kanelli wrote:Fax machine beebs and spits out the following letter:
To:
Scourer's R'Us
Zimbabwe-Dubai Holdings
Jebel Ali
From:
Regional Environment Protection Agency (REPA)
Dubai, UAE
IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR YOUR OPERATION IN THE UAE
The REPA has recently suceeded in lobbying his highness the Sheikh to ban super-hardened category F plastics from this country. This ruling came into effect as of 5 am this morning. As you may well know, environmental laws are applied to all freezone areas without exception.
It has come to our attention that your scouring products are made from super-hardened category F plastic. In addition to this, the shape and design of your product also causes concern. Birds and sea creatures have been found tangled in the strings of scouring pads that were thrown overboard or dumped into the gulf in trash bags. The creatures were immobilised, starved, maimed and choked by the kind of scouring pads produced by your company. Finally, the dyes used to colour the scouring pads have been found to leech into the water system and cause neurological problems in humans.
If you wish to continue business in the UAE you must do the following,
1. Replace the current plastic used with type A biodegradable plastic that degrades rapidly when exposed to water.
2. Redesign your product so that the strings release with heavy pressure, such as would be found when a tangled animal struggles to free itself.
3. Make the plastic softer so that it is gentle on any creature that becomes trapped in the strings.
4. Remove the dye from your product as the chemicals are harmful for animals and the environment.
5. Initiate a scourer recycling programme and use old scourers to make new scourers.
6. Donate 5% of your yearly profit to the REPA to be used to help improve the environment in this region.
You have 60 days to comply with these regulations or your operations will be closed.
Ms. Kanelli
Enforcement Officer
Regional Evironment Protection Agency (REPA)
Dear REPA
Becaus at "Scourers R Us" we take environmental matter very seriously not just in the region but throughout the world (our marke place) I am taking the extraordinary, ex-parte, step of responding to your letter. I trust that the Board will ratify this response under the urgency of the circumstances as the last thing we want to do is harm the environment.
Without revealing trade-secrets here are the responses to your concerns.
No.1. Materials: We do not use the material you are refering to. What we use is international trade secret (the Chinese have been trying mightly to get hold of the formulal and re-engineer the product).
No.2. Relaese Mechanism: SPS have the best release mechanisms invented by man or woman (pattented mechanism - one of few patents sealed for 30 years so we are not at liberty to disclose the patent number).
No.3 Softness. Have you used one? Softer than a baby bottom!
No.4 Dyes: Not on SPS's (must have confused SPS' with stuff passing as hair on some of the women - and men- at the many malls in your region)
No.4 Recycling: SPS's degrade into fertile soil (again a pattented process)
No. 5 Donations: The reasons for Scourers R Us being located in Dubai is because we are confident that we will receive many awards and dontations on our excellent Environmental Record.
We challenge you to prove any environmentally harmful actions on the part of Scourers R Us and its PSP's. If you insist on further "responses" or information, please obtain a Subpoena and we will respond accordingly.
Scourer R Us
Environmetal Group.
P.S. A complimentary package of PSP's has been posted (C.O.D).
I think we've all been out in the summer sunshine just a little too long.
