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UNDERSTANDING MEN


"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a
real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner
was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but
will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you
just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more
outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........


After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring And preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to Browse.



One day Mrs. Fenton received the
following letter from her local

Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,


Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a Commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr Fenton were caught on our security cameras.


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 Minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official Voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted Area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told Other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows And blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began Crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as A mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he Asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly Humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed Through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he Assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least,

15 December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited Awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper In here!'

Regards,

Wal-Mart

yawwnzzz ..

UNDERSTANDING MEN - EDITED BY A MAN


"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "You really wouldn't understand, even if I explained. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it - go on and make the dinner (see next)."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "I will get the salt an pepper out."

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: "Yes you have already told me the same thing 54 times (in the last half an hour)".

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "And then you would still have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a
real babe (and thats the 55th time you have said the same thing in the last half an hour)."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
Yes you got one right.

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
Yes two in a row right.

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "When you tell me for the 56th time my eyes glaze over and my brain goes into shutdown mode to stop my ears from bleeding, so how would I remember."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "I am going away with the lads for a weeks holiday (dont worry I'm not asking you til tomorrow)."


"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "A bit of sympathy and a BJ wouldn't go amiss."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "I really have no interest in the G spot anyway."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "You found out about the lads week away?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "For the 57th time."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "Bacause since I met you I have put on 5 stone and become a total slob."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Just put the stockings on."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "The middle of nowhere."

Nice ones!

Here is some thoughts 'bout men & women: (copied)

Women could never invent weapons that kill, only ones that make you feel really bad and guilty until you surrender

Men can watch an entire film without having to ask who is that, what does he do?

A man can choose and buy a pair of shoes in 90 seconds over the internet.

Men can drive without having to look at themselves in the mirror.

Women make lists upon lists of things for men to do when they know very well we will never do them.

Men CAN get a bus through there!

Women keep carrier bags hidden away in a cupboard. They even keep carrier bags within carrier bags.!

Men look at going down the gym as a physical activity, to women it is a social event.

Women think that a good place to keep the TV controller is on top of the TV.

Women order rice and eat men's chips.

Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed.

Women have the ability to brain dump their entire day when they get home - men can only remember that it went OK


Women have the If you need to be told I am not going to tell you gene

Men like to have all their stuff (DVDs, CDs, etc) on show to impress their mates. Women like to hide things in cupboards.

Men appreciate the importance of a 42 inch plasma screen. Women do not.

So true... I would not let my husband leave Sharaf with the 42" Plasma... I wanted the 50" AND Full HD...
Don't tar us all with the same brush boys!