I am a scandal woman for my family. Somebody that they need to distance themselves from.
That is the price my parents have to pay for not raising me according to their expectations.
They left me when I was two months old baby. To old people (my grandparents). My grandfather gave me freedom to think and to speak my mind of. Since I was able to speak nobody could stop me talking in family gatherings.
Grandfather would not let them.
My uncles kind of hated me for that. They joked that they are happy that somebody was born in our family who can oppose the grandfather. It seems that they suggested to him to shut me up as I oppose him as well, but he just laughed at them.
My family would love me to do just what “I am required to do” and not to do anything else.
Well, my fu**ing business is to do whatever I want. It is not up to them to decide.
Alhamdulillah I do no thave a husband to control me as well. My father would love that I have at least a husband to control me, as he could not. He tried when I was 17, but my grandfather told him to leave me alone. If I could live up to 17 alone and made my own decission I could continue. That was my grandfathers argument. His son could not go against him. Nobody could.
I was one that was always scandal in the family. I had my own decission. I become religious when they were communists. As a child! And now my father is telling me, as an advice to adult woman, that I shall not do things I do, that nobody authorized me to do my hobbies or any activity.
Well, I authorized myself! His brain is still living in communist time and thinking that somebody must authorize you do to something. Alhamdulillah I am free and living in a free country. We have now freedom and democracy and we can decide ourselves what to do. Tito is dead. Communism vanished from my country 30+ years ago. Also they are telling me I shall not talk loud about GENOCIDE of Palestinian civilians, it is non of my business, I shall just care about my own children.
It is only myself who decide what is my fu**ing business. When I was in the war and under bombings and in a concentration camp my father was with his new family living in Germany. My mother was in a safest town in the country, and they got few rare bombs over hill to their town, and she always talks to me how she is traumatized from boms. She has no shame to talk to me about trauma when I lived in siege, thousands bombs daily, I was a hostage 4 months and refugee for the rest of my life. I never returned to my home as I do not have it anymore. My grandparents died before Unicef renew their home. I was left without a home. I was homeless before I married. Now when I go to my country I go to hotels. And my family is trying to tell me what to feel, what to talk, what to support, what to talk loud, what not to talk. Fu**.
They were not there when I run out from concentration camp as a child to find some food in fields. When guards with weapons turn their back I escape. They were not there where I was under bombings and hungry without food, when I was bones and my classmates sang a song to me bullying me; why are you so thin, it is from love or luck of food
And they would laugh at me. Did I have anyone to protect me from anything in fu**ing life. Not my family. I had Allah. And Him only. As now children in Gaza have Allah only to help them.
I would help them in any way I could. Fu** the world and what world says. I know what they are living and going through.
My entire life I could stand alone for anything, and I can stand alone for Palestine without my family, or God forbid, their permission, blessing, support or understanding.
FREE PALESTINE, FREE GAZA. May hatefull terrorist, killer of childrens go to Hell soon, Allahumme amin!