Dubai Forums Dubai Discussions Dubai Romance

Interesting article from Gulf News.

The underlying thread is that Emirati men are free to marry who they like, but an Emirati woman must marry only an Emirati man, leaving 30,000 frustrated local ladies! This never even considers the concept of human attraction, freedom of choice or that horrible 4 letter word 'L.O.V.E.'

Maybe these policy makers should look a little further than their own bigoted chauvenistic noses to discover the solution?

Dubai: The rise in Emirati men marrying foreigners has led to an increase of 20 per cent in compatriot spinsters, a forum has heard.
The forum was organised to discuss the rising number of Emiratis who are marrying foreign women, and the effect such marriages are having on Emirati identity.
According to recent figures collated by the Dubai Statistics Centre, a total of 30.7 per cent of marriages which took place in the first half of 2010 were between Emirati men and foreigners. This number had risen from 26.3 per cent in 2006.
Jamal Obaid Al Bah, Chairman of the Arab Family Organisation, said: "Due to the fast shift in the UAE from being a tribal community to an urban environment, a lot of changes have occurred and especially to the institution of marriage".
"The UAE achieved great leaps, but without considering social changes or protection laws of the institution of marriage," he said.
"The UAE culture also did not do justice to Emirati women, where the case of an Emirati man marrying a foreign woman is reluctantly accepted. Emirati women are forbidden to marry foreign men. This injustice and the rise of Emirati men marrying foreign women have forced 30,000 Emirati women into spinsterhood."
The forum also examined the religious aspect of the issue, and stated what was religiously accepted and forbidden when it came to marrying foreign women.
Dr Ahmad Bin Abdul Aziz Al Haddad, Grand Mufti at the Islamic Affairs and Charitable Activities Department, said: "The concept of a ‘foreign woman' must be defined. You have foreign women who are people of the book [belonging to divine religions] such as Christianity and Judaism, these women are not forbidden to be married to. But women who do not belong to these religions are forbidden to be married to. Also social interests must always come before personal interests; especially if it was in the benefit of the country".
A recent survey conducted by Al Itihad newspaper said one of the main reasons why Emirati men decided to marry foreign women was the rising expenses of marriages and dowries. Other reasons included avoiding arranged marriages, seeking more liberty and freedom when marrying a foreign woman, and the fact that the Emirati community didn't allow enough time for couples to be properly acquainted before a marriage.
Lieutenant General Dahi Khalfan Tamim, Chief of Dubai Police, said: "Marrying a foreign woman is a method of escaping singlehood by Emirati men".
"Many Emirati men cannot afford the extravagant expenses that the Emirati bride or her family might require," he said.
"I address parents with this message and tell them that they should avoid these superficialities and look at marriages as a method to bring two people together instead of an excuse to show off."
The discussion forum took place on Sunday evening under the patronage of Lt General Dahi Khalfan and organised by the Juveniles Welfare Association.
Special permission
A proposal in regard to the laws that regulate the marriage of Emirati men to foreign women has been prepared, although it has not yet been approved. The law will include obtaining a special permission to marry from the Ministry of Interiors. Permission will only be granted if the marriage meets criteria such as:
1. The wife must be Arab and Muslim.
2. The husband must not be married to any other woman at the time.
3. The age difference should not exceed 25 years.
4. The husband must be financially capable of supporting the woman.
5. The couple must be free of any hereditary or sexually transmitted diseases.
6. The wife must not be banned from entering the country for any reason

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No consideration for the female point of view at all!



Knight

As local men are marrying women from other countries, but local women are not, what else can happen except, except a lot of women won't be able to find local husbands.

Polygamy is a partial 'solution' to this, except that women are unlikely be happy with sharing their husband, and while polygamy seems to be accessable for the ruling class, it's a lot more difficult for the middle class for a man two support two wives and increasing participation in education just provides a growning middle class.

It's difficult to argue with simple mathematics - a lot of Emerati women will have to remain spinsters.

blueshift wrote:As local men are marrying women from other countries, but local women are not, what else can happen except, except a lot of women won't be able to find local husbands.

Polygamy is a partial 'solution' to this, except that women are unlikely be happy with sharing their husband, and while polygamy seems to be accessable for the ruling class, it's a lot more difficult for the middle class for a man two support two wives and increasing participation in education just provides a growning middle class.

