Dubai Forums Dubai Discussions Dubai General Chat

HEALTH ADVICE

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable slop
.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements,
so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a
beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If
you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel
good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets. Have a cookie ... flour is a veggie!

"When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."

My new "diet" starts today.

wow!! ..i should stop doin situps then..oh oh oh ..N MORE CHOCOLATES!! YEY!!! ..now i can sleep peacefully .

Hmmm very interesting...so the bottom line really is.... Eat plenty of junk food and don't exercise...heheheheh

You better put this in the jokes section before someone things this is really medical advice

mraph33 wrote:You better put this in the jokes section before someone things this is really medical advice

i dont think ppl are THAT DUMB to actully belive this..lol.

d3vilish_ang3l_88 wrote:

mraph33 wrote:You better put this in the jokes section before someone things this is really medical advice

i dont think ppl are THAT DUMB to actully belive this..lol.

You will be surprised. It is not dumb but some people lack common sense

sara_uk wrote:

d3vilish_ang3l_88 wrote:

mraph33 wrote:You better put this in the jokes section before someone things this is really medical advice

i dont think ppl are THAT DUMB to actully belive this..lol.

You will be surprised. It is not dumb but some people lack common sense

especially in dubai ... where u can explain somethin to someone for an hour and at the end of it they just look at you with this blank stare an say EHHH ( u know that noise them malbari's make ) like HUH OR EHHH .. u all know wat i mean . hahaha

Jamal wrote:

sara_uk wrote:

d3vilish_ang3l_88 wrote:

mraph33 wrote:You better put this in the jokes section before someone things this is really medical advice

i dont think ppl are THAT DUMB to actully belive this..lol.

You will be surprised. It is not dumb but some people lack common sense

especially in dubai ... where u can explain somethin to someone for an hour and at the end of it they just look at you with this blank stare an say EHHH ( u know that noise them malbari's make ) like HUH OR EHHH .. u all know wat i mean . hahaha

hehehe..true true...n it gets soo damn annoying...u want to jus smack their face

hahaha .. yea u feel me.

there is a jokes section

mraph33 wrote:You better put this in the jokes section before someone things this is really medical advice

yeah But maybe the writer of those lines only wants to express his opinion that sacrificing a lot when it comes to losing weight is not worth the trouble. Come to think of it we only have this life to enjoy, live it!