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What you say about this? Is it ok in this times or not?

I don't tolerate it and I don't understand it and I seriously don't believe in it.

lol wow, what a great topic to start with....

burkan, can you clarify your reasons please?

Most western societies have multiple wives and husbands in practice these days.

There is a term 'common law spouse' in English law which gives rights to partners who have not actually had a legal marriage ceremony, but who in practice have lived together and effectively been married.

Living with multiple partners in a recognised relationship that is registered is not common, but have serial relationships and multiple relationships is. This, in my view, is polygamy in practice if not name.

Therefore, I believe that polygamy is taking place around the world and in most cases it is to the detriment of the women involved (whether you are the main girlfriend or first wife). Those who have the courage to publically marry a second wife, are actually giving the second woman rights and doing things in open that others do in private/hiding.

I believe that society is better off when people are in a monogamous relationships, whether you have a registered wedding or not. I also believe in exceptional cases the allowing of polygamy is better than the alternative course of having a mistress/fling/bit-on-the-side.

Cheers,
Shafique

shafique wrote:Most western societies have multiple wives and husbands in practice these days.

There is a term 'common law spouse' in English law which gives rights to partners who have not actually had a legal marriage ceremony, but who in practice have lived together and effectively been married.

Living with multiple partners in a recognised relationship that is registered is not common, but have serial relationships and multiple relationships is. This, in my view, is polygamy in practice if not name.

Therefore, I believe that polygamy is taking place around the world and in most cases it is to the detriment of the women involved (whether you are the main girlfriend or first wife). Those who have the courage to publically marry a second wife, are actually giving the second woman rights and doing things in open that others do in private/hiding.

I believe that society is better off when people are in a monogamous relationships, whether you have a registered wedding or not. I also believe in exceptional cases the allowing of polygamy is better than the alternative course of having a mistress/fling/bit-on-the-side.

Cheers,
Shafique

good point!

abdalrasheed wrote:What you say about this? Is it ok in this times or not?

I'll have my economic point of view. If you're an average income man, it is not OK to have more than one marriage. Everything will just be in chaos.

Have one relationship and make it work. I would still prefer monogamous relationship.

shafique wrote:Most western societies have multiple wives and husbands in practice these days.

There is a term 'common law spouse' in English law which gives rights to partners who have not actually had a legal marriage ceremony, but who in practice have lived together and effectively been married.

Living with multiple partners in a recognised relationship that is registered is not common, but have serial relationships and multiple relationships is. This, in my view, is polygamy in practice if not name.

Therefore, I believe that polygamy is taking place around the world and in most cases it is to the detriment of the women involved (whether you are the main girlfriend or first wife). Those who have the courage to publically marry a second wife, are actually giving the second woman rights and doing things in open that others do in private/hiding.

I believe that society is better off when people are in a monogamous relationships, whether you have a registered wedding or not. I also believe in exceptional cases the allowing of polygamy is better than the alternative course of having a mistress/fling/bit-on-the-side.

Cheers,
Shafique

In sociolgy and social psychology the term is called "serial monogomy"

my grandfather had 2 wifes, first was his nationality second (my garnny)was german...she wasn't happy coz all her life the first wife wished her death, and spoilt all her life she evn beated her once LOL...so i can say from my grandparents' experience its not good.

noni wrote:In sociolgy and social psychology the term is called "serial monogomy"

That's having one relationship after another - what do you call it when you have multiple partners?

(I call it cheating or adultery, depending on whether you're married or not)

Cheers,

Shafique

asc_26 wrote:

abdalrasheed wrote:What you say about this? Is it ok in this times or not?

I'll have my economic point of view. If you're an average income man, it is not OK to have more than one marriage. Everything will just be in chaos.

Have one relationship and make it work. I would still prefer monogamous relationship.

You are right. Even in the religion where it is permitted it is the main condition that if you can not make justice with all of them then you shoul stick to one.

bonitta wrote:my grandfather had 2 wifes, first was his nationality second (my garnny)was german...she wasn't happy coz all her life the first wife wished her death, and spoilt all her life she evn beated her once LOL...so i can say from my grandparents' experience its not good.

You are right bonitta this happens. But you know in your grand parents case 2nd marriage was not bad but the one who beat your grand ma.

I think religious laws are not bad but we people are one who make them unimplementable by own behaviours.

abdalrasheed wrote:

asc_26 wrote:

abdalrasheed wrote:What you say about this? Is it ok in this times or not?

I'll have my economic point of view. If you're an average income man, it is not OK to have more than one marriage. Everything will just be in chaos.

Have one relationship and make it work. I would still prefer monogamous relationship.

You are right. Even in the religion where it is permitted it is the main condition that if you can not make justice with all of them then you shoul stick to one.

And marriage is not just about eating shawarma.

than what is it like? asc_26

Having a wife is more than just having a female to have s.e.x with. Marriage is a commitment to share your life, home and finances with someone, and take responsibility for helping to raise any children that come as a result of the relationship. "Western" society being more allowing of multiple s.e.x.ual partners outside of an official commitment to someone is not the equivalent of multiple marriage. I don't know anyone coming from my culture who lives common-law or is officially married to more than one woman at the same time. Even if multiple marriage was permitted, women should be allowed to marry more than one man, not just men being allowed to marry more than one woman. There should be equality. The idea of multiple wives comes from patriarchal societies where men want to be allowed multiple s.e.x.ual partners without being considered "unfaithful", and also produce more children, which is a status symbol and proof of virility.

kanelli wrote:Having a wife is more than just having a female to have s.e.x with. Marriage is a commitment to share your life, home and finances with someone, and take responsibility for helping to raise any children that come as a result of the relationship.

