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Well, just for a change, everyone who has a good. new, short joke or a funny pic he wants to share feel free to post here !!

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Katie And Johnny

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

Hey, good idea palkid: to post all those jokes and cut/pastes in one thread instead of starting a post for each of them.

Why Me?

A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?"

The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."

"Why did you make her so good-looking?"

"So you could love her, my son."

"Why did you make her such a good cook?"

"So you could love her, my son."

The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."

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CEO

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help. "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."

Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

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Famous Fake Authors

French Population - Francis Crowded
Downpour! - Wayne Dwops
Cloning - Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring - Lynn O'Leum
Handel's Messiah - Ollie Luyah
Personal House Construction - Bill Jerome Home
Unemployed - Anita Job
Off to Market - Tobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it Again - Scott Linyard Home
Alone IV - Eddie Buddyhome
Carroll - Alison Wonderland Leo
Tolstoy - Warren Peace Neither
Borrower - Nora Lender Bee
Chef - Sue Flay
Tight Situation - Leah Tard
Why Cars Stop - M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows - Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger - Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing - Andover Hand

I HAVE A JOKE!

For guys.....

http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m149 ... formen.jpg

bushra21 wrote:I HAVE A JOKE!

and the joke would be ?!?!?

maybe some other time

bushra21 wrote:I HAVE A JOKE!

And are you the joke?

are you calling me a joke?

you want to take this outside man

bushra21 wrote:are you calling me a joke?

you want to take this outside man

Well, you asked for it.

^ian^ wrote:

bushra21 wrote:are you calling me a joke?

you want to take this outside man

Well, you asked for it.

bushra21 wrote:are you calling me a joke?

you want to take this outside man

I cudnt resist

Nosferatu wrote:

bushra21 wrote:are you calling me a joke?

you want to take this outside man

I cudnt resist

its all right, it was funny

> There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He
> would always come home late in the morning. One night, while he was at
> the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
>
> "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her
> down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever
> had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep.
> Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she
> doesn't care what time I came home."
>
> One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late,
> comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex
> she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom,
> upset at him.
>
> "Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Well, the couch is pretty uncomfortable since I let my mother sleep
> in the bedroom."

Advertising Terms:

Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

The Pope arrives at JFK and he's met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, "Pope."

After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my licence," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "The Pope is his chauffeur. I think its God. What do I do?"

Superman was flying one day around the city
he spotted Wonderwoman sunbathing on a roof of a building....naked
the temptation killed him and he said to himself:
"Im superman right? im faster than the speed of a bullet right? i can just speed down there and do my thing without anybody knowing"
So he shoots down, does his thing and leaves.....quick

Wonderwoman gets up "What the hell was that"...
Invisible man said in agony " I dont know.......but my ass hurts so bad"


"Drum roll"

funny

The hurricane said to the palmtree!


"You better hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job"..

Bleakus wrote:Superman was flying one day around the city
he spotted Wonderwoman sunbathing on a roof of a building....naked
the temptation killed him and he said to himself:
"Im superman right? im faster than the speed of a bullet right? i can just speed down there and do my thing without anybody knowing"
So he shoots down, does his thing and leaves.....quick

Wonderwoman gets up "What the hell was that"...
Invisible man said in agony " I dont know.......but my a#s hurts so bad"


"Drum roll"

haha ..Good one .. Kevn bacon repeats this in the Hollow man.

-The Silent Treatment -
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


-WIFE VS. HUSBAND-
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws


- WOMEN'S REVENGE-
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."




-UNDERSTANDING WOMEN-
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

-W O R D S-
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

-CREATION-
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

isabela wrote:-The Silent Treatment -
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

R E S P E C T ! ! !

St.Lucifer wrote:

Bleakus wrote:Superman was flying one day around the city
he spotted Wonderwoman sunbathing on a roof of a building....naked
the temptation killed him and he said to himself:
"Im superman right? im faster than the speed of a bullet right? i can just speed down there and do my thing without anybody knowing"
So he shoots down, does his thing and leaves.....quick

Wonderwoman gets up "What the hell was that"...
Invisible man said in agony " I dont know.......but my a#s hurts so bad"


"Drum roll"

haha ..Good one .. Kevn bacon repeats this in the Hollow man.

acually i took that joke from him, nice movie

MilleDane wrote:The hurricane said to the palmtree!


"You better hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job"..

thats awesome hehe

You guys don't mind if i hijack this thread...do you

Legendkiller wrote:You guys don't mind if i hijack this thread...do you

And what are you planning to do with it????

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else... One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you $500 if you let me have sex with you....

But the girl said NO.

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says ask him for $1000, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

......

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

......
Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

"THE b*****d USED COINS!!!"
===============================================

Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage,
the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading
him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's
that, Daddy?" the child asks. "That, son, is the elephant's penis." replied
his father. "Mummy said it was nothing," the child then said. "Your mother's spoilt, Son."

===============================================

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first.

She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me."

The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.

The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to: me or the machine?"

sage & onion wrote:

Legendkiller wrote:You guys don't mind if i hijack this thread...do you

And what are you planning to do with it????