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I think there should be a leaflet included with every visa this country issues.


The concept is quite complex, so it should be explained:

TOILET INSTRUCTIONS:

1)Enter the facility
2)Utilize which ever porcelain appliance you require at that moment
*if a seated position is assumed, please ensure buttocks are the closest thing to the water rather than shoes/feet
3)Ensure any fluids and solids exiting your body are deposited in the porcelain appliance with as minimal spillage as possible (if female proceed to instruction #7 at this point)
*we ARE aware that the occasional drop will not meet it's target, especially when using the STANDING appliance, however solids MUST reach their intended splash-down
4)Eye contact is not permissible while using a standing appliance, you should always maintain focus on the task-at-hand or you may be in default of instruction number 3.
5)Visual confirmation of the size/shape/girth/colour/head dress (or lack thereof) of the gent using the appliance next to you is strictly prohibited.
6)A one-appliance buffer is preferred when approaching another gent using the standing appliance. When faced with a bank of 10 appliances and only one current user, there is no need to go beside him and potentially violate instructions #4 and 5 as well.
7)Cleanse bodily appendages and orifices thoroughly and carefully in this order:

a)orifices
b)appendages

Soap is required when washing hands after your mission is complete
9)Dry hands using paper towels or electric hand dryer
10)At this point you may adjust your hair, tie, makeup, etc.
11)Ensure nothing is stuck to your shoes that may have been left on the ground by one not having these instructions.
*the assumption is made that you have footwear on at this time
12)Exit the facility

Not too tricky, right? Then:

stop standing on the seat
stop spraying the whole bathroom with the ass hose
stop singing/moaning/whatever that noise is
stop talking on your mobile
stop washing your mops in the sink
stop pissing on the floors/walls/seats/shoes
stop looking at my unit
stop staring at me/others
stop having conversations with your friends in the cubicles
stop trying to have conversations with me
stop doing your dishes in there
stop blowing your snot in the sink
stop hocking up loogies
stop hanging out in there (what is wrong with you?)
stop wiping your fluids on your clothes

start washing your hands
start paying attention to where you are going
start making the right choice in appliances for the appropriate task
start turning the tap off when you are done
start drying your hands so the door handle isn't wet

Please consider these instructions as a courtesy next time you pop a squat. If I can help just ONE (1) person with their disability, I will be happy.

NEXT WEEKS LESSON: "Deodorant: Do I need it?"

9)Dry hands using paper towels or electric hand dryer

Pls. do use considerable amount of paper towels to dry your hands...others have to dry theirs too. And throw in the bin and not on the floor when finish drying.

and what inspired you to write this piece?

spoonman wrote:and what inspired you to write this piece?

Maybe he was just having a ****** day.

spoonman wrote:and what inspired you to write this piece?

1. the bathroom in my office looks like something from a prison
2. I am bored today and thought I would contribute a thought-provoking article
3. this forum is to help people. If people follow the instructions, it helps EVERYONE. Nice, eh?
4. I firmly believe there are people out there that don't know that it is poor taste to go out of your way to check out another guy's package.
5. I want a clean, quiet environment when nature calls

Well I have to say the toilet manners of some people in this country are simply appalling. And there are some really gross habits aswell.

dubaidog wrote: 4. I firmly believe there are people out there that don't know that it is poor taste to go out of your way to check out another guy's package.

Reminds me of an old story,

This guy had a girlfriend named WENDY so he decided to tatoo her name on his package. When his package was "happy" it read "WENDY" othewise when not happy and resting it just read "WY". One day he was at the urinal and noticed this big black guy next to him. He noticed that his packaged also read "WY" so he says "your girlfriend's name must be named Wendy also because I tatooed her name and now, like yours it reads "WY". The guys next to him said "No, mine when it is happy reads - "WELCOME TO JAMAICA AND HAVE A VERY NICE DAY"

dubaidog wrote:1. the bathroom in my office looks like something from a prison

This is norm in every public toilet in every office building here...which makes you think if people knew what social etiquette is all about..

Our office building had a pipe-in music in the toliet and with a big post instructing users how to use toilets properly.

spoonman wrote:and what inspired you to write this piece?

Case in point: When I go to someone's home and use their facilities, I make sure I follow the instructions. Even extra care to ensure there is not water on the counter, the "guest towels" maintain their crisp appearance, etc.

Some installation people were at my house the other day who were "not of my lineage". After they left, the bathroom looked like a water fight took place. I mean, WTF were they doing with the ass hose that soaked my bathroom (I had to mop) yet they were dry? They clearly did not wash their hands, but wiped dirt on the towels, and yet managed to get water all over the mirror,counter and my excellent collection of reading material.

reviewer wrote:

dubaidog wrote:Our office building had a pipe-in music in the toliet and with a big post instructing users how to use toilets properly.

What I find shocking is that based on your post it would appear that at least at one time you had a job! What's the world coming to...

ing but true:

saw a waitress of PizzaHut to use the toilet and go straight back to serving the customers without washing her hands .... quite shocking to be honest ...

this has been discussed before :S dont u guys get it the toilet is used for baptizing

Worked once at an office and of course one toilet was always soaked. After some logic, somebody found out it was caused by a particular guy. Appeared the guy had problems bcs of a piercing...

