "I have my own friends, it's none of your business what I'm doing or where I go, etc".

I don't like this kind of relationship. If a relationship is like bonding two people into one (I'm talking about serious relationship or marriage), why not just share and be open to each other while still giving freedom and respecting the time and boundary?

For example, at least I'd need to know where and with whom my partner is going. My/your friends are our friends. But that's all, not to try to interfere or anything, but just to feel secure and responsible. After all, I don't see any reason why one must "hide" or "protect" it. And on the other hand my partner would expect the same from me.

I believe in trust and openness in relationship. If all fails, then why having a relationship in the first place? What's the difference than a friend?

yup a point to that, I agree and I didn't mean a privacy to hide or anything. Simply give and share, an open commmunication to both.

xty wrote:On most points I agree, except one. I disagree when each of the couples have "own privacy" in terms that "I have my own friends, it's none of your business what I'm doing or where I go, etc".

I don't like this kind of relationship. If a relationship is like bonding two people into one (I'm talking about serious relationship or marriage), why not just share and be open to each other while still giving freedom and respecting the time and boundary?

For example, at least I'd need to know where and with whom my partner is going. My/your friends are our friends. But that's all, not to try to interfere or anything, but just to feel secure and responsible. After all, I don't see any reason why one must "hide" or "protect" it. And on the other hand my partner would expect the same from me.

I believe in trust and openness in relationship. If all fails, then why having a relationship in the first place? What's the difference than a friend?

I think that trust in a relationship is about giving your partner a space,,, freedom of thought, opinions, his/her own self.
When we say ......I love you to a person....what really we have in mind?

In my opinion Its that.... I love the way he is and will never try to change anything about him.

The way you expressed is like you wanna possess and its not healthy in a relationship. Give space and let your partner to decide.
In response to your trust your partner will start sharing with you but it needs time and patience.
Relationship basically is to make 2 different people come closer, 2 different worlds compatible with each other. As a person in self is a whole world...so it needs its space and freedom and then it will relate.

Trusting others first need your own peace of soul and mind then, you will manage a relationship without any doubt.

daisy wrote:

xty wrote:On most points I agree, except one. I disagree when each of the couples have "own privacy" in terms that "I have my own friends, it's none of your business what I'm doing or where I go, etc".

I don't like this kind of relationship. If a relationship is like bonding two people into one (I'm talking about serious relationship or marriage), why not just share and be open to each other while still giving freedom and respecting the time and boundary?

For example, at least I'd need to know where and with whom my partner is going. My/your friends are our friends. But that's all, not to try to interfere or anything, but just to feel secure and responsible. After all, I don't see any reason why one must "hide" or "protect" it. And on the other hand my partner would expect the same from me.

I believe in trust and openness in relationship. If all fails, then why having a relationship in the first place? What's the difference than a friend?

I think that trust in a relationship is about giving your partner a space,,, freedom of thought, opinions, his/her own self.
When we say ......I love you to a person....what really we have in mind?

In my opinion Its that.... I love the way he is and will never try to change anything about him.

The way you expressed is like you wanna possess and its not healthy in a relationship. Give space and let your partner to decide.
In response to your trust your partner will start sharing with you but it needs time and patience.
Relationship basically is to make 2 different people come closer, 2 different worlds compatible with each other. As a person in self is a whole world...so it needs its space and freedom and then it will relate.

Trusting others first need your own peace of soul and mind then, you will manage a relationship without any doubt.

exactly as i wanted to say

daisy wrote:I think that trust in a relationship is about giving your partner a space,,, freedom of thought, opinions, his/her own self.
When we say ......I love you to a person....what really we have in mind?

In my opinion Its that.... I love the way he is and will never try to change anything about him.

The way you expressed is like you wanna possess and its not healthy in a relationship. Give space and let your partner to decide.
In response to your trust your partner will start sharing with you but it needs time and patience.
Relationship basically is to make 2 different people come closer, 2 different worlds compatible with each other. As a person in self is a whole world...so it needs its space and freedom and then it will relate.

Trusting others first need your own peace of soul and mind then, you will manage a relationship without any doubt.

I agree with you, but I never said about changing someone or not giving space/freedom.

xty wrote:I agree with you, but I never said about changing someone or not giving space/freedom.

I think space doesn't mean sharing on demand......and freedom is all about ones own will so,
I dont know what space are you talkin about....physical or breathing????

daisy wrote:I think space doesn't mean sharing on demand......and freedom is all about ones own will so,
I dont know what space are you talkin about....physical or breathing????

Space & freedom to do whatever she likes, to go wherever she likes, to wear whatever clothing she likes, etc. She'll know herself what's best or not for/on her.
All I expect is only an "FYI". Is that possessive? I don't think so.

FYI?????
whats this?

daisy wrote:FYI?????
whats this?

Sure not 'for your information'

Free Yourself from Insanity..???

daisy wrote:FYI?????
whats this?

For Your Information

WhiteJade wrote:Sure not 'for your information'

why not?

xty wrote:

WhiteJade wrote:Sure not 'for your information'

why not?

Cause it stands for 'Free Yourself from Insanity'

There are 2 sides to a story. If a person betrayed your trust, okay. Find out what the circustances and also look within yourself. I'm not blaming you but what is YOUR energy and how does this person view YOUR energy. Are your energies compatible?

I believe in forgiving. Nevertheless forgiving doesn't mean you can't be cautious. Most people on earth are good people. Most people on earth want happiness and love. There is a small percentage of evil creatures.

I think the best way to have relationships with others is to focus on yourself.

Why not Free Yourself From Insanity ..??

Indeed PP, It is important to remember to work on trusting others by developing trust in ourselves, if we know we have confidence in our own thoughts and feelings, we will be more receptive to others. This will help us be certain about ourselves in our relationships and give us the courage to get closer to others without fear of being hurt.
If we can’t do this, than it’s best to lock the doors and be alone..