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We were talking about marriage, to buy a flat and living arrangement for the last 9 months. My boyfriend (ex) for nearly 2 years decided to end our relationship today. Just found out that he has been cheating on me since November. It was so hurtfull, as i believe i can offer so much and love him unconditionally despite our cultural, religion and so many other differences. Can anyone enlighten me? Help me to get through this....

it s the bad & hard thing that a woman can have

i know how you are feeling

you can say we are sharing the same story

but u ll realise later that u deserve better then him

the better always comes later

How would you know if the man who is speaking to you is a playa or someone who is really up for a relationship....?
This question is really important, and the answer is the key for all broken girls' hearts....
any comments!!!!

don t forget that some men can do anything to let the girl believe whatever they say
they will show they are caring they are serieuse and and and and

all of this and the other guy asking abt why he is serieus now and no girl is serieuse with him in the other topic

that s why girls stopt being serieuse..

his answer in this post

there is always a way to know the man is caring from inside his heart or just playing.
by the way most caring men are cheating ....

and also there is some other side of the man life which if you know you can easily tell that guy is just playing, or even that he is not willing for a serious relation he is just looking for an affair.
And some girls know that really good, but they keep lying to themselves so that they don't face the truth.
M

Mahmoud04 wrote:there is always a way to know the man is caring from inside his heart or just playing.
by the way most caring men are cheating ....

exactly what i learned from my experience

he was carring till death that no one can imagine it

listen girls should exactly know what are they expecting from the man?
and they need to be more realistic and stop flying in romance.
Most of the men don't like to be alone, he just needs somebody around, somebody soft of course.. but that doesn't mean love.

ladydee wrote:We were talking about marriage, to buy a flat and living arrangement for the last 9 months. My boyfriend (ex) for nearly 2 years decided to end our relationship today. Just found out that he has been cheating on me since November. It was so hurtfull, as i believe i can offer so much and love him unconditionally despite our cultural, religion and so many other differences. Can anyone enlighten me? Help me to get through this....

Look at it this way: it's much better to find out what kind of person he is now than after purchasing property together, marriage and kids... Imagine the turmoil of separating from your spouse of several years, fighting over custody of kids and splitting assets, etc. I think it worked out for the best for you. You'll get over it eventually, just concentrate on being around people and more important activities in your life, and you will be ready for another (hopefully better) person in your life...

XX wrote:Look at it this way: it's much better to find out what kind of person he is now than after purchasing property together, marriage and kids... Imagine the turmoil of separating from your spouse of several years, fighting over custody of kids and splitting assets, etc. I think it worked out for the best for you. You'll get over it eventually, just concentrate on being around people and more important activities in your life, and you will be ready for another (hopefully better) person in your life...

well said

Thanks for all your valuable input. It has enlighten my mind a bit but I find it difficult to breathe as it is really hard to let go.... Time will heal me I know. Just a week or so with the help of God.

I'm so ashame to admit, I have no activity to turn to... This guy has been my life for the last 2 years. My routine is office and home. My closiest friend just moved to Canada which worsen my situation.
Is there anything this community can offer me now?.... i.e. to divert my attention to something else....

hey lady dee... this is exactly the reason why it is not good to focus your everything on one person. your last post is crucial to form an opinion that the guy got tired of the routine. if you have been with the guy for more than 2 years & your world seemed to revolve around him only with no social activities outside of the relationship my guess is that things became a routine, and he got tired of it. if what you were doing for the last 2 years is what you are going to do for the next 5 or 10 or till death do us part then of course you will get tired of it (this is applicable in all aspects not just in relationships). this of course does not mean that he did not love you and truly cared for you at the beginning but maybe he fell out of it.

my unsolicited advice, don't seek a rebound guy cos most likely you will end up hurt or you will hurt him. take this time to heal & develop valuable friendship and discover your self as a person, as a woman without the guy. girlfriends are very good morale boosters! you always have someone behind you to perk things up.

hope this helps lady dee... i truly do!

global_headhunter wrote:hey lady dee... this is exactly the reason why it is not good to focus your everything on one person. your last post is crucial to form an opinion that the guy got tired of the routine. if you have been with the guy for more than 2 years & your world seemed to revolve around him only with no social activities outside of the relationship my guess is that things became a routine, and he got tired of it. if what you were doing for the last 2 years is what you are going to do for the next 5 or 10 or till death do us part then of course you will get tired of it (this is applicable in all aspects not just in relationships). this of course does not mean that he did not love you and truly cared for you at the beginning but maybe he fell out of it.

my unsolicited advice, don't seek a rebound guy cos most likely you will end up hurt or you will hurt him. take this time to heal & develop valuable friendship and discover your self as a person, as a woman without the guy. girlfriends are very good morale boosters! you always have someone behind you to perk things up.

hope this helps lady dee... i truly do!

Good post. Sound advice.

Laydee, you should ask yourself why he decided to have an affair in the first place. The routine was maybe not what he was looking for and he still needed the excitement that was there in the first stages of your relationship. Maybe he was just not ready to settle down yet and you are better off to have found this out now than later when it all becomes infinitely more complicated.

Consider it a benefit to you and your life, take the opportunity to stretch your self as an individual and don't start looking for 'the next ex'. If you are lucky, true love will find you when it, and you, are good and ready.



Knight

Good Morning to all,
What I would suggest in your situation Lady, try to find something that takes all your attention away from thinking about the past 2 years, for example try to find a hobby that you liked before and stopped it, or try even to find a new hobby.

