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Good points Shaf - a stable and united home situation is always the best for kids.

The problem is that so many people won't compromise - they don't understand they need to change until their spouse has left them. That's too late.

Compromise is the key here.

I do believe that the not wanting to compromise is a side effect of a shift to materialism and egoism - moving away from a sense of duty, sacrifice, community etc.

We subtly (and not so subtly) conditioned to expect instant gratification and to move on if we don't get it. This is not just in physical relationships, but in comfort, jobs, entertainment etc. Escapism in front of a TV or internet or in drugs and alchohol are inextricably linked to this false expectation hitting against reality - I think.

Thinking it is ok to be s.exual before marriage is one thing (and indeed, a good argument can be made for experience, etc) - but I see this as just another symptom of the commercialisation/commoditisation of what in reality should be a part of a long-term, loving relationship where the primary aim should be companionship and raising of children, IMO - not the passion in the bedroom.

Anyway, my point is that let's get beyond the marriage certificate issue when looking at this issue - but rather go to what I think is the root - how we view s.ex and that it is increasingly becoming separate from long term relationships. There is even a polite term for it now - 'friends with benefits'!

Cheers,
Shafique

A relationship without passion is quite empty IMO.

I think premarital se.x is more common than it used to be, but in the old days there was still a lot of it going on -we are following our animal instincts after all . People just got married younger and there were more shot-gun weddings. The couples held it together happy or unhappy, but I wonder if some of the marriages that were quite unhappy can partially explain why the newer generations don't want to live in such marriages and would rather play the field for a while. Some don't even want to marry at all. No wonder premarital se.x is more accepted in society.

-- Fri Jan 14, 2011 12:17 pm --

Flying Dutchman wrote:A relationship without passion is quite empty IMO.

Well, then people will have to remarry or find a new boyfriend/girlfriend every few years, because passion certainly fades over time. At least that's my experience (though limited).

Passion fading over time is a psychological fact - there is a difference between 'falling in love' and 'being in love' - hormones etc are different.

Passion within a relationship is there at the beginning of relationships definitely, and the passion and deep love can certainly be maintained throughout - but the thrill associated with new relationships is what most are seeking and enjoying when they have affairs.

Where I think the pendulum has swung too far, IMO, is that some relationships (and I guess this may apply to men more than women, but still applies to both) is based on solely, or predominantly the 'passion' aspect.

I do think that loveless marriages are a reason to allow divorce - so I agree any relationship without any deep love or passion is indeed empty. But pre-marital s.ex and extra-marital s.ex aren't required (IMO) to ensure that a person is compatible as a long term partner - indeed it forces one to look at the aspects that you'll have to wake up with after the initial passion has died.

Cheers,
Shafique

As it is quite evident, Traditional Understanding has now been replaced with madness and stupidity ...
So lets sit and observe as the lines between humans and animals grow blurrier with every passing moment...

-- Fri Jan 14, 2011 2:44 pm --

OT - Chris Rock On Relationships and Satisfying Women - Mad Funny - WARNING EXPLICIT !!!