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A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun
standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please
Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few
minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed.

Just a moment later two Military Police came running
along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier
running by here??"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out
from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you
enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to
Iraq."


The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your
fear."

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or
impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher,
you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't
want to go to Iraq either!!"

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spread-eagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

A doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant.

"Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic," he says. "I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks, "So, Seamus, how was your day?"

Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol."

"Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, Sir," says Seamus.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on
the table. She spreads her legs and shouts, "Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!"

"Thunderin' Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eye!!."

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'What's his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London!'

Bill, age 20, and Sam, age 75, are pushing their carts around Carrefour, when they collide.

Sam says to Bill, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I
wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

Bill says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I
can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

Sam says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

Bill answers, "Well, she is 24, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs,
big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra.

"What does your wife look like?" Bill continued.


Sam replies, "Doesn't matter ... let's look for yours!!