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Dear Dudes,

i wanna discuss about these topics, i would like to point out that please refrain from saying which one is right and which one is wrong, we just wanna see on what both of these things really are

Also if you would like state the adv/disadv points, we would like that

Bleakus wrote:Dear Dudes,

i wanna discuss about these topics, i would like to point out that please refrain from saying which one is right and which one is wrong, we just wanna see on what both of these things really are

Also if you would like state the adv/disadv points, we would like that

my best friend's relationship ended because the guy was unable to say no to an arranged marriage. no comment. everybody knows that there are lots of marriages like that and ppl who live in that kind of communites have very well structured answers to why they think its better. for a european with a free mind, this will never be understandable. how can smbody else decide for me who should i spend the rest of my life with? specially that these arranged marriages ARE for the rest of their lives. we had it too in europe for centuries and and i thank god we dont anymore, at least not that way, even if the price is that many ppl sign the paper without thinking it through.

so this is your thread and your right to want or not want to talk about certain aspects, but since u brought it up, it might be a good idea to read some posts from ppl who are living in this kind of relationships. in case there are ppl like that here...

well said raidah,

i agree about that fact that somebody else should not choose for you in marriage, i believe that was a serious point that you mentioned.

how well should both sides know each other for them to marry? is there like a sign that you know that its the right time to spend the rest of your life with that person?

Bleakus wrote:how well should both sides know each other for them to marry? is there like a sign that you know that its the right time to spend the rest of your life with that person?

When you no longer have to think about the answer to this question.

i dont want to have an arranged marriage...i think its jus too much pressure!

I personally am not having an arranged marriage; however, I see nothing wrong with them.

Yes, sometimes it can be akward -- but sometimes it can be the best thing to ever happen to a person.

While I am in no way speaking of all situations including arranged marriages, some, more particularly the ones I have witnessed from my mother's side of the family have not been the type where you have two seperate individuals who know nothing of one another marrying. Yes, almost all the couples marrying were cousins, but they had already harbored feelings for one another before they even knew they would be married. Strange how that worked out But hamdulilla, thank god, they are quite happy -- and that is what matters, in my opinion.

My father's side of the family -- well that is a different story. Most of the arranged marriages ended in divorce.

So as in almost everything else, I believe that it depends on the two individuals and their families. How committed they are to one another, how accepting the families are of one another (and I mean trully accepting, not that superficial stuff), and what their destiny had been written out to be.

fayz wrote:

Bleakus wrote:how well should both sides know each other for them to marry? is there like a sign that you know that its the right time to spend the rest of your life with that person?

When you no longer have to think about the answer to this question.

In response to your above stated question Bleakus, I agree with Fayz on this one. You know the time is right, that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, when you no longer have to think about the answer to this question. And when spending your life with that individual isn't a question -- but something you strive for.

From the community where i grew up, culturally and traditionally, marriage is not arranged and never been arranged. Though some of my cousins their marriage has been arranged because they are muslims, and their parents (my uncles & aunts) want to keep that tradition, so as a family I respect that. Unfortunately, their marriage didn't last.

I feel lucky because I can marry anyone I love, so long I have the blessings from my parents. In our culture, we have this courtship stage. The guy will usually woe the lady, get to know her better, and if the relationship works, the guy will propose to the lady for marriage. It's always like this for christian marriage. Some families will object to the relationship during the courtship stage for whatever reasons if they feel they don't deserve each other. However, most of the couples i've known would really fight for their love even if it's really against all odds.

Having said all this, I believe that unarranged marriage will work for me. And my parents will never arranged my marriage too. The decision is all mine. My parents only request is to introduce the guy first to them so they can scrutinize LOL before we'll walk down the aisle. After all, marriage is a continous struggle and a lifetime commitment, so it should be decided by two people who'll be directly involve in the sacrament of matrimony.

raidah wrote:

Bleakus wrote:Dear Dudes,

i wanna discuss about these topics, i would like to point out that please refrain from saying which one is right

my best friend's relationship ended because the guy was unable to say no to an arranged marriage. no comment. everybody knows that there are lots of marriages like that and ppl who live in that kind of communites have very well structured answers to why they think its better. ..

Very true raidah. Many hearts were broken because of the above reasons.

in an arrange marriage you are not forced to marry any one, ur just recommended to, there is the engagement period to find out about the person u wana marry, or some families would allow contact for a while without engagement to get to know each other. at the end the entire choice is urs.
well i think both are ok, some of the best couples i knw had arranged marriages ..im one of them

i have friends that were in love n in a relationship for 6 to 5 years yet their marriages didn’t last for a year.!!

i believe non arrange marriage is romantic..happy ending n all, yet arranged is risky bt more fun...after marriage u feel like falling in love every day

However it’s very important even in arranged marriages to knw the person very well, take ur time I had an engagement of two years.

Arranged marriage has been going on for a long time and I won't give my personal opinions on it. I just have to mention though, that in many other parts of the world it is illegal to marry first cousins because children from the marriages can be born with birth defects etc. because of genetic inbreeding.

kanelli wrote:Arranged marriage has been going on for a long time and I won't give my personal opinions on it. I just have to mention though, that in many other parts of the world it is illegal to marry first cousins because children from the marriages can be born with birth defects etc. because of genetic inbreeding.

It is illegal also to marry first cousins for some parts of the world because it is considered an INCEST.

^ and in some parts of the world, in-breeding was even encouraged to preserve the family's wealth.

asc_26 wrote:

kanelli wrote:Arranged marriage has been going on for a long time and I won't give my personal opinions on it. I just have to mention though, that in many other parts of the world it is illegal to marry first cousins because children from the marriages can be born with birth defects etc. because of genetic inbreeding.

