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It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the
annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest
service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was
killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was
attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real
rocket scientist.. HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every
one of these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:

Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and
he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion
and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.


Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to
use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a
bunch of these straps together, w rapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and
hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.
"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."


Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and
a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
hospitalized.


Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the
building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the
gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration,
none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of
the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object
that resembled a cigarette lighter Upon operation of the
lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as
''bright'' by his peers.

Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but
it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.Police
investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur
rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and
found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO
unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO !
The facts as best as could be determined are that the
operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of
approximately 3.0 m iles from the crash site. This was established by the
scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum
thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in
excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25
seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced
G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full
afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of
the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway
for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and
completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an
additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125
feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the
driver's remains were not r ecoverable. However, small fragments of
bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail
and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a
portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained
a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was
not actually on the ground.


You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND CAN VOTE - SCARY, ISN'T IT?

sage & onion wrote:. . . then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles . . .

Oh, man, that is just genius.