It's difficult to argue with simple mathematics - a lot of Emerati women will have to remain spinsters.

OR

Instead of going through all this molarcy just let them marry who ever they please !

Here is my two penneth.
I think Emirati men find western women fasinating. In the past their circle of potential brides had come from cousins to daughters of family friends. A very small circle indeed, and who would want to marry their cousin, errr. Their world is now a different place and they see women who don't see their main aim in life to be 'find a husband and have a family' which as far as I can see is what most Muslim girls are all about.
My local friend appears to be fasinated with my lifestyle although he is always trying to convert me to Islam. He proposes marriage to me regularly which I always turn down and I hope he is resigned to the fact that we will only be friends. He likes the way i am financially independent of any man, have my own home, that I have a job and appear to have a brain ( which I'm sure many DFers will pipe up that they disagree). He finds local women tiresome. I think it is the dawn of a new era when they see that they don't have to be a cash cow for their ever increasing family.
He would like kids, I'd rather have a new BMW, we disagree on the Jew/Palestinian thing, he doesn't drink and I am partial to the odd bottle of Chardonnay but we get on well! I ofen ask him when he's going to get married and he always says 'Inshallah'. I can see the conroling thing of Muslim men raise it's ugly head occasionally, telling me how I'll ruin my health with drink etc and trying to tell me what to wear. LOL
I can see the benefits of men having more than 1 wife. I don't think it would bother me if I didn't see my husband 24/7. I quite like my own company and think of the excitement when you finally ger together! Never say never eh?

Bethsmum wrote:Here is my two penneth.
I think Emirati men find western women fasinating. In the past their circle of potential brides had come from cousins to daughters of family friends. A very small circle indeed, and who would want to marry their cousin, errr. Their world is now a different place and they see women who don't see their main aim in life to be 'find a husband and have a family' which as far as I can see is what most Muslim girls are all about.
My local friend appears to be fasinated with my lifestyle although he is always trying to convert me to Islam. He proposes marriage to me regularly which I always turn down and I hope he is resigned to the fact that we will only be friends. He likes the way i am financially independent of any man, have my own home, that I have a job and appear to have a brain ( which I'm sure many DFers will pipe up that they disagree). He finds local women tiresome. I think it is the dawn of a new era when they see that they don't have to be a cash cow for their ever increasing family.
He would like kids, I'd rather have a new BMW, we disagree on the Jew/Palestinian thing, he doesn't drink and I am partial to the odd bottle of Chardonnay but we get on well! I ofen ask him when he's going to get married and he always says 'Inshallah'. I can see the conroling thing of Muslim men raise it's ugly head occasionally, telling me how I'll ruin my health with drink etc and trying to tell me what to wear. LOL
I can see the benefits of men having more than 1 wife. I don't think it would bother me if I didn't see my husband 24/7. I quite like my own company and think of the excitement when you finally ger together! Never say never eh?

Is there anything you guys agree on?

Or that cannot be mentioned on an open, public forum!!!!!

Do you think we were disagreeing? I thought it was just expressing our own thoughts. DDS likes everything justified, so there I am justifying my opinion it's all fun no? BM, fat northern bird and lover of all things Emirati

Bethsmum wrote:Do you think we were disagreeing? I thought it was just expressing our own thoughts. DDS likes everything justified, so there I am justifying my opinion it's all fun no? BM, fat northern bird and lover of all things Emirati

I was talking about you and the local friend, not DDS!!!!

oh well, I was just tryimg to explain in my unique little way why I thought there were loads of local spinsters around. They really should up their game and not sit around waiting for some man to come and bank roll them for life. A lot of local men are now looking for something different. Hope I didn't offend you That wasn't my intention.

Bethsmum wrote:oh well, I was just tryimg to explain in my unique little way why I thought there were loads of local spinsters around. They really should up their game and not sit around waiting for some man to come and bank roll them for life. A lot of local men are now looking for something different. Hope I didn't offend you That wasn't my intention.

Don't worry! I don't get offended easily, esp. when I don't care if these women get married or not!!!

But, seriously, I do feel sorry for both, the local men and women -- with such arranged marriges. It's like the lottery, with a very small chance of winning!!!