It is illegal also to marry first cousins for some parts of the world because it is considered an INCEST.

Incest is exactly what I was talking about.

Just for clarification Incest and arranged marriages are mutually EXCLUSIVE. My parents are from an arranged marriage and are no where close to blood relatives. Also they have been happily together for over 30 years and still going strong.

i'd go for not-arranged

Arranged marriage: couple is related to each other by blood – in some parts of the world, this can be categorized as incest. This is what we meant fayz.

asc_26 wrote:

kanelli wrote:Arranged marriage has been going on for a long time and I won't give my personal opinions on it. I just have to mention though, that in many other parts of the world it is illegal to marry first cousins because children from the marriages can be born with birth defects etc. because of genetic inbreeding.

It is illegal also to marry first cousins for some parts of the world because it is considered an INCEST.

O rly? thats pretty new, i know i wouldnt marry my first cousin

fayz wrote:Just for clarification Incest and arranged marriages are mutually EXCLUSIVE. My parents are from an arranged marriage and are no where close to blood relatives. Also they have been happily together for over 30 years and still going strong.

yeah same here....they were arranged marriage and they are happily married

Dude, did you get the clear picture now regarding arranged and non-arranged marriage?

Bleak dude you should have put up a poll, anyway you cant edit that so just count manually

Im of course into unarranged marriage - maybe bec I growed up not seeing this as part of our culture and tradition.

I cant imagine myself marrying someone whom I do not have any idea of. Although most of the times I believe in the saying parent knows whats best for us.

But if what mema is saying about engagement and all, then arranged marriage is not that bad either. If it is true that you can first meet and know the guy well and if the decision is yours afterwards if you want or not to continue with the marriage, then its all fine.

why Bleaky you have any issue with your arranged marriage?

Interesting thread.

I think societies where arranged marriage used to be common are now moving to "arranged introductions". The marriage itself is not arranged however the couple are introduced to each other via the family. This is because in those cultures there are many other factors involved in a marriage other than the attraction of the couple.

So the type of marriage mema described hers was, isn't exactly an arranged marriage but rather an arranged introduction. She still had a two year engagement to know her partner better, and trust me no one can put up an act for that long.

MaaaD wrote:Interesting thread.

I think societies where arranged marriage used to be common are now moving to "arranged introductions". The marriage itself is not arranged however the couple are introduced to each other via the family. This is because in those cultures there are many other factors involved in a marriage other than the attraction of the couple.

So the type of marriage mema described hers was, isn't exactly an arranged marriage but rather an arranged introduction. She still had a two year engagement to know her partner better, and trust me no one can put up an act for that long.

Good point Maad. It means families of the couple would allow arranged introduction, then if it doesn't work they can cool off and start looking for another prospect life partner. Isn't it? Never heard like this before.

yes asc you are right.

OT: I have noticed you love summarizing people's posts and repeating what they said .. its funny. Do you give the dumbed down version for the blondes of the forum ?

zam wrote:Bleak dude you should have put up a poll, anyway you cant edit that so just count manually

Im of course into unarranged marriage - maybe bec I growed up not seeing this as part of our culture and tradition.

I cant imagine myself marrying someone whom I do not have any idea of. Although most of the times I believe in the saying parent knows whats best for us.

But if what mema is saying about engagement and all, then arranged marriage is not that bad either. If it is true that you can first meet and know the guy well and if the decision is yours afterwards if you want or not to continue with the marriage, then its all fine.

why Bleaky you have any issue with your arranged marriage?

i wanted to put up a poll but i wanted to see everybody's points instead of just saying yes or no.....its more interesting that way....

i agree with arranged marriages where my sis or mom searches a woman that they think is good, i interview her (something like that) and see if i want to spend the rest of my life with her.....this goes with vice versa too

now what i noticed about the people in the forum is that arrange marriage is a thing of the past and it goes something like your stuck with a person that you havent seen before or talked to before and now you are married, i will never do that.....its just plain suicide

Ive had many run ins with the arranged marriage/introduction's....

I personally didn't like it because it was always what my father wanted...which was a man exactly like him.

My mum would always approve of the guy that was exactly like the man she wanted to marry, or because she liked the mother.

Then when I would go and say that I didn't really like the guy, and nothing met what I was looking for, I would have to argue with them for weeks until I just said if you want me to marry him I will do it, but Ill be miserable. Thats when they would back off and start looking for another.


Thank god I found someone on my own and my family approved. This way, everyone is happy.

Then go for what Maad have said "arranged introductions".

Hey Bleak

Like what I mentioned in another thread of something like this - 'arranged marriage' is something beyond my comprehension. How can you marry a stranger? Your freedom to choose your partner is completely suppressed!

On the other hand, I'm fascinated with arranged marriages that last.

weary_heart wrote:Hey Bleak

Like what I mentioned in another thread of something like this - 'arranged marriage' is something beyond my comprehension. How can you marry a stranger? Your freedom to choose your partner is completely suppressed!

On the other hand, I'm fascinated with arranged marriages that last.

Through an arranged marriage, you are not necessarily marrying a stranger. There is the courting process, and then the engagment.

Also, the freedom to choose your partner is not completely suppressed, you do have the right to disagree to the person in question, where your family will go and look for another suitable partner.

Also, concerning the stranger part, the other person is usually a close friend of the family or is a relative....so its not like they just picked the guy of the street, lol