In France and other countries, mistresses are common among those who can afford them and are openly kept. In the UK and America, this still takes place, but not openly - there are many 'kept women' out there, and many absentee fathers. These relationships are tantamount to polygamy - only they don't have legality of a recognised marriage.

Even among the lower social classes, there are many absentee fathers and men with children with a number of different women. The rise in numbers of 'Single parent families' and the number of children being born out of wedlock is a well publicised phenomenon. Again, I think that many of these can be viewed as polygamous if the man has more than one woman sharing his life.

kanelli wrote: "Western" society being more allowing of multiple s.e.x.ual partners outside of an official commitment to someone is not the equivalent of multiple marriage. I don't know anyone coming from my culture who lives common-law or is officially married to more than one woman at the same time.

Do you mean you don't know them personally, or you have never heard of politicians, musicians etc having multiple 'kept' women/mistresses? Common law does not necessarily mean co-habiting, but can also mean being responsible for the upkeep of the household.

kanelli wrote: Even if multiple marriage was permitted, women should be allowed to marry more than one man, not just men being allowed to marry more than one woman. There should be equality. The idea of multiple wives comes from patriarchal societies where men want to be allowed multiple s.e.x.ual partners without being considered "unfaithful", and also produce more children, which is a status symbol and proof of virility.

In some societies women do marry multiple men - however these are few examples. The main problem with multiple male partners is the issue of paternity of offspring.

Historically there have been many times when there have been a shortage of men in a society, particularly after wars. That is one circumstance where polygamy is better than the alternative of having many women go unmarried. There are other circumstances where polygamy also makes sense - and is not necessarily only a status symbol or proof of virility.

In my view, it's a brave man that takes on a second wife!



Cheers,
Shafique

Actually, cheating and keeping other people on the side happens all over the world in every culture, not just in the West. Are we not dealing with the standard definition of marriage and common-law, meaning two people co-habitating and possessing official status of their commitment through documents like legal and religious marriage certificates or living together long enough to fall under legal frameworks (e.g. common-law)? As far as I know, having a mistress is not common-law because the man does not live with her every day and therefore would not legally fall under the framework for common-law.

While Islam allowed divorce, the Christian church was more resistant - precisely for the reason that they wanted to keep families together and have the couple work things out. They saw this as being in the best interest of society to avoid too many cases of single-parent families etc. It has turned out that many single-parent families exist today, but that is life. Women having access to good education and being allowed to participate in the workforce means that they can support themselves and any children they are left to raise alone. That is certainly a good thing. In polygamous relationships I find it hard to believe that a man can truly be there to support and raise so many children. He'd be spending so much time making enough money to financially support everyone. In essence, the women raising the children are pretty much doing it themselves anyway... sounds like single-parenting to me.

In cultures that accept women marrying more than one husband, the paternity of offspring shouldn't matter because there are likely laws e.g. about property ownership etc. that wouldn't rely on who the father is. Women are supposed to accept the other children from multiple wives and in some cultures they are raising the children together, the same should be expected from the men as well. In modern times genetic testing can be used to determine paternity, if it is deemed important.

In old times a shortage of men would have been a problem since men were the breadwinners, but nowadays women don't need to marry because they can work to support themselves, and they can find husbands elsewhere. Simply giving women more choices than marriage and producing children reduces the need for them to consider marriage with a man who already has some wives. I don't really see any other advantages to polygamy. One man and one woman balance out - too many men or too many women is not balanced and makes for lots of problems, in my opinion. Indeed, people who take on more than one husband or wife have guts!

It's good to hear your views kanelli.

Much food for thought.

Your last paragraph is one I would use for Islam allowing polygamy for the instances where it does make sense, rather than outlawing it completely. Islam doesn't say that we should all marry 4 wives (thank God! - but lays the strict guidelines down for a polygamous relationship.

In general, women are empowered in Islam compared - as we have discussed ad nauseum.

Similarly for Divorce, allowing divorce is not the same as advocating divorce or saying that monogamous, nuclear families aren't the ideal social unit. Islam puts a lot of emphasis on family - as you can see in the practice muslims around you. Islam allowed women to divorce their husbands - this was seen as an outrage.


Cheers,
Shafique

Yes, in fact, I would say that family is emphasised quite a bit amongst most devoutly religious people of every faith, and people who are spiritual if not necessarily "religious". The less spiritual people seem to be the ones that more easily lose sight of the importance of a healthy family life. If money or one's own personal satisfaction are put first then it can leave the family in a bit of a mess.

why never topic is one woman with many husbands?

MAC wrote:why never topic is one woman with many husbands?

Then start a thread about it.

it has already been discussed

Bleakus wrote:it has already been discussed

Really? Give us link dude.

lol a woman with so many husbands i dont think she would be a good wife i mean whose chores is she gonna do heheh

rudeboy wrote:lol a woman with so many husbands i dont think she would be a good wife i mean whose chores is she gonna do heheh

Same with man with lots of wives, whose chores he would help? It will confused him more.

y would a man wanna have so many wives. i mean one wife is ENOUGH for him. hearing her complain all da time. oh i dont want this oh i want that oh i want money oh i want that oh i want this UFFFFFf a man who marrys more then once is a bloody fool.

Really?! Or you're just trying to flatter asc? Aren't yah?

what happens if a man has more than one women who love him? what is he supposed to do?

love da one dat loves him da most

[quote="shafique"]Most western societies have multiple wives and husbands in practice these days.

Sorry, but I think that 'most' is a gross exaggeration. You are painting a very unfair and stereotypical picture of Western society.