Sad! Isn't it???

Of course there is no consideration for the women, as women don't count!

Maybe word is out on the street about the beatings!

I hear mutterings "dont marry a big guy".

Tom Jones wrote:

Bethsmum wrote:oh well, I was just tryimg to explain in my unique little way why I thought there were loads of local spinsters around. They really should up their game and not sit around waiting for some man to come and bank roll them for life. A lot of local men are now looking for something different. Hope I didn't offend you That wasn't my intention.

Don't worry! I don't get offended easily, esp. when I don't care if these women get married or not!!!

But, seriously, I do feel sorry for both, the local men and women -- with such arranged marriges. It's like the lottery, with a very small chance of winning!!!

Sad! Isn't it???

Do you know TJ, I don't know whether arranged marriages are such a bad thing! We, in the western world, make our own decisions and make a total ar$e of it most of the time, don't we? One of the draw backs with not having much to do with your future wife is, that after the marriage ceremony, the husband pulls her veil back and discovers she has a moustache. I think there was a story about that recently in the National. All I can say to that is you would have thought she would have sorted that out prior to any nuptials. Have these women never heard of waxing? Another way the local ladies should up their game, sort the mono brow out luv.

The best option for these Emirati women is to immigrate elsewhere and marry whoever they want. If the UAE government thinks it is a bad idea for 30,000 of their women to pick up and leave, maybe they will reconsider their marriage rules.

I think most of them would like to, however they would lose their 'rights' as an Emirati citizen and their family would probably drag them screaming and kicking back home to a life of subservience.



Knight

Bethsmum wrote:

Tom Jones wrote:

Bethsmum wrote:oh well, I was just tryimg to explain in my unique little way why I thought there were loads of local spinsters around. They really should up their game and not sit around waiting for some man to come and bank roll them for life. A lot of local men are now looking for something different. Hope I didn't offend you That wasn't my intention.

Don't worry! I don't get offended easily, esp. when I don't care if these women get married or not!!!

But, seriously, I do feel sorry for both, the local men and women -- with such arranged marriages. It's like the lottery, with a very small chance of winning!!!

Sad! Isn't it???

Do you know TJ, I don't know whether arranged marriages are such a bad thing! We, in the western world, make our own decisions and make a total ar$e of it most of the time, don't we? One of the draw backs with not having much to do with your future wife is, that after the marriage ceremony, the husband pulls her veil back and discovers she has a moustache. I think there was a story about that recently in the National. All I can say to that is you would have thought she would have sorted that out prior to any nuptials. Have these women never heard of waxing? Another way the local ladies should up their game, sort the mono brow out luv.

Well… You know something BM. I was once talking to an older Emirati gentleman about arranged marriages. The guy has been married to the same local wife for 32 years. She is the only one, no other wife.

He says you guys in the West have the wrong impression about arranged marriages. You guys claim you marry out of love, but then your marriages don’t last. The divorce rate in Europe and America is higher than that of Asia and Africa.

You guys claim you love each other before marriage, but after marriage, that love fades away, and you end up divorcing each other.

Here in the Middle East, he says, we don’t love each other before marriage, but unlike you, our love develops with time, and not fades away with time!!

I just said OK, smiled and walked away. I saw he was one those with whom you couldn’t win any debates!!! Too set in his thinking!!!

Hey...I loved your comments about the moustache and the mono brow! Put a smile on my face on this rainy, gloomy, dark afternoon!!!

I think taking second, third or fourth wives would help in a situation like this.

You also do not need to change the law by allowing Emirati to marry foreigners.

On a side note, I heard that Chinese women are becoming popular brides for many Arab men.

Part of it, from what the article said, was that Chinese wives are viewed as more submissive.

Perhaps the reason local women aren't getting married is because they're often spoiled

Chinese women are popular because they have small feet...

It gets them closer to the cooker and the sink!



Knight

And I wonder what spoiled means?

Sometimes it is just better and more satisfying to be single, especially if prospective husbands expect submissiveness, no expectations, and no ambitions beyond keeping a perfect home and breeding lots of babies.

kanelli wrote:And I wonder what spoiled means?

Sometimes it is just better and more satisfying to be single, especially if prospective husbands expect submissiveness, no expectations, and no ambitions beyond keeping a perfect home and breeding lots of babies.

