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single unmarried ladies are hard to come by for certain people looking for wives. lets be honest...would a single guy really go for a single mother of 3 kids? this lady is one hot mama he adores.

would you sacrifice to have a legitimate married life? this is more like the traditional or conforming to accepted rules and standards, as opposed to a life with a person such as someone mentioned above.

saracen wrote:single unmarried ladies are hard to come by for certain people looking for wives. lets be honest...would a single guy really go for a single mother of 3 kids? this lady is one hot mama he adores.

would you sacrifice to have a legitimate married life? this is more like the traditional or conforming to accepted rules and standards, as opposed to a life with a person such as someone mentioned above.

being married is not a sacrifice (my own point of view). there is the compromise like in all the relationships! depending on how much u have to compromise and if u r willing to compromise. sure it is more difficult to back out from a marriage then from a bf-gf relationship and kids make it more complicated.
there r lots of reasons why ppl run away from the marriage: for some marriage is the end of love, like they say and for others it's the natural NEXT STEP to take in the relationship. for sure a paper does not keep the one u love tied to u, but making it official and legit it's more to follow the ideea of a family. a marriage certificate is not to inssure love and respect between parteners but when it comes to kids i think it's better to keep them safe from bad comments.
as for the ur q. why wont a single guy go for a single mother with 3 kids? when u love someone u accept and love the "luggage" atham come with it as u accept the bads and goods in their character!

alexandra wrote:

saracen wrote:single unmarried ladies are hard to come by for certain people looking for wives. lets be honest...would a single guy really go for a single mother of 3 kids? this lady is one hot mama he adores.

would you sacrifice to have a legitimate married life? this is more like the traditional or conforming to accepted rules and standards, as opposed to a life with a person such as someone mentioned above.

being married is not a sacrifice (my own point of view). there is the compromise like in all the relationships! depending on how much u have to compromise and if u r willing to compromise. sure it is more difficult to back out from a marriage then from a bf-gf relationship and kids make it more complicated.
there r lots of reasons why ppl run away from the marriage: for some marriage is the end of love, like they say and for others it's the natural NEXT STEP to take in the relationship. for sure a paper does not keep the one u love tied to u, but making it official and legit it's more to follow the ideea of a family. a marriage certificate is not to inssure love and respect between parteners but when it comes to kids i think it's better to keep them safe from bad comments.
as for the ur q. why wont a single guy go for a single mother with 3 kids? when u love someone u accept and love the "luggage" atham come with it as u accept the bads and goods in their character!

what about what other people will say, that's a lot to deal with especially if you have a reputation to keep... or let's say you have some ego issues.
it would'nt look good really when you're a professional with high standards and end up with a lady such as her...but i guess if its true love...
you have to forget all these things, isn't it?

what is more impt; legitimacy or love? you can get both i guess...but that's a matter of time...you're lucky if you find it in a short time.

Give me a break! And who's to say that the kids don't all have the same father that the woman was previously married to? Maybe they divorced, he died, ran away with someone else, you need to be more specific. Or are you talking about a woman who has 3 different children with 3 different fathers?

Even so, don't the children deserve to be loved and cared for? And if you truly love someone then these things won't matter one little bit.

Marriage doesn't mean much to many people these days, after all it's just a piece of paper and shouldn't change the way two people feel about one another.

the lady was married and is now separated. her ex-husband as expected provides financial support to their children.

now the point is - is it worth all the baggage? you know, caring for the kids which are not even yours. that's hard to deal with if you're not the
compassionate and caring type of a person. is it hard to care for children not a relative or next of kin? if he's not ready for this, i think he should think twice about pursuing the relationship.

I think you just gave the answer to your own question.

this is my own point of view. i welcome other opinions.

saracen wrote:the lady was married but is now separated. her ex-husband as expected provides financial support to their children.

now the point is - is it worth all the baggage? you know, caring for the kids which are not even yours. that's hard to deal with if you're not the
compassionate and caring type of a person. is it hard to care for children not a relative or next of kin? if he's not ready for this, i think he should think twice about pursuing the relationship.

I don't understand what this has to do with legitimacy?

Imo, this person shouldn't pursue this relationship if he doesn't have the capacity to care for the lady's children.

One definition of legitimacy is "conforming to accepted rules and standards".

Does that answer your question Nucleus?

Ok, so she is seperated from her previous husband and has 3 children with him. You are not a replacement father for the children, they already have a father to look after them, you getting involved with the mother would simply be an addition to an extended family unit for the children. Plus you'd have to realise that the mother would probably only do what she feels best for the children, if she felt that you couldn't handle being part of this extended family then she probably wouldn't get involved in the first place.

At the end of the day it's going to be about the children and their best interests, not about you!

i understand that the lady should think about her children which is admirable but listen, we're talking about the guy's situation here. as far as i can see, he's in the losing side of the equation. he's a certified single - she was married with 3 children...i mean, should'nt a single man get a single lady?...yes she's pretty...the guy is in the same league...let's say they both have qualities which are likeable.

so my question is - is it all worth the risk to give up everything or should he just wait for a more appropriate woman?

Well all I can say is that's just daft thinking! You can't pick and choose who you fall for you know, and so what that she's already been married and done the family thing. Why should she be penalised for that?

Another factor you might want to throw into the mix is, obviously the lady already has 3 chuildren, if your friend wants kids of his own, does the lady want any more? Is he willing to settle for the possibility of being a stepfather and never having any of his own?

Chocoholic wrote:
Another factor you might want to throw into the mix is, obviously the lady already has 3 chuildren, if your friend wants kids of his own, does the lady want any more? Is he willing to settle for the possibility of being a stepfather and never having any of his own?

this is another point, only if he is able to answer this question will this
be settled? this i have to ask him. it will rest on his decision if he wants to have a child with her or not.

i think in this set-up, its
the guy who should be asked to have children
of his own...not the lady...as i said the guy
is in the loosing side of the equation. no
matter where you look at it. its really up to
the guy in this situation. he should have the
last word on this. he already has enough to put
up with so why should it be the lady's call
to have another child or not, there should be a consensus.
anyway, he is the one who will provide should
he choose to have a child.

Well that's a very selfish attitude to have - no you cannot force a woman to have a child, particularly if she already has three from her previous husband! Have you any idea what having children puts a woman's body through, if she doesn't want any more then that's that! You cannot force her into it.

It's absolutely more a woman's decision than the mans, she has to carry the baby for 9 months, give birth to it, she might not want to go through all that again.

don't you think its a little selfish to deprive the guy to have his own, from his own flesh and blood, a child of his own. it's every man's wish to have legitimate child. i guess it will be the lady's wish as well to have another this time from this new man she loves.

Myabe then again maybe she might feel she has enough. Like I said given the situation it would be cruel of the guy to want to force her tohave anothjer child.

saracen wrote:One definition of legitimacy is "conforming to accepted rules and standards".

Does that answer your question Nucleus?

um I never knew that marrying a women with children is against accepted rules and standards.

you never knew? never wanting to know anything is ignorance.