Sometimes we think about absolutely nothing, while other times we are lost in a thought so powerful it could change tides. But most of the time, we are thinking about one of the following great male truths.
Despite having no training or experience, we could drive a Formula 1 car -- and win.
We've watched them do it for years -- Senna, Schumacher, Hakkinen. They're guys just like us; we figure the only difference is that they have expensive cars. How many times have we made short work of a long, empty strip of highway? Even though a Formula 1 car is a sophisticated piece of machinery that requires physical and mental toning to operate, we men are pretty darn sure it can be tamed after a couple of practice rounds. But don't give us a Minardi; anything from a Renault up should be just fine. Then all that's left is to pop it on a top ten grid position. Easy.
Given the time to train and the financial injection, we could be Batman.
What separates Batman from Superman is that Batman is actually quite possible. He's just a regular guy (no superpowers) who was pushed to the edge, so he trained his whole life to become a champion fighter and detective, using his sickeningly huge fortune to build gadgets and a cool car. What's so hard about that? We all have underwear we can wear on top of our pants. Becoming a superhero is very possible, and we guys know we could do it if we really wanted to. The only catch is that we'd have to be odiously rich and willing to sacrifice our lives in order to turn into crime-fighting machines. Not a problem… if we wanted to.
We could be models if we really wanted to.
We all feel like we could just stand there as a hyperactive photographer eagerly encourages us to look even more disinterested and bored than we already are. Most guys will look in the mirror on a good day and wonder why they have not yet been approached to model the latest aftershave or tight-fitting jeans. After all, we work out and we have clean teeth. We could settle for a cushy job that involves standing around looking sulky in clothes so valuable that they could buy a Third World country food for a year. We're just waiting to sign on the dotted line…
Given the chance to get to know us, all supermodels and actresses would swoon.
As an institution, men are quite misunderstood. Often perceived as rude, childish cretins, we are frequently subjected to public lashings regarding our many inadequacies. However, deep down, every man is incredibly confident that, given the time and exposure, any woman would eventually fall for him. And this is not only restricted to the mundane; we believe wholeheartedly that, after a few dates, the world's most gorgeous models and sexiest actresses would swoon before our sparkling charm. With our well-rounded sense of humor and impressive general knowledge, who wouldn't melt?
We need more gadgets.
Ever since we found that pointy rock millions of years ago, us guys can never have enough gadgets. We sit for hours reveling in how perfect life would be with an upgraded, thermo-powered shoe buffer. And as soon as we have the latest model of any electronic device, we start thinking about shopping around the next weekend to see if it's still the best. We may have two healthy arms and legs and a functioning brain, but life's just better when something with an infrared sensor does it for you.
We can fix anything.
Whether the toaster had a nuclear meltdown or the car got caught in an avalanche, there is nothing men can't fix. Even if it's not broken, we can make it better than it was before. But give us time. Like brain surgery, fixing something requires concentration, patience and frequent TV and beer breaks. Look at the Six Million Dollar Man... we fixed him up real good! All we need are some screwdrivers and an unlimited supply of power tools, and we'll make anything better than new.
So despite what our significant others say, we are not deluded. These thoughts of superiority are what led to the invention of the light bulb, the computer and edible underwear. Without our crazy imaginations, the world would be pretty boring... so keep dreaming, guys.
Pump Esco
y small town that had frequent dust storms and two or three trees...