Try to learn something, learning something new will give you a push forward and will makes you feel stronger, learn a language, new technology, even cooking new dishes....

Well, I am not sure if everybody likes fishing, but why don't you try fishing its a great fun and takes all your bad times away, all what you care about is how to get fishes out of the water!!!!
Best wishes and wish you get out of that mood soon.
Have a nice day every1.
M.

Mahmoud04 wrote:Well, I am not sure if everybody likes fishing, but why don't you try fishing its a great fun and takes all your bad times away, all what you care about is how to get fishes out of the water!!!!
Best wishes and wish you get out of that mood soon.
Have a nice day every1.
M.

Use dynamite! Much quicker!



Knight

Never ever make the other person in your life the be all and end all. You should never change who you are for someone else.

It'll get easier, as they say time os a fantastic healer.

And yes, routine in relationships is never a good thing, being spontaneous and keeping people on their toes is always fun and keeps things fresh.

I'm 33 and I never expected that I will learn this lesson this late.
I have survived my day yesterday with a little shed of tears but I feel better today and will continue to be better in the coming days.

Trying to remember bad things about him....I remembered he said:
Quote "When we get married, I might hurt you....like punching you.... seeing other ladies....controlling you.... " Unquote
(I said to my self: "That would be a marriage in hell!").
Whenever these words echoed in my mind, I feel a relief that I managed to get out of that relationship on time.

It's just a bit difficult for me to contact my old friends as I was out of the picture for quite some time.

I'll move on folks, thanks for your valuable advice.

heya lady dee... you go girl! you are moving in the right direction. i wish we can chat sometime in case you need someone to talk to but i can't post my ym here & im not allowed to pm yet

Hi Ms. global_headhunter,
thanks for your nice message.
you can write me an e-mail on hollandxb yahoo
i would be glad to have a nice lady to chat to....dont worry i wont discuss much about this "incident".
have a nice evening.....
ciao

global_headhunter wrote:my unsolicited advice, don't seek a rebound guy cos most likely you will end up hurt or you will hurt him. take this time to heal & develop valuable friendship and discover your self as a person, as a woman without the guy. girlfriends are very good morale boosters! you always have someone behind you to perk things up.

this is the best advice...

don't seek a rebound partner... take your own time...

I did this mistake. it made things worst for me...

ladydee wrote:Thanks for all your valuable input. It has enlighten my mind a bit but I find it difficult to breathe as it is really hard to let go.... Time will heal me I know. Just a week or so with the help of God.

I'm so ashame to admit, I have no activity to turn to... This guy has been my life for the last 2 years. My routine is office and home. My closiest friend just moved to Canada which worsen my situation.
Is there anything this community can offer me now?.... i.e. to divert my attention to something else....

New boyfriend, new opportunities...

ladydee wrote:I'm 33 and I never expected that I will learn this lesson this late.
I have survived my day yesterday with a little shed of tears but I feel better today and will continue to be better in the coming days.

Trying to remember bad things about him....I remembered he said:
Quote "When we get married, I might hurt you....like punching you.... seeing other ladies....controlling you.... " Unquote
(I said to my self: "That would be a marriage in hell!").
Whenever these words echoed in my mind, I feel a relief that I managed to get out of that relationship on time.

It's just a bit difficult for me to contact my old friends as I was out of the picture for quite some time.

I'll move on folks, thanks for your valuable advice.

I am so shocked, sad and felt speechless after I read your post. You said in your first post, you love him unconditionally which is a sign of True Love.
You know something you are so lucky and he is so unlucky. You are lucky because you touched upon the true love and too bad for him he could not see the love you have had for him? True love will never fill up the glass as its indefinite, lovers always feel for more and more.

I quote
"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it."

I hope you take good memories of your beloved and always remember them to make your future life a better one, dont cry, be happy that you loved.

Cheers

I had an amazing weekend.....We got back together!
Crazy as it sounds, but I really love this man.
I know he will make me cry again....but i think there is no perfect relationship.... I'm not so keen to be his future wife but just enjoying his companionship as he is so caring, thoughful, lovable and every inch a gentleman.

Thanks for all your advice.

cheers!

ladydee wrote:I had an amazing weekend.....We got back together!
Crazy as it sounds, but I really love this man.
I know he will make me cry again....but i think there is no perfect relationship.... I'm not so keen to be his future wife but just enjoying his companionship as he is so caring, thoughful, lovable and every inch a gentleman.

Thanks for all your advice.

cheers!

We are all glad that you two got back together. Cheers

happy for you

but take it easy this time and try to do not let him be your only world

enjoye life

IT MAY NEVER BE CLEAR....NO ANSWERS WILL BE SATISFACTORY...BUT FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND....LET IT ALL GO....START ALLOVER...

happy for u lady dee

just go on...
just 1 thing to telll dnt get carried away with it...
keep a balance in life...

Glad you've got back with your boyfriend. Make sure he didn't hurt you anymore. Enjoy your life, hope he will realize that you are his true love. Man often play with woman's feeling, but while a man realize that a woman is his true love, he will never hurt her anymore. Trust me!

it's good that you discovered he was a cheater sooner than never.

ladydee wrote:I had an amazing weekend.....We got back together!
Crazy as it sounds, but I really love this man.
I know he will make me cry again....but i think there is no perfect relationship.... I'm not so keen to be his future wife but just enjoying his companionship as he is so caring, thoughful, lovable and every inch a gentleman.

Thanks for all your advice.

cheers!

Alrighty, but be careful.