What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
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They all already have boyfriends