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my problem is that i like filipina ladies, and thinking of marrying one (im saying my problem cuz i can't love my own country ladies cuz of that). is that possible? will this relation be happy? can i convince her to change many of the habits in their culture we consider as "bad" . what if she didn't like it, will she take my kids and run away (as some guys told me)?

there are really good people in their community but the problem is.

they dont speak any other lanuage except theirs and the love towards their nation can cause an illfeeling in others whenever they gather around

except that they are fun loving, caring and good people
and every one has their own drawbacks.

you might be right. but wanna know, is it easy to change their attitude or no hope?

howdy u want to find a nice lady but change her. Why dont u try to meet a nice girl and love her as she is?!

ehemmm.. guess who I am?
well, I have a friend who married a very kind Syrian man. She is a Filipina. They have 2 cute kids, and have been married for like 4 years already.. What she feared most is when her husband will marry other women aside from her (the guy is Muslim). This is what kept her from telling her husband that if he'll marry again, he will never be seeing her & the kids again.
You see, Filipinas are sweet and caring people, but they are not the sharing type. Never ever will they want somebody to share their mans attention with.

tt. wrote:howdy u want to find a nice lady but change her. Why dont u try to meet a nice girl and love her as she is?!

I salute you for this really true

howdy wrote:my problem is that i like filipina ladies, and thinking of marrying one (im saying my problem cuz i can't love my own country ladies cuz of that). is that possible? will this relation be happy? can i convince her to change many of the habits in their culture we consider as "bad" . what if she didn't like it, will she take my kids and run away (as some guys told me)?

You have a point on this, people's character are mostly based on their culture. Most Asians are very respectful to other people like Filipinos. They have so called politeness in their language. The only thing can make the two of you happy is UNDERSTANDING. Sometimes you have to think and accept why her reaction is like that or why she eat like this etc. etc. and vice versa.

tt. wrote:howdy u want to find a nice lady but change her. Why dont u try to meet a nice girl and love her as she is?!

so many men when they want a woman they said ''i want you as you are''

later on they try always to change her

''i don t like this i don t like that'' even first time they felt in love with everything on her

I know it Miss_Lolly. Men try change their women even as women try do it too.... But if women try to change some everyday men's habits, men try to change more serious women's habits.

oh sorry for my english... it isn't good...

Marriage/no marriage, relationships require compromise, flexibility, and love. but for intercultural couples, these aspects can bring difficulties because of the differences that they’ve in each culture. however, they have rewarding benefits as well..
we should firstly erase any kind of feelings of absolute nationalism and convert them to a global one.. if we think with the traditional-own cultural mentality, than changing other person will become ‘the must’; keeping in mind that we hardly change and mostly pretend..
we should take pride in each others differences, not be skeptical but instead, have the desire and patience to learn the other person through the journey we take together..

dears. maybe i wasn't clear enough.
i had a girl friend (filipina), our relation lasted for 2 years, but we had so many differences in our thoughts. what i mean by changing her that i want her to "totally" quit drinking alcohol, stop eating pork "since it's against my religion", and one of my major problems was that its was ok for her if her kid became bakla (homo) someday. she was saying its his choice. so how can i convince her to change these things. i don't think i will ever marry other lady, cuz i can't afford it, and if she remains good to me i wouldn't ever think about anyone else. some guys told me she will take ur kids away once u had a fight, then u can't get them back.and by the way, being a Muslim doesn't mean marrying more than one wife, try to read more about Islam please.

Why should she change to please you? You take people as they are! As far as I'm concerned religion should have no part in relationships, it's YOUR choice and should not be imposed on others.

So typical of Arab men in general, during dating they're all lovey dovey and wonderful, but once they've got that ring on your finger, you're a piece of property! One of my friends has married an Iranian and he totally changed into a jealous, psychotic nightmare. We all wanred her, but now she's going to have to deal with it or leave him, he's unbearable!

Chocoholic wrote:Why should she change to please you? You take people as they are! As far as I'm concerned religion should have no part in relationships, it's YOUR choice and should not be imposed on others.