Oh yes, as pointed out earlier, I also notice that a lot of people working in commercial kitchens donot wash their hands.

if its annoying you so much just leave a big note on the door. its simple. just make sure no1 is watching u when you put the door on the note

Sorry.. but it isn't that bad.

I lived for 2 years in central china where public bathrooms were usually filled with mounds of warm, steaming, reeking feces, flies, and no toilet paper so you would always carry your own..

When you would travel by bus across the province, your bathroom break may have included standing on two bricks and contributing to the local "night soil."

where kids did not wear any kind of diapers, but instead had crotchless pants, and would just squat down in the middle of the sidewalk and do their business.. or better yet have the parents hold the young child in the position so they could pee/poo on the sidewalk.

The vast majority of the bathrooms here are at least western style, they don't openly smell of feces (almost making you vomit), and usually they have TP.

Yes they can be messy, and I for one have no idea exactly what they use that hose for, because you are right it looks like they try to spray the walls... But compared to central china... not a problem.

dubaidog wrote:4. I firmly believe there are people out there that don't know that it is poor taste to go out of your way to check out another guy's package.

Though I firmly believe in this one. Again I point to china. Everytime I went to use a public toilet, or the two bricks if necessary there would be a crowd forming to see my package.

Now I'm just an average caucasian male. All the attention is kind of disconcerting. I had one of my students teach me the chinese for, "if you are going to keep staring like that you should be paying me 5 RMB."

That would usually embarass the individuals there.

But my students explained it to me as a "you are from a different culture, you are a different color, your are fixed down there, so they want to see if you are bigger, shaped different, etc..."

china is different. china is small and the population is HUGE. UAE is not so crowded like china and we still got plenty of desert . mind you been to many third world countries where I have seen ppl take a dump on the road yes ON THE ROAD. and if you take their pics they dont get offended but they smile .

Stop washing feet in the sink/lavatory.
Stop using hand shower to wash feet while inside the toilet cubicle. The toilet floods and can cause accident.

Be conscious and considerate with the toilet cleaners.

Concord wrote:Reminds me of an old story,

This guy had a girlfriend named WENDY so he decided to tatoo her name on his package. When his package was "happy" it read "WENDY" othewise when not happy and resting it just read "WY". One day he was at the urinal and noticed this big black guy next to him. He noticed that his packaged also read "WY" so he says "your girlfriend's name must be named Wendy also because I tatooed her name and now, like yours it reads "WY". The guys next to him said "No, mine when it is happy reads - "WELCOME TO JAMAICA AND HAVE A VERY NICE DAY"

oy!

Didn't you over-share with us once and admitted that yours is tattooed with: WYSIWYG ?

I saw 2 guys going into one toilet last night in a club. I was like.. eh. wtf.. came back again for my next round after half an hr.. n saw this time the same 2 guys.. wait.. they r now 5 guys going in to the toilet together and only one had waited in the queue..
its another thing whether they are gay or not but to make others wait is plain arrogance... and to damage the toilet like that with toilet paper everywhere n water,pee n soap sprayed all over.. ehmmm

rudeboy wrote:china is different. china is small and the population is HUGE.

Yes china is different. It is NOT small. It is roughly the same size as the US. The problem is that most folks are very provincial, and many of them never move beyond 100 miles from where they were born.

and in central china, a non chinese foreigner is very rare. So you will have people come up to you and ask to take your picture. LOTS of people. (I had over 500 in one day. And I started charging 5 rmb per person after #50 and they still wanted their picture take with me)

But we digress....

The original rant was against how some people seem unable to use the toilet w/out soaking the walls, floors, and seem incapable of actually getting "it" IN the toilet.

Concord wrote:

reviewer wrote:

dubaidog wrote:Our office building had a pipe-in music in the toliet and with a big post instructing users how to use toilets properly.

What I find shocking is that based on your post it would appear that at least at one time you had a job! What's the world coming to...

Well, looks like you're on again to your drag show...keep it up....
By the way it never shocks us anymore......pity you...

rudeboy wrote:china is different. china is small and the population is HUGE. UAE is not so crowded like china and we still got plenty of desert . mind you been to many third world countries where I have seen ppl take a dump on the road yes ON THE ROAD. and if you take their pics they dont get offended but they smile .

Reminds of the quiet rice paddys..but plenty of pancakes underneath....

freza wrote:

Concord wrote:Reminds me of an old story,

This guy had a girlfriend named WENDY so he decided to tatoo her name on his package. When his package was "happy" it read "WENDY" othewise when not happy and resting it just read "WY". One day he was at the urinal and noticed this big black guy next to him. He noticed that his packaged also read "WY" so he says "your girlfriend's name must be named Wendy also because I tatooed her name and now, like yours it reads "WY". The guys next to him said "No, mine when it is happy reads - "WELCOME TO JAMAICA AND HAVE A VERY NICE DAY"

oy!

Didn't you over-share with us once and admitted that yours is tattooed with: WYSIWYG ?

Good memory Freza but I thought it was more like,

WYSIWYG

You forgot that I wrote "she might only know from MAC"

p.s1 the forum only allows font 24. I was looking for font 319... oh well..

p.s2 I undestand MAC is being contacted...