Totally agreed with you...
Currently going through that feeling...

whether to marry or not..


and being single makes u feel that you can actually breathe out and live life the way you want to..

prettygal wrote:

kanelli wrote:And I wonder what spoiled means?

Sometimes it is just better and more satisfying to be single, especially if prospective husbands expect submissiveness, no expectations, and no ambitions beyond keeping a perfect home and breeding lots of babies.

Totally agreed with you...
Currently going through that feeling...

whether to marry or not..


and being single makes u feel that you can actually breathe out and live life the way you want to..

being married should ADD to your life, not take away from it. It should not restrict you from breathing and continue to living your life as you know it. If you are involved in someone who is going to take away your identity, the person you are, who is going to overshadow you, then you should remain single until you meet someone who can stand by your side, not in front of you, not in back of you, and who can add value to your life and continue to love the person you were before getting married.

very truly said....
i take that as a real piece of advise..



-- Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:46 pm --

Bora Bora wrote:

prettygal wrote:

kanelli wrote:And I wonder what spoiled means?

Sometimes it is just better and more satisfying to be single, especially if prospective husbands expect submissiveness, no expectations, and no ambitions beyond keeping a perfect home and breeding lots of babies.

Totally agreed with you...
Currently going through that feeling...

whether to marry or not..


and being single makes u feel that you can actually breathe out and live life the way you want to..

being married should ADD to your life, not take away from it. It should not restrict you from breathing and continue to living your life as you know it. If you are involved in someone who is going to take away your identity, the person you are, who is going to overshadow you, then you should remain single until you meet someone who can stand by your side, not in front of you, not in back of you, and who can add value to your life and continue to love the person you were before getting married.

Very truly said..

I take that as a real piece of advice..

So true Bora Bora! Even then, sometimes one might end up marrying someone who doesn't turn out to be the kind of companion one desires - no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

kanelli wrote:So true Bora Bora! Even then, sometimes one might end up marrying someone who doesn't turn out to be the kind of companion one desires - no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Unfortunately too many people enter into marriage with a hidden agenda thinking "After we're married......blah, blah, blah......." This kind of deceit never ends up good.

And also, some have the attitude "The ring is on his/her finger, now I can behave how I really want."

You only know a person after living a year and a half together.

kanelli wrote:And also, some have the attitude "The ring is on his/her finger, now I can behave how I really want."

While the other one thinks: "Who is this person I married??"

event horizon wrote:On a side note, I heard that Chinese women are becoming popular brides for many Arab men.

I just came back from having dinner outside. I hate going out on weekends - way too many people (with kides!!!). But it gave me a chance to do some people-watching. You get to observe so many things. One thing I did observe is the large number of Arabs, including locals, with a Phillipino girl on their arm. Not to mention the number of old silly western geezers with their Phillipino wife/girlfriend with at least a 20 year difference between them.

I guess this is what the future locals will look like:



Also noticed how well housemaids must be getting paid. Never saw so many driving Mercs, BMWs, Jags, with so much gold on the ears, wrists, and fingers, and looking very smug at us Westerners. Reminds me of the saying: you've come a long way baby!!!

Well actually there are Emaratis with some kind of connection with the orient. There used to be a market in the 80's in sharjah called, baldiaya ( Muncipality ) market where most of the owners were mostly these "chinese emaratis".

Although I must say I have seen less and less of them, to almost a point I haven't seen one in ages. Last one I remember was one named Usman. Never did get acquainted well enough to find out actual heritage.

Maybe some of our Emarati members can shed some light on this ?

desertdudeshj wrote:Well actually there are Emaratis with some kind of connection with the orient. There used to be a market in the 80's in sharjah called, baldiaya ( Muncipality ) market where most of the owners were mostly these "chinese emaratis".

Although I must say I have seen less and less of them, to almost a point I haven't seen one in ages. Last one I remember was one named Usman. Never did get acquainted well enough to find out actual heritage.

Maybe some of our Emarati members can shed some light on this ?

Dude, look closer. This was out at a camp where tourists dress up in local clothing. I used this photo as a visual to my comment. ( I couldn't find any photos of Phillipinos wearing dishdash. )

I know woman ! I was just saying they already exist !