So typical of Arab men in general, during dating they're all lovey dovey and wonderful, but once they've got that ring on your finger, you're a piece of property! One of my friends has married an Iranian and he totally changed into a jealous, psychotic nightmare. We all wanred her, but now she's going to have to deal with it or leave him, he's unbearable!

That's a rather disappointing comment! How can you say it's "so typical of arab men in general"? first of all there are many, many different arab countries which each have their own culture and way of doing things. Besides that crappy behavior is far from beeing specific to arabs, it's like if i said "oh all westerners are finished alcoholics who beat their wives and cheat with the office secretary" its true for some of them, but it's definitely not a cultural thing. What, do you think our parents raise us to be "all lovey dovey during dating but turn into a monster after shes got a ring on her finger" ? Ridiculous...

I'm more of the opinion that some women make bad choices and go for loons. Besides, if you warned your friend about that man, its because there were some signs that he would turn into a control freak, so your friend DID know. I can accept that some arab men are bad, but you'll have to accept that some women marry lunatics knowning what they're getting into.

Oh and by the way, Iranians are not arabs, they're persian....

Miss_lolly wrote:

tt. wrote:howdy u want to find a nice lady but change her. Why dont u try to meet a nice girl and love her as she is?!

so many men when they want a woman they said ''i want you as you are''

later on they try always to change her

''i don t like this i don t like that'' even first time they felt in love with everything on her

Well i thought this is a women issue not men!!! my experiences tell me that you girls who work hard in changing us.

Sadly Pimpin, in my experience 95% of the time, it's exactly what happens.

It seems we are going so far away from the subject, i wanted an advice, and im getting complicated stories overhere.

I had a g.f before as i said, and for the 2 years we were 2gether i never cheated on her, though we had many fights, but this is my attitude, never cheat on someone you love.

do you think if we had a big fight someday, she will not go back to her bad habbits, drinking, smoking, dating....etc to screw me?
a friend of mine had that case, when they fought, she slept with another man the same night they broke up, only to screw him. so is it arab men or the none arab women who take it that easy? its not about "plug n play" matter, its about being faithful and respectful.

is there such a thing as 'convincing someone to change' ?

looks like the argument is heading to the way as to 'why should one change' ..

And why are these bad habits? In your opinion maybe.

You do not have the right to ask someone to change for you!

If you cannot accept someone as they are, then they are not for you.

Forcing someone to change to be what you want, only causes resentment.

Chocoholic wrote:And why are these bad habits? In your opinion maybe.

You do not have the right to ask someone to change for you!

If you cannot accept someone as they are, then they are not for you.

Forcing someone to change to be what you want, only causes resentment.

strongly agree chocos...

When you are in a relationship, soon you will find out what is your partner preferences or what makes him/her happy or disappointed...

if you care and love your partner you may/can compromise some of your behavior if you find it worthwhile... it should come from you as a compromise not being forced to change!!!! it causes resentment as chocos mentioned. and even worst.

talking about my Ex-Girl... she had (what I would consider) a very bad habit/attitude .... she is extremely into the way she looks, her clothes should always be a high end fashion brand, her hair should be done in hairdresser every other day... her car, her phone etc etc etc...

yes, she was this kind of a hot girl who you see as the bad girl in movies who is so materialistic and shallow.. only cares about attention.

you may ask me what the hell I was doing with her 4years?!?!? the answer is simple, while I hated this attitude of her... it never ever affected our relationship... I mean to say, its her money and she can do whatever she wants with it and show off with it... imagine me trying to change that behavior??? no point, I will just make arguments and problems for no real reason. infact after 2years I even started to like her stupid blond girlie attitude... and this even made our relationship stronger.

she was like that since day one... and there is no need to change it even after day 1000...

a message to the original poster, don't try to change her ever, try to communicate to her what you like and dislike. and its upto her to make compromises, and be open minded she is also a human with feelings...

and if her behavior is effecting the relationship then she is not right for you... simple.

howdy wrote:i want her to "totally" quit drinking alcohol.

It depends. If she's totally alchoholic then she needs to be rehabilitated in an institution,but if she drinks occasionallly and moderately then i don't see any problem about it

howdy wrote:stop eating pork "since it's against my religion"

PORK-ahh..it's the most delicous food for the Filipinos.But if you'll mary her and became a Muslim- i think it's possible for her to stop eating pork.I know many Christians who converted to Islam and they stop eating pork at all.

howdy wrote:one of my major problems was that its was ok for her if her kid became bakla (homo) someday. she was saying its his choice.

You consider this a major problem.Truly it's a major problem for every parent since we all wish to have a normal child.But,what can you do? nothing.A gay will always be a gay.And you can't kill your own son just because he is gay-you have to accept it..If you put him to military the more he likes it since there are more men out there.

So my fiance tried to change me too. He spoke about alcohol, pork, religion, my clothes and so on. I said him that i wouldn't change anything. Because i didn't want it........ i didn't want pretend...He decided that love more important for him than my changing. Now we respect each other and try to find compromises. We have any problems of course like all people but I know that he accept me as i am.
He changed his mind because he trusted me also.

You should have looked at the bigger picture before and gone out with a muslim girl atleast you wound not have had these issues...

Don't date outside of your religion or culture if you plan to try to change that person to conform to what you want. Either you love her and accept her religious and cultural beliefs and you think you can live together in compromise, or you don't. It is never a happy relationship if each is trying to change the other person, especially on big issues.

I still think that non-Arab/Muslim women should be wary of dating Arab/Muslim men, because it isn't uncommon for them to date outside their culture and be so lovey dovey to the woman because they want to have s.e.x and keep the woman around for as long as he wants. He pretends that love will conquer all the obstacles. Then the next thing the woman knows he's gone back to visit his family and comes back married to a first cousin or someone else chosen by his family.

I have a couple of friends who stood up to their families and married outside of their culture and religion, but the families are still not 100% happy about the situation it sometimes comes out, even though the couples have been together many years and have children together.

It can work, but rare are the men who stand up to their families and really fight to be with the woman they love. Also, these men respect the differences between their wife and they are not very religious, so this makes the relationship run more smoothly. Men who don't respect the differences and are more religious wouldn't thrive in an inter-faith/inter-cultural marriage. Nothing wrong with that, just know yourself and don't bother dating outside of your faith or culture if you are that kind of person.

this is ridiculous...you could care less who she is all you want is a filipina...get urself a filipina blow up doll sort all your problems then...wouldn't need to change anything about her but her clothes every now and again

ArchitectRoel: I like your comments. Funny.
tt: U have nice name.
Galactico: Read my 1st message.
kanelli: since they (women) aware about that, why they accept it soooooo easly with us??? cuz they want it.

I know guys that i can't change her easly. but if she loves me she has to do it for our love. and my main concern is is she accepts our kids to bacome Homo and they don't guid him before that starts. then they say its his choice. anyway, i'll be looking around for one, maybe she will come someday, note that i dont agree with most of the comments, cuz we dont get younger anymore, time pass so fast.

Uh, no... because the woman is treating the relationship like how she would in her own culture. If she is in love with the guy and believes that he is too, then she likely doesn't have a problem having s.e.x with him. It is quite the betrayal when the guy comes back married to a first cousin or some other woman the family picks out. It means that she meant nothing to him.

Chocoholic wrote:Sadly Pimpin, in my experience 95% of the time, it's exactly what happens.

I'm curious as to why western women keep marrying arab men then?

Chocoholic wrote:And why are these bad habits? In your opinion maybe.

You do not have the right to ask someone to change for you!

If you cannot accept someone as they are, then they are not for you.

Forcing someone to change to be what you want, only causes resentment.

100% agreed! Even if she accepted to change, she would end up feeling resentful in the long run, resentful for forcing her to change and for making her feel like the real her wasn't not good enough for you. She has been clear about what she's ready to accept and what she isn't. Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll change her, it'll creep back up on you in the future. You have been warned.....

Why not find a nice Filipina Muslim girl? Or do only Christian Filipinas go to Dubai?