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Can someone advise me on how to end my marriage. I from Asia and married an American in USA. Although he a good practising Muslim but is rude and ungrateful sometimes. I feel compassion for him, but i feel trap in this marriage. I am not happy and only Allah knows how insecure and uninspired i feel.

Although he said i need to just tell him if i want to end the marriage but i dare not especially when i dont have anyone to standby me and anywhere to go. I feel shame to go back to my home country so soon and dont have the ticket home too.

The imam or any Muslim community here is out of reach for help because they dont to be involve. I am going crazy in desperation. i dont want to just pack my things secretly like before while he go to work, and living in non muslim social service. It is emotionaly distressful.

I really dont know what to do. i dare not to show i hate the marriage, i am afraid of him, but i hate this marriage and want to be single again.

sakina (inshaAllah)

What kind help you looking for, i may suggest you or if i can help you, i would love to help. please feel free to let me know.

Good Luck

Are you in the USA at the moment?

where are you now? contact me mohammed dot afzal at oxinst dot come.

Apply for divorce in court

just seat & talk to him..whats going on...what bothers u? what does bothering him..etc ..if u r really muslim open & read Quran again whats it say about divorce..keep patiance....& I dont get one thing why u afraid of him??

Remeber, in every marriage sort of problems, issues, etc..& divorce is not a solution..sometimes we need to look inside ourselves...

..Good luck

leave the looser...get a lawyer

feel good to read supportive words from all of you. i confuse about my future, i remember Tina Turner's song "what love has to do with it"

I love people, especially if someone i married but i realise i am the loser in this mariage, he is happy but not me, wife without any incentives whatsover. No prospect of better life.

I am in US, and I'm stuck, i cannot go home because no money for ticket and if i do i would be blocked to enter again for years as I got married here on visiting visa. I am afraid to even travel to another state as visa expired few months ago. I had hope a happy marriage, work and visit my family, but I cannot do anything without money for greencard. Life is bore, being a wife to someone who under appreciate sacrifices I made for him.

How can i get green card and work and live alone without any useless man as husband. I used to inspiring life but now i snacking myself to pass time.

just dump him!

I have no stability and comfort in my marriage. I dont want to hurt my husband. He is obedient to ALLAH. He can be funny and and nice sometime. So I care about him.

Unfortunately, he can be stubborn not accepting my advice, rude at times, and worst of all he dont earn a stable income because his job is on and off always.

I can only cry and doa to Allah for good changes. because I cannot do anything else. I cannot work and help in, I cannot be on my own, work and single. Nothing I can do so I get confuse.

I really feel sorry for your current situation. I will pray that everything will take into place. I suggest you to contact your families, you need them and they are the few ones who can help your right now.

I'm speechless

ArchitectRoel wrote:I'm speechless

Here's another one

sakina wrote:I have no stability and comfort in my marriage. I dont want to hurt my husband. He is obedient to ALLAH. He can be funny and and nice sometime. So I care about him.

Unfortunately, he can be stubborn not accepting my advice, rude at times, and worst of all he dont earn a stable income because his job is on and off always.

I can only cry and doa to Allah for good changes. because I cannot do anything else. I cannot work and help in, I cannot be on my own, work and single. Nothing I can do so I get confuse.

Sakina one thing u shud be clear abt....whether u can bear it all or u have to end it....if u wanna end this then dont confuse urself tht u care for him...it shud be then only urself.......if u wanna have another chance of life then choose the path and dont fuss about consequences...coz how much we think the fate will come to us....if u want a divorce then tell him tht its not possible any more to live with him....U r a muslim and islam give all women the right to choose their path....its not sm boundness to ruin ur own life coz u care for him....dont......be brave and try to make a decision.

God help those who help themselves...

I would appreciate anyones comments and advise. I want happiness and stability in life. So I got married but not happy because my life is dull and lonely.

I am looking forward to get work permit so I can work and make my life better. I have used up my savings to help my husband. He needs me more than I need him.

I want to be a good wife, but I also want to have my own exciiting life. But I live in a simple rent apartment, I am not allowed to learn how to drive, no better home unless I work hard and pay myself. I cant have exciting life, life is just basic wife at home.

He needs me more than I need him. I buy him things, and help in household expenses until I am broke. I care for him but I am tired of his stubboness, ungratefulness and rudeness,although he is gnerally kind. I am a good wife to him than he a good husband to me.

Many times I wish I could leave him and be on my own, but I am ashame and afraid. Most of all I would feel guilty. I wish i could be VERY SELFISH right now. and just pack and try meet a friend who just came in usa with her daughter who is studying. I know I will break his heart terribly, I wish I cou;ld tell him in face that I will pay him, to soothe his heart and tell him to find another women, so he wont be crazy with broken heart.

Only God knows, how I wish I can be brave and selfish and seek stability on my own, without any men who only make my life complicated.

Tell me how I can be selfish, how can I save him from grief that I cannot help him anymore, because I need to help myself.

conuse and trap

thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankx

paradisehug wrote:thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankx

For what?

sakina, a good wife will stick with the husband even in difficult situation, for good for bad in sickness and health. the vow and commitment have no meaning for you? after all you chose to be in this path with him (by taking advantage of him for getting green card?).
unless you were forced to get married with him or your husband abuses you physically.
keywords:
communication communication communication
commitment commitment commitment

xty wrote:sakina, a good wife will stick with the husband even in difficult situation, for good for bad in sickness and health. the vow and commitment have no meaning for you? after all you chose to be in this path with him (by taking advantage of him for getting green card?).
unless you were forced to get married with him or your husband abuses you physically.
keywords:
communication communication communication
commitment commitment commitment

I am sorry for not agreein wht u have just said....is this rule apply on men too?????

Its not abt commitment tht one shud made her life hell coz she is comitted...


Its all about mutual love and understandin of each others space.....

If she feels bad and she is suffering so she has a full right to end this and Our religion also gives her a right to get out of this miserable situation....

life has so many surprises for us and it doesn't go so smooth as we plan it so its her right to deciede and dont talk abt tht stickness....marriage and love is abt freedom and trust,,,,not sticking...

How long have you been married?
At what stage of your green card application are you?
You can go to the INS website, they explain in what circumstances you can start the divorce procedures and still get your green card.

You are saying you have no place to go, but there are plenty of women associations in the States who would welcome you. They have temporary shelters and legal advice for women in your situation. They might also be able to raise some money to help you with a plane ticket.

Regarding the money, if your husband is your sponsor, he has to pay you a minimum. Check your visa application...

I am really sorry about all you're going through, my heart goes to you...

If there are a lot of good things about your husband and you still care for him, please do try to communicate with him. If you think he is keeping you in a more submissive role (no driving license, no job, no studies etc) in order to keep some kind of control or increased power over you, then you need to change that. Sign yourself up for driving lessons/tests and start some work or studies if you want to. Insist on access to all financial information so that you know what is happening with your money. If you become more self-sufficient it can change the current lack of balance in the relationship and he should hopefully change his attitude. A woman who can drive herself places, make her own money, or increase her knowledge definitely gains more power than one who doesn't.

I had issues with my husband when changing countries for his job, and then starting a family. We had to talk about the change in attitude that sometimes flared up... I understand that a woman doesn't want to be disrespected when looking after domestic affairs and making less or no money than her husband. Marriage isn't easy, and the dynamics can change from one year to the next.

Thanks for some of you understand. my marriage was ok - cool for a week than he treat me stupid again, tell me that we may move to kansas state, i refuse because of terrible weather there, but he refuse to have matured discussion - always tell me to shut up!!?? i am a grown women, quite aged already yet he treat me without brain. how can i build my American dream? I am not selfish, i hope to pay him if and when i have made some. I will always care and love him, but clearly many times that he is not a right life partner for me, cannot be a team.
the problem is that ALLAH guide us for a clean divorce, a green card to earn living by myself, he being cool about losing me (someone useful) in a courteous goodbye.

I pray that ALLAH will guide both of us to be patient and treat each other courteous although we have no future to live together.

I seek Allah help to protect him from closed minded frustration that may be spark by satan. I am fed up of my marriage but i dont want to hate him. I hope he is cool heart to accept it.

one point of advice;

First things first. The job market in America is very weak, so it may be required for you to move to Kansas state. This may well improve your husbands ability to get a job!'

Offcourse, your relation won't improve by that move. But it better to keep money and bread on the table, instead of living on the streets.

Think about this, before you act in a foreign country without green card.