Derek, if you want a conspiracy theory involving real pirates you should look into the fact that:
Robert Rubin and Henry Paulson (the two prime movers behind TARP and the bank bailout) are both ex-CEOs at Goldman Sachs.
a) Since last November they have conspired to take approx $1 trillion of taxpayers' money, transfer it to the banking industry, then cripple or destroy that industry (ie Goldman's competitors) by forcing BearSterns and Lehman Brothers into bankruptcy and Merrill Lynch to buy Bank of America at a massively inflated price.
b) This leaves Goldman Sachs to take over the US financial sector.
and c) Lo and behold surprise, surprise, Goldman posts a record profit for the quarter and there is no real American banking industry left.
AND WHERE'S ALL THE MONEY